The "OH GOD! WHY WOULD YOU *TELL* US THAT?!" TMI Dog ownership thread...

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
So I have a dog. She's almost 10. Had her for 8 years, since her master joined the Army. He got out of the Army, but by then he had another dog. But I digress. She's half lab, half border collie and it takes about 2 hours of walking and off-leash work every day to keep her sane. I also work evenings, part time because I don't like coming home to chewed up rugs and mini blinds. It works, for the most part.

Anyhow, on Saturday afternoons we go to a park that is NOT named "Woodtick Park", but it should be. And rather than stick to the groomed trails like a same person would, I find myself bushwhacking through swamps and thickets and off into the woods, scrambling over downed trees--the whole time being as miserable as a condemned man because I know it's prime woodtick terrain. I'm feeling the little bastards on me, but most of the times that I stop to check, there's nothing, so I'm hoping it's just beads of sweat. Of course ripped jeans and boxer shorts aren't ideal for woodtick country.

Then I've got to run some errands and take care of some chores, but eventually I get to take a shower and see what the damages are. Probably 6-10 woodticks. None of this is particularly fun, but it's going fairly smoothly--right up until the TWO ON MY TESTICLES. OK. That, in and of itself is good for 1D3 insanity points. But on top of that I must have nicked a blood vessel getting the last one off. I mean, it isn't like I hit an artery, but blood is beading up with no signs of clotting. And I still haven't taken my shower. So I do the only thing I really can do: I put a piece of tissue paper on it like when you cut your face shaving. But that doesn't help. So the best I can come up with is to go get a clothespin and use it to apply pressure to the wound.

So I get to take a shower with a clothespin on my nutsack. When I'm done, I hope it's done its job and clotted. But no luck. So time for a fresh piece of TP and back on with the clothespin. After awhile I figured it *had* to have clotted. But no such luck. I still put the petroleum jelly on it in hopes of helping with the clotting, but wound up having to put the TP and clothespin back on (with some cloth tape directly over the injury). So I type this with a clothespin on my nutsack. And it would be an understatement to say I'm not terribly happy about it.

Meanwhile The Dog is snoring peacefully next to the bed. The Cat and I will probably pick up more ticks from her over the coming daysl. :(
 

Mirah

I love you
OMG

Because I read this thread beginning with Oerdin's post-don't ask why, I think that is just how it opened-I thought you were going to be talking about picking ticks off a dogs balls, which I was imagining to be pretty painful and uncomfortable and akward.

I'm so sorry you had ticks on YOUR balls. That must have been painful, akward and uncomfortable.
To stop such bleeding I recommend a wet washcloth instead.

Do you think you will have to go to the doctor?
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
It's fine. I just wouldn't mind if I had a more chill, lazy dog. Had one on my sternum at work last night--and that was just from a boring daily walk. Then there's the times she jumps a groundhog during the walk. Twice last week, I got to walk home along a busy street during rush hour with my dog proudly carrying a dead groundhog back to the house so she could bury it in the yard. Luckily I live in a pretty rural part of town where groundhogs are plentiful so people aren't upset with anything that means less groundhogs. Now ducks, on the other hand...

I've been lucky (and cautious) this year but the ducklings can't fly at this time of year so the mama duck will act wounded to lure predators away and The Dog won't stop chasing if she thinks she has a shot at catching something so a few times last year I found myself knee deep in the creek (no time to take off shoes or roll up pants, of course), tackling a wet dog, in order to prevent duck murder.
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
Sunday I was hanging out on TK. Which means I was idly fiddling with my balls. Because what else are you going to do as you slog through the Blackfoot spamfest in search of something engaging. I was pleasantly surprised to discover the swelling from the tickbites had disappeared. Wait, no. There was one spot that was still inflamed. And had something on it. [drops trou] Another goddamn woodtick on my balls. I need to move to Antarctica.
 

Love Child

One Love
Wear eucalyptus, peppermint or citrus oils. Lavender and lemon grass are effective also.

Or:

Wear tick-repellent clothing treated with permethrin, which kills ticks after only five to 30 seconds of exposure.
 

Starship Coyote

Original Gangster!
Don't go where there are ticks. Period.
 
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