Random Thoughts

The Question

Eternal
You know, I think there's one thing all human beings have in common. Young or old, rich or poor, strong or weak; regardless of color, creed, religion, country...

Every human being enjoys farting. We all love to do it. Maybe we don't like other peoples' flatulence so much, but ask any human, anywhere on the planet, "Do you like to fart?" and you'll get a "Yes", possibly with a grin or even a chuckle to go with it.
 

The Question

Eternal
Random Thought numero dos: A refrigerator door should not have to be slammed, pinned against the body of the refrigerator, and repeatedly kneed in the balls (metaphor) to be closed.
 

The Question

Eternal
Random Thought The Third: With Apple deprecating OpenGL in their operating systems moving forward, game devs both small and large are likely to stop bothering to port content to the Mac unless they do it through Vulkan -- and even that seems pretty unlikely.

Therefore, the 2013 iMac will probably not be replaced with a late 2017 iMac but, rather, an HP Omen 880-110. Hate to say it -- hate even more the idea of putting a Microsoft "mandatory updates that have a higher chance than not of bricking your desktop computer for a whole day" Windows 10 machine on my desk -- but deprecating OpenGL and OpenCL instead of, y'know, updating those frameworks was a total bonehead move on Apple's part.
 

The Question

Eternal
One of these days, I'm going to assemble the Ultimate Flatulence-Producing Meal. Being borderline lactose intolerant, I think I stand a better chance than average of producing some truly awful farts -- with the right fuel, that is.

The right fuel isn't too hard to guess. Start with beans -- canned baked beans, that is. Then about a quart of garlic and onion soup, to give the clouds some extra stank. Half a block of cheese to both invoke the lactose curse (more gas) and bind things up so that gas is all that gets dispensed. About a pint of whole fat milk to really kick the lactose nightmare into overdrive. Then a couple 12 ounce cans of cheap pisswater domestic beer -- regular or "lite" doesn't really matter.

All told, it should take about an hour before this delightful little smorgasbord takes hold. Arrange to find yourself in a place you don't like the idea of when it does. A church. A Wal-Mart. Any place you really want to punish people for frequenting.
 

The Question

Eternal
There's somebody here in this complex who likes to wander around coughing. As if that wasn't annoying enough, this guy coughing sounds like most other people vomiting. "HUUUUAAAARRRGHGHHH!!! BLLLLEEEAAUUUUUAAAAUURRRGGHHH!!!"

I'd kinda like to sock down about a cup of castor oil, grab him, and spew all over him just to see if that gives him an incentive to stay inside his own apartment and make those sounds.

But that would be wrong. Hilariously, fall-down-laughing wrong.
 

The Question

Eternal
"Boneless wings" irritates me for some reason. I mean the descriptor, not the product. They're clearly not chicken wings; more like... bloated, lumpy chicken nuggets. I guess that'd be a tougher sell, though.
 

The Question

Eternal
Beef shawarma sammich and a side of hummus, followed by a mighty tasty G&T. Sunday afternoon is feelin' like prime real estate for a nice nap.
 

The Question

Eternal
Sometimes a fart is a perfectly adequate substitute for the answer to a question.

"Hey, what did you think of that Ocean's Eleven reboot but with all broads?"
"BRRRRAAAAAAAUUUUWWWRRRPRPPTTT"
"Yeah, same here."
 

The Question

Eternal
New from the makers of Almond Dream: Eye Promise! We know that as a socially conscious consumer, what you put on the family table is important to you for so many reasons -- but making a health- and environment-conscious shopping choice can be hard. Almost as hard as harvesting your ingredients by hand! Who has time for that?

Well now, for the first time, you can get savory, delicious rheum fresh from our farm to your table! We source our 100% organic free-range rheum from only the choicest bus stop residents and freeway underpass $5 wine connoisseurs so you can be assured of quality at a price that will be kind to your budget! Whether you're spreading it on toast or using it to liven up a sandwich or salad, whether your family prefers our robust Chunky or silky smooth, juicy Creamy variety, you'll enjoy only the finest that nature and flavor-packed tear ducts have to offer! Eye Promise!
 
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The Question

Eternal
Public Service Announcement: The letter T is not a more formal or emphatic version of the letter D. Conversely, the letter D is not a more informal and relaxed version of the letter T.

Readers who encounter anyone proclaiming a desire to see "got dam tiddies" are advised that slapping such individuals across the face with a 2x4, while unlawful, is an extremely difficult crime to prosecute in the absence of witnesses or video footage.
 

The Question

Eternal
Women without eyebrows look like aliens.
 

Kefka

Member
You know, I think there's one thing all human beings have in common. Young or old, rich or poor, strong or weak; regardless of color, creed, religion, country...

Every human being enjoys farting. We all love to do it. Maybe we don't like other peoples' flatulence so much, but ask any human, anywhere on the planet, "Do you like to fart?" and you'll get a "Yes", possibly with a grin or even a chuckle to go with it.
Being WHITE is the only real predictive variable, guy.
 

The Question

Eternal
Why did I pay for a $300 Kindle Oasis ebook reader when 90% of the time I use it is while sitting on the toilet taking a shit?

(Because I can.)
 

The Question

Eternal
Hochstadter's "Slow And Low Rock & Rye" is mighty good.
 

The Question

Eternal
I've been baking a gut cake since last night. Feels like it's about done.
 
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