Volpone
Zombie Hunter
Yes, *that* A-Team: "In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit..." You see, I'm building an A-Team van. In my plan to make ONE *MILLION* DOLLARS, I want to invest in real estate. But to invest in real estate, you need to renovate real estate. And it doesn't matter how clever you are, you can't fit a 4x8 sheet of plywood or drywall into the trunk of a 2009 Ford Mustang. So I needed a truck. Or a van. And with a van I could haul my motorcycle. Or go camping. Or move to a new house. And as an added plus, I could paint it like the A-Team van.
Only finding a decent A-Team van is easier said than done. I mean, forget finding a 1983 GMC G1500 Vandura. Or even a 1995 Chevy G30 cargo van. They just don't exist anymore. But even finding a decent "inspired by the A-Team/reboot" van isn't as easy as it sounds. It has to be a full-sized van. But it can't be an extended van. It has to have a sliding side door. But no side windows. And it should have a suitably imposing grille. I was looking at 2008 Ford Econolines as my optimal choice. Actually almost bought one. But it was in the next town over and I got cold feet. Eventually I found a 1991-ish Econoline just a couple blocks from my house. (This took about a year and a half.) I was all set to make an offer on it when I decided to check CraigsList one last time and there, by God, was an actual 1988 GMC G1500 Vandura. 5 years newer than the show van, but basically identical. Took the motorcycle over with an envelope of cash in one pocket and a loaded Walther PPK/S in the other in case there was any funny business. Loaded the bike in the van and drove it home.
Now, an "inspired by the A-Team van is, in many ways, simpler than an actual A-Team van. Because if you've got an '08 Econoline, no one's going to split hairs about whether or not you have the right sun visor. But if you actually get a Vandura... So I've spent the past half year or so hunting down fiberglass, electronics, etc to where there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Whew! None of this has anything to do with the topic, apart from how I got to it. The point is, unless you're independently wealthy, you spend a lot more of your time than you'd like making someone else money instead of working on your Awesome Van. So you find yourself looking for stuff online to keep you motivated. I managed to find a guy who recaps A-Team episiodes--alll of them.
Another thing I've learned is, The Van resonates with all males. I joked that it would be the perfect Rape Van--if I were into 40 year old men--but context is irrelevant. I caught an 8 year old boy scoping her out when I brought her by the muffler shop--even with her rattlecan primer paintjob. So a badass van would be a way to lure young boys.
From reading the episode reviews, I'm reminded B.A.'s thing is a youth center, where he teaches vulnerable disadvantaged kids how to make ashtrays--and other sweatshop tasks. So BA loves kids. And has a van that kids love. Pedo?
Seriously, how did we get from the '80s to today. You had your Mister Rogers and Captain Kangaroo--old men with secret playhouses full of magical puppets and trolleys and such that appealed to children. You had the Village People--nuff said. You had Richard Simmons. Ditto. You had He-Man, a tan bodybuilder in a fur loincloth and leather chest harness who did battle against a purple skeleton that rode a velvet tiger and had allies like "Man At Arms" and "Fisto." And of course, the Village People.
It was a simpler time. Oh, and picture:
Only finding a decent A-Team van is easier said than done. I mean, forget finding a 1983 GMC G1500 Vandura. Or even a 1995 Chevy G30 cargo van. They just don't exist anymore. But even finding a decent "inspired by the A-Team/reboot" van isn't as easy as it sounds. It has to be a full-sized van. But it can't be an extended van. It has to have a sliding side door. But no side windows. And it should have a suitably imposing grille. I was looking at 2008 Ford Econolines as my optimal choice. Actually almost bought one. But it was in the next town over and I got cold feet. Eventually I found a 1991-ish Econoline just a couple blocks from my house. (This took about a year and a half.) I was all set to make an offer on it when I decided to check CraigsList one last time and there, by God, was an actual 1988 GMC G1500 Vandura. 5 years newer than the show van, but basically identical. Took the motorcycle over with an envelope of cash in one pocket and a loaded Walther PPK/S in the other in case there was any funny business. Loaded the bike in the van and drove it home.
Now, an "inspired by the A-Team van is, in many ways, simpler than an actual A-Team van. Because if you've got an '08 Econoline, no one's going to split hairs about whether or not you have the right sun visor. But if you actually get a Vandura... So I've spent the past half year or so hunting down fiberglass, electronics, etc to where there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Whew! None of this has anything to do with the topic, apart from how I got to it. The point is, unless you're independently wealthy, you spend a lot more of your time than you'd like making someone else money instead of working on your Awesome Van. So you find yourself looking for stuff online to keep you motivated. I managed to find a guy who recaps A-Team episiodes--alll of them.
Another thing I've learned is, The Van resonates with all males. I joked that it would be the perfect Rape Van--if I were into 40 year old men--but context is irrelevant. I caught an 8 year old boy scoping her out when I brought her by the muffler shop--even with her rattlecan primer paintjob. So a badass van would be a way to lure young boys.
From reading the episode reviews, I'm reminded B.A.'s thing is a youth center, where he teaches vulnerable disadvantaged kids how to make ashtrays--and other sweatshop tasks. So BA loves kids. And has a van that kids love. Pedo?
Seriously, how did we get from the '80s to today. You had your Mister Rogers and Captain Kangaroo--old men with secret playhouses full of magical puppets and trolleys and such that appealed to children. You had the Village People--nuff said. You had Richard Simmons. Ditto. You had He-Man, a tan bodybuilder in a fur loincloth and leather chest harness who did battle against a purple skeleton that rode a velvet tiger and had allies like "Man At Arms" and "Fisto." And of course, the Village People.
It was a simpler time. Oh, and picture: