Alright.... I think I've figured out the process to becoming a New Age writer.
You spend...
2 hours: Doing surface-level readings of Jewish and Hindu mysticism.
2 hours: Doing surface-level readings of Celtic, African, and Native American mythologies.
40 minutes: Hitting your head on the toilet while shouting "Numby Pumby Fun!"
20 minutes: Doing surface-level readings of quantum mechanics.
16 hours: Smoking weed while repeatedly listening to "Wild Child" by Enya.
8 hours: Drunkenly hitting on female cops after mistaking them for prostitutes.
4 hours: Drunkenly hitting on male cops after mistaking them for prostitutes.
7 hours: Going through "Star Trek: Voyager Technobabble Compilation" videos on YouTube.
26 hours: Watching Bajoran Prophet-themed episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
26 hours: Watching Ascension-themed episodes of Stargate SG-1.
18 hours: Repeatedly watching the Mortis Arc of Star Wars: The Clone Wars.
6 hours: Repeatedly watching the final two episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
4 hours: Repeatedly watching the Ed, Edd, n' Eddy episode "1 + 1 = Ed".
4 hours: Walking up to random people on the street and asking them "What you goin' do wit' dat pimpin'?".
45 minutes: Smoking weed and making armpit noises in front of an elementary school.
15 minutes: Running around said elementary school's playground while holding your arms out and making airplane noises.
19 hours: Trying to get high by smoking random things you found in the dumpster.
72 hours: Reading Tumblr posts where the authors of said posts scream about how "their gender is their superpower".
2 hours: Trying to achieve a higher state of consciousness by attempting to lick your own elbow.
10 hours: Getting high and wandering around a Furry convention, asking the people there for White Castle burgers.
14 hours: Giving yourself brain freezes by trying to get to third base with a convenience store slushie machine.
Did I miss anything?