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#TodaysHoroscope

#3
#TodaysHoroscope for Gemini: Next time you go grocery shopping, one of the boxes of breakfast cereal on the shelf will have a prize inside. The stars aren't clear on which one, but assure you that it's okay to open them all, in the store, until you find it. Happy hunting!
 
#9
#TodaysHoroscope for Sagittarius: Don't be too hung up on how modern and progressive the world is supposed to be "because this is 2018". Today most people are all abuzz over a royal wedding like they were 15th century peasants. We really haven't come all that far.
 
#17
#TodaysHoroscope for Leo:

The stars have a message for you this week -- but because the stars are total dicks, they've hidden it in the titles of six Creedence Clearwater Revival songs, and aren't saying which ones. Best of luck!
 

Loktar

Pinata Whacker
#18
#TodaysHoroscope for Leo:

The stars have a message for you this week -- but because the stars are total dicks, they've hidden it in the titles of six Creedence Clearwater Revival songs, and aren't saying which ones. Best of luck!
With my luck the message is in Bad Moon Rising.

 
#19
#TodaysHoroscope for Virgo:

They say that a watched pot never boils. "They" apparently don't know that the Observer Effect only works at the quantum level. Or how to use a stove properly.
 
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