There needs to be a "WTF?!: The most fucking fucked up shit" forum...

jack

The Legendary Troll Kingdom
I could go an hour with a rubber whore easy. Not sure about wearing the doll's lingerie though....
 

jack

The Legendary Troll Kingdom
What the Hell, The reason for this thread is...I decided real estate investing was the next step for me. So I bought a house. And I'm fixing it up to rent out. The wrinkle is: The deal took forever to close. In the meantime, an old friend asked me to do some project management work for his company. Since he didn't know if the money would be approved, and I didn't know if my house would ever close, I agreed. I figured worst case, I get one or the other.

Of course I got the house and a day later the money to hire me got approved. So I wound up with a full time job while trying to renovate a house--in the dead of winter.

Things are proceeding apace. And it shouldn't suck. But of course I have my fears/doubts. That's when it hit me: I'm socking away good money from this gig. Why not skip the hassle of finding a decent tenant and use the proceeds from my job to buy myself a variety of 5-10 nice sex dolls, furnish the house, and open a sex doll brothel? Apart from not being zoned commercial, I don't see any laws (apart from moral ones) that I'd be breaking.

But the follow-on question is even more perplexing (and wrong): Presentation on my rubber whores. Do I dress them up in lingerie and strew them about the living room? Or should I find myself a dry-cleaner's revolving rack and hang them, naked, from hooks in plastic bags with tags on them and rotate them around for the clients to choose their date for the evening?

I'm so going to Hell. :(

You could fill them with helium and pack them all in a covered pickup truck. Then dress like Jesus, full beard and all.

Wait for a crowded intersection somewhere and remove the cover. As the dolls float up start screaming "IT'S THE RAPTURE"

(make sure the dolls are tethered so you still get the effect, but don't lose your investment)
 

jack

The Legendary Troll Kingdom
Dd-Plus-Size-American-Women-Real-Silicone.jpg
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
God damn you both. Now simultaneously need and dread to google for plus-size sex dolls.
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
Truth be told, this would be my biggest challenge with a sex doll brothel: buying dolls the average man wants to fuck. I like a nice perky breast, with the occasional DD thrown in on the right frame. But there are these sex dolls with ZZZ teats. It's unsettling. Fuck. Now I gotta see. "chubby sex dolls." We'll start with Google. Bing's results will probably break my brain.
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
OK. I'm back. Did not venture onto Bing, but I suspect anyone with a fattie fetish is sorely disappointed in the sex doll department. Really didn't see any anatomically accurate proportional representations of heavy girls. It was all basically average frame girls with absurdly large teats and possibly butt--maybe with slightly larger thighs and a little bit of a belly. If chunky chicks is your thing, you're probably out of luck. But on the plus side, there are plenty of living breathing chunky chicks who need love, so it's win-win for everyone with that interest. Web footed albino dwarf hermaphrodites? Not so much.
 

The Question

Eternal
God damn you both. Now simultaneously need and dread to google for plus-size sex dolls.

There isn't any such thing. Sex dolls are made for tiny, scrawny-ass little chinks. It's rare even to find one over 5'5" in height.

Shut the fuck up, don't ask me how I know that.
 

The Question

Eternal
Okay, fine, fuck you, I know that 'cause I want one in a 6 footer size. I like amazon women, and amazon women only like NBA-size cupcakeers, so I figure a 6-foot-plus fuck doll is the way to go -- and nobody fuckin' makes one. That's how I know. Fuck off, you judgmental shoefucker.
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
Dude, it's just economics. Too much material. Aluminum skeleton and rubber body. Even shipping. The bigger you make it, the more it costs. So if you can pack it all into a 4'3" package, you make more money on the deal.

I mean maybe there's a niche there for giant sex dolls. But is it a big enough niche to be profitable? Do the people who want big sex dolls even have the money for a tiny sex doll, let alone a ginormous one? I dunno. If it turns out Bill Gates is into huge rubber negresses, maybe you can build a 27' tall one-off to bankroll as many 6'1" 175# rubber chicks with DD tits and a 9" "clitoris" as your heart desires.
 

The Question

Eternal
I admit it, you put way more thought into that than I expected you to. Also, I never said anything about wanting one with a 9" clitoris. That particular bit of "fucked up" is all you, man. :bill:

Besides which, how is it not some fetish-y shit to want one that's 4'3"? That's literally midget size.
 

Loktar

Pinata Whacker
9" clit? That's practically a penis. Might as well have some chicks with dicks sex dolls. Not for me though. I want a sex doll that has a voice box with custom phrases like "ooh, mama like!" And "ooh it's so big! It's totally not like throwing a Vienna sausage down a hallway!"
 

The Question

Eternal
9" clit? That's practically a penis. Might as well have some chicks with dicks sex dolls. Not for me though. I want a sex doll that has a voice box with custom phrases like "ooh, mama like!" And "ooh it's so big! It's totally not like throwing a Vienna sausage down a hallway!"

If I got one with a voice box, I'd want it to yell weird, random shit every time it's bumped. Then I'd throw it at Jehovah's Witnesses when they show up at the door. Imagine the fun:

"Hi, do you have a few minutes to listen to the good news abou -- OH, MY GOD!"
*thump*
"sWiTcHiNg tO gEiCo cOuLd sAvE yOu fIfTeEn pErCeNt oR mOrE!"
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
9" clit? That's practically a penis. Might as well have some chicks with dicks sex dolls. ...
That was kind of the joke.

But anyway, I had another look--for purely scholarly purposes and 4'3" was an exaggeration. It looks like the shortest ones are around 4'7". And somehow the 1984 Wheaties jingle is still archived in my brain, so I know Mary Lou Retton was 4'9". So 4'7" isn't *completely* creepy and pedo.
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
Wait, no, never mind. One of the sites has 3'3" sex dolls. But they all have huge racks, so clearly it is simply having all the parts with as little material and shipping cost as possible. They list for under $500. So it is an option if you don't have the bux to shell out for a full-size one. The other option for poor people is to settle for a headless, limbless torso--or just a pelvis (maybe with a mouth on the top to cover all options. And don't even get into the creepy fetishes implied by those choices.
 

Loktar

Pinata Whacker
Wait, no, never mind. One of the sites has 3'3" sex dolls. But they all have huge racks, so clearly it is simply having all the parts with as little material and shipping cost as possible. They list for under $500. So it is an option if you don't have the bux to shell out for a full-size one. The other option for poor people is to settle for a headless, limbless torso--or just a pelvis (maybe with a mouth on the top to cover all options. And don't even get into the creepy fetishes implied by those choices.

If you're super poor you can just get a pocket pussy for $25.
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
If you're super poor you can just get a pocket pussy for $25.
That reminds me of a joke. It's funnier if you imagine at least one of the people with a stereotype Irish accent:

Little kid runs up to his grandpa: "Grandpa, Grandpa! Can I have a quarter? I want to get a Guinea pig." "Here's a dollar, go get yourself a nice Irish girl instead."
 

jack

The Legendary Troll Kingdom
A dollar? Must be some high class poontang Grandpa is coughing up.
 

The Question

Eternal
So many things to pay for. A year's subscription to Evernote, a Mac Mini + display + Das Keyboard 4 Pro + Magic Trackpad 2, a year's dues for NWU, a Lifetime Gab Pro membership, Wordforge... ohhh, yes. I'm gonna buy Wordforge and unban everybody they ever permabanned. Teh Wrodfrodge is teh Wrodfrodge, what can be done? As it happens, I have an army of ideas...
:naughty:
 
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