Thinking of getting a doctorate in theology...

[Volpone]

...and I wonder if anyone's ever done it this way--and for this reason.

OK. One of my pet theories is that there is really only 1 god. And all the religions are targeted marketing to get "His" message to a particular demographic.

Walk with me here. If there is a God, we almost certainly can't understand Him with our limited human brains. So, like a little kid, telling a story, we come up with ways to explain the bits we don't understand. God could very well be real. "He" could be some hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional being that has used gravity and strategic meteors to shape evolution on Earth. Why? I dunno. Everyone needs a hobby. I kept a fish alive for a couple years once.

I mention this after finally getting around to reading the New Testament.

My take on it is, God somehow decided the time was right to send His message to the pink apes. Really, there are big chunks of the Gospels that read like an attempt at a "How To" manual on becoming an omnipotent glow-y Star Trek energy being. But it didn't work out. So he had to send Paul along to try to keep things moving but, being human, Paul gets wrapped up on fornication, circumcision, and what kind of headgear you should wear in church. He totally misses the point. And it's all downhill from there.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling. It's been a long day.

My point is, each of the other religions--if you buy my theory--are God's attempt to get His message to us. So if one studied Christianity and one studied Islam. And one studied Judaism. And Zoroastrianism. And Buddhism. And...you name it, you could get yourself closer to figuring out how to turn yourself into a glow-y omnipotent Star Trek energy being--just like God wanted all along.

 

[Mirah]

Go for it.

 

[Volpone]

It'll probably be easier than figuring out how to bring my dog into Heaven.

That's another story.

Most people will agree that your body is just a meat machine for carrying your brain around, keeping it alive and letting it interact with its surroundings. I'd take it to the next step and say that your brain is just a machine for holding your experiences; your consciousness. And that is your "soul."

"Heaven" and "Hell" maybe aren't places you go when you die. It's just whether or not your soul has developed enough to continue to exist without a meat machine to hold it. If it has, you continue to exist on some other level. If it hasn't, you go away when you die. "Purgatory" could be the phenomena of ghosts. Souls that are advanced enough to exist without a body, but not advanced enough to realize it, so they try to continue doing the things they did in life instead of moving on to whatever is after.

Which brings me to my dog. Doctrine says only humans go to heaven, but I've always believed dogs go to heaven. Only, if you apply my theory, maybe the reason for the doctrine is that a dog doesn't have a sophisticated enough brain that operates in a way that it is able to become a soul that can continue on without a physical housing. So my task is to store enough of my dog's experiences in my own brain that I can bring her along to heaven with me when I die.

Or figure out how to ascend into a glow-y Star Trek being. Either way.

But I think this may be impossible. I can't capture enough of my dog's dog-ness to bring her with. I can only bring the aspect of her that I experienced.