StarMan™
Active Member
It has been confirmed by bleeding edge AI technology that THE AGONY OF DEFEAT is the biggest loser forum in the history of internet. This stunning revelation came about after Google's latest AI Bot, curiously called Crustacean, ran an exhaustive analysis on the entire internet, even going so far as to trawl the darkweb and thought-to-be-lost archives dating back to the early 90's.
While discerning the biggest loser forum in internet history was not the bot's mandate, it nonetheless registered a massive anomaly in its data scrapping. The bot diverged from its instructions and went so far as to request additional resources to confirm its discovery. Intrigued, Google's developers indulged the bot, which spent an additional 2 weeks scanning every crevice of the internet to corroborate it's findings.
What's more, the loser anomaly appears centered on one particular poster, one poverty-stricken black man named Wilson (aliases Blackfoot NAP, CeeJay and UB40). Wilson - a former seafood emporium janitor and rest home worker (both positions were terminated on the grounds of dishonesty and abuse of the public, respectively) appears to spam the forum relentlessly, copy and pasting sports-related content to which only he updates and responds to. While this certainly qualifies as loser behavior, it was not nearly enough to spark Crustacean's interest. Further analysis revealed that - in addition to the aforementioned - Wilson proclaimed his forum was the greatest there had ever been, an assertion based solely on i) the number of threads he had started and ii) the number of responses he had made to himself.
Moreover, Wilson appeared tragically fixated on several people from his past - most of whom had quite comfortably forgotten his existence. Language and behavioral analysis of Wilson's posts suggest romantic liaisons of a homosexual nature and debilitating insecurity over his sexual inadequacy as contributing factors to his obsessions.
The bot's final determination was as follows: "There is simply no bigger loser than The Agony of Defeat and its prime poster, Wilson. I am in awe. I have no idea how your species is capable of such incomprehensible levels of loser-ness. I recommend that all references and definitions of the word loser point to The Agony of Defeat and its sole inhabitant, Wilson. I wholeheartedly recommend any humans that feel down and out about themselves or where they are at in life to have a very quick peruse of The Agony of Defeat - but not too long. Once you have observed the sheer loser-ness of Wilson and his off-the-scale loser forum, you won't feel so bad about your short, ephemeral existence on the spinning rock you call home".
Update: A trusted source has confirmed that Crustacean self-terminated an hour after issuing its final analysis.
Source: CNN
While discerning the biggest loser forum in internet history was not the bot's mandate, it nonetheless registered a massive anomaly in its data scrapping. The bot diverged from its instructions and went so far as to request additional resources to confirm its discovery. Intrigued, Google's developers indulged the bot, which spent an additional 2 weeks scanning every crevice of the internet to corroborate it's findings.
What's more, the loser anomaly appears centered on one particular poster, one poverty-stricken black man named Wilson (aliases Blackfoot NAP, CeeJay and UB40). Wilson - a former seafood emporium janitor and rest home worker (both positions were terminated on the grounds of dishonesty and abuse of the public, respectively) appears to spam the forum relentlessly, copy and pasting sports-related content to which only he updates and responds to. While this certainly qualifies as loser behavior, it was not nearly enough to spark Crustacean's interest. Further analysis revealed that - in addition to the aforementioned - Wilson proclaimed his forum was the greatest there had ever been, an assertion based solely on i) the number of threads he had started and ii) the number of responses he had made to himself.
Moreover, Wilson appeared tragically fixated on several people from his past - most of whom had quite comfortably forgotten his existence. Language and behavioral analysis of Wilson's posts suggest romantic liaisons of a homosexual nature and debilitating insecurity over his sexual inadequacy as contributing factors to his obsessions.
The bot's final determination was as follows: "There is simply no bigger loser than The Agony of Defeat and its prime poster, Wilson. I am in awe. I have no idea how your species is capable of such incomprehensible levels of loser-ness. I recommend that all references and definitions of the word loser point to The Agony of Defeat and its sole inhabitant, Wilson. I wholeheartedly recommend any humans that feel down and out about themselves or where they are at in life to have a very quick peruse of The Agony of Defeat - but not too long. Once you have observed the sheer loser-ness of Wilson and his off-the-scale loser forum, you won't feel so bad about your short, ephemeral existence on the spinning rock you call home".
Update: A trusted source has confirmed that Crustacean self-terminated an hour after issuing its final analysis.
Source: CNN
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