Wacky Reviews: Star Trek

[CaptainWacky]

Persistence of Vision - Neelix tries to warn Janeway that they're about to enter dangerous "Bothan" space but she has a meeting in Engineering about setting up holo projectors all over the ship so the Doctor can leave Sickbay (did they get the idea from his mad dream?) The Doctor appears Ant-Man sized and Janeway yells at Harry (good.) The Doctor orders her to take some time off in the Holodeck, which means the return of her shitty holonovel. The shitty holo actor tells her he loves her and that's the end of the teaser. That was expected to keep viewers tuned in? Everything gets really dramatic with the guy, his shitty kids and their housekeeper (or whatever) and I think we're supposed to care? Neelix tells Janeway that ships entering Bothan space never leave again. She probably should have listened to him earlier. Paris does his "friendly fellow!" catchpharse after a Bothan tries to intimidate them. Janeway finds it weird when she sees cucumber sandwiches outside the Holodeck after the shitty kids were eating them. Then she sees one of the shitty kids warning her off her father. She thinks maybe the holo projectors Kim and Torres set up are responsible but they say that can't be true and she must just be mad. Janeway asks Neelix about a cup she saw earlier but it looks different now. While the Doctor examines Janeway, Kes gets cold. Janeway sees the little girl again and she runs at Janeway and enters her body(?) Kes sees it too and says she's been doing some mental exercises with Tuvok to open her mind to her abilities. Janeway eats coffee ice cream but hears the voice of her Earth lover Mark and dogs barking. The housekeeper woman shows up and attacks Janeway with a knife. It turns out Janeway is still in Sickbay and Kes can still see her hallucinations.

Chakotay has to deal with the Bothans while Janeway is sick. He does badly and some cloaked ships attack Voyager. Janeway goes to the Bridge as a show of strength. The Bothan appears to her as Mark. Paris sees him as his father. Kim sees Libby (thankfully we don't see her so we don't have to suffer her acting again.) Tuvok sees his wife and his lute appears. He's fooled for a moment. Paris easily ignores his father in a nice character moment. Torres finds herself alone with Chakotay in Engineering. He says everyone else is compromised and they should leave together. Then suddenly they're having sex! This is apparently what Torres has always wanted (and it'll never come up again.) Tom's dad appears on the Bridgge and calls him a big faiulre and this time Tom is distracted. Janeway's the only one left. Mark tries to slut shame Janeway for cheating on him with a hologram (FORESHADOWING.) She ends up in a trance like everyone else. The Doctor and Kes are left and have to carry out the plan Torres came up to defeat the aliens. Kes ignores a badly burned Paris hallucination. She gets to Engineering but Neelix shows up to tempt her. He's more convincing than Tom but she resists him. Neelix becomes aggressive and Ethan Phillips actually does some strong acting playing an evil versiion of him. Kes suddenly suffers from horrible sores. She focuses on fake Neelix and mirrors her injuries back on him. So we get to see Neelix in horrible pain! Kes does whatever was needed to defeat the Bothans and one of them is captured in Engineering. Janeway aks why he did all this and he says "because I can!" Janeway tells him she's going to stop him and maybe she'll lock him up. The Bothan says "I'm not really here!" and he and his ships disappear. It's a bizarre but entertaining end to his story. We don't really find out anything about the Bothans. Janeway and Torres talk about the visions they had. Janeway says maybe the alien did them a favour by letting them seen their innermost feelings.

It's a weird episode in that the first half is all about Janeway going mad. It's fine, as far as "Trek character goes mad and sees things!" stuff goes, but it does involve her terrible holonovel so points lost for that. Then halfway through everyone goes mad and I can't help thinking maybe they should have just started it like that. Again this stuff is pretty well done in terms of acting and direction. Then it turns into a Kes episode near the end with her saving the day. Her showdown with the Bothan is actually the best part of the episode and the Fake Neelix stuff is pretty horrific for Star Trek. I do like that we don't find out much about the aliens but it means that we don't end up having much of a story either.

SCORE: 7/10

 

[whisky]

Many bothan spies died to make this episode.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Tattoo - On a moon, Chakotay notices some markings that make him flashback to his childhood. His father explains that the marking was left by the "rubber tree people" who his tribe are descended from and they've lived in the jungle isolated from the rest of humanit for thousands of years. The Doctor treats the still pregnant Wildman and is insensitive to her pregnancy pain. Kes tells him that if he knew what it was like to be ill he'd understand. Janeway and Chakotay talk about how weird it is he say the same symbol on Earth and on a planet 70,000 years ago (and what are the odds they just happened to stop on that planet?) Chakotay says the rubber tree people would say the "Sky Spirits" put it there. Chakotay, Tuvok, B'Elanna and Neelix try to make contact with the aliens from the moon because they want to mine it but they can't beam down because the transporter never works in Voyager. Time to crash a shuttle instead! Flashback Chakotay moans about it raining in the rainforest. His dad thinks Chakotay needs to be more open to "the spirits" or something. Chakotay sees a face in the storm as the shuttle lands. The Doctor programs himself to have the flu so he can feel what it's like to be sick. On the planet/moon (yes I've lost track of where they are) Chakotay sees a hawk and it reminds him of the time he told his father he was joining Starfleet Academy (with "Captain Sulu" sponsoring him.) The hawk tries to claw Neelix's eye out(!) then attacks Chakotay. The Doctor treats Neelix with the sniffles and Chakotay finds an abandoned village. Chakotay orders Tuvok and Torres to lay down their weapons so as not to scare the villagers. Flashback Chakotay and his father encounter the rubber tree people. They have forehead ridges, but nobody acts like this is strange.

There's a storm on the planet/moon and Chakotay is hit by a tree. Tuvok and Torres just beam out and leave him. The Doctor complains to Janeway that his illness hasn't gone away and he needs someone to fix him. The Doctor isn't coping well with being ill. Kes admits she programmed him to be sick for longer because humans never know when their illnesses will end. It's not one of the better Doctor B-stories. In flashbacks the rubber people make Chakotay and his dad take their clothes off so Chakotay takes his clothes off in the present day. Hs bum is covered by a tree. Voyager tries to land on the planet/moon but is hit by a really bad storm. It's not long before they've only got ten minutes to live. Chakotay finally meets the aliens in a cave. He talks to them using some of the words his father taught him all those years ago. They recognise that he has the same tattoo as them. They reveal that 45,000 years ago their people travelled to Earth and met Chakotay's people. They were impressed by how much the tribe respected the land so gave them a "genetic bonding" that inspired the tribe to cross the Earth into the new land before they were nearly wiped out by the white man. To be honest this is all a bit more complicated than I'm describing it but you get the gist. Voyager suddenly stops shaking right before it was about to crash. The Sky Spirits give Chakotay some of the stuff he needs from the planet. They tell him it took them two generations to reach Earth (why did they go all the way to Earth?) Chakotay thinks back on his father and says he can finally hear what the hawk is saying (hey remember when the hawk tried to kill Neelxi?)

It's not actually a terrible episode but it's pretty boring. Chakotay's pretty flat, the aliens have a complicated backstory, and it turns out that his tribe are all part alien. I don't know, that all seems vaguely racist? I don't think Trek does spirituality very well and maybe they should stop trying. It's an episode. It exists.

SCORE: 5/10


Cold Fire - We start with a recap of 'Caretaker' and then "TEN MONTHS LATER..." Tuvok is giving Kes lessons on controll her psychic powers. She can hear the thoughts of various crewmembers and manages to isolate Neelix's thoughts (he's getting a haircut. It's lucky he wasn't wanking over B'Elanna or something.) Tuvok tells her off for giggling. In Sickbay, the Doctor and Kes find that the Caretaker's remains have started vibrating and making a weird noise. They pick up lifesigns but B'Elanna works out that they're actually coming from another lifeform of the same type of the Caretaker. Janeway thinks it could be the Caretaker's mate and Torres tries to track her down using the Caretaker's remains as a compass. Tuvok works on a poison that can knock out that type of lifeform (look they keep saying this word that I'm not gong to try to spell, it's the type of lifeform the Caretaker was.) They find a space station that looks a lot like the Caretaker's array (but much smaller) and has two thousand Ocampa onboard. A male Ocampa (Tanis) warns them away at first but then agrees to beam over after he sees Kes. Tanis explains to Janeway that Voyager is known as a "ship of death" and are thought to have killed the Caretaker and declared war on the Kazon. Tanis telepathically tells Kes he wants to talk to her alone. Kes shows Tanis her plants but he says Voyager is a cold and barren place. He reveals he's 14 years old as his caretaker Suspiria (I wonder if she'll turn out to be evil!) has taught his Ocampa things that the older Caretaker never would. He makes all of Kes's plants grow to impress her. Tanis speaks with Suspiria. He wants Kes but she wants the ship. Tanis has dinner with the senior staff and tells them Suspiria exists as pure energy. He invites Kes to stay on the station with them and offers to help train her to master her abilities. Neelix actually does well to not appear openly jealous here (character development!) Tuvok keeps working on his plant to be able to subdue Suspiria (this is going to be important later I guess!) Kes makes a tea cup move with her mind and boils the water inside it. Neelix is impressed and turned on.

Voyager travels to the area of space where Suspiria usually appears. Tanis sends her a message. Kes offers to show Tuvok her new abilities. It doesn't go well as she accidentally BOILS TUVOK'S BLOOD. Jennifer Lien does a hilariously loud scream here too and it's all very funny/disturbing. Thankfully the Doctor saves Tuvok's life despite his boiled blood (boiled blood sounds pretty fatal to me!) Tuvok tells Kes not to apologise because he's a Vulcan and he'll help her get good anyway. Tanis tells Kes she has to accept that she's more advanced that stupid humans and soon she'll see them as pets. He has her set fire to all her plants as a demonstration of her power. He sure loves fire. Kes is disturbed at killing things but Tanis tells her it's great really. He tells her once she meets Suspiria she can go to a special subspace realm where she'll exist as pure thought and it'll be fun. Suspiria shows up and Tanis tells Kes it's time for her to go home. She can hear all the Ocampa on the station calling to her. Suspiria shows up in Engineering and she's...a little girl. But the Caretaker was an old man. I knw they're aliens but ti's still pretty creepy. Kes senses that Suspiria wants to destroy the ship. Suspiria wants revenge for the Caretaker's death and hangs Tuvok, Torres and Janeway in the air. (Surely she should know he was old and nearing the end of his lifetime? The Caretaker had been bringng spaceships to him for years because he thought he was going to die soon, did she not know that?) Tanis beats up Neelix so Kes makes him bleed from the eyes. Tuvok shoots Suspiria with his special weapon. Janeway tells Suspiria she doesn't want to hurt anyonne and frees her from the forcefield she was trapped behind to prove it. Suspiria is really easily won over, turns into a weird purple thing, and just flies away. Tanis says "take me with you" and disappears. So after all that Janeway didn't even get to ask Suspiria to send them home. Kind of a waste of time! Tuvok tells Kes not to fear her dark side because everyone has one, even Vulcans.

This epsode starts out pretty interesting. The "TEN MONTHS LATER" thing makes it feel like it's going to be important. Kes and Tuvok together is good, certainly better than Kes and Neelix. Tanis is kind of interesting at first. What's he up to? Will Suspiria help Voyager get home? Turns out Tanis just...has the hots for Kes, I think? I'm not sure what other reasons he could have for trying to get her to come to his energy realm when there's another two thousand Ocampa on his station anyway. Maybe Kes has unusually strong abilities but that's never suggested in the episode. And Suspiria? It's pretty unbelievable that she'd think Voyager killed the Caretaker, given that he was an old man desperately searching for a new mater, and then she just instantly disappears for no reason after Janeway makes friends with her. It all ends up being pretty pointless. But the boiling blood scene must be watched.

SCORE: 6/10

 

[Cassie]

I always thought it was so weird that they wrote Chakotay like some noble savage character.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Maneuvers - Voyager is hailed by someone using a federation signal. Harry gets excited because it uses a code that wasn't scheduled to be used until a month after Voyager arrived in the DQ. But Voyager is attacked by Kazon when they find the source of the code and yeah it's obviously Seska (but it takes the crew a while to figure that out.) They managed to punch a hole through Voyager's shields ("it's as if they know our access codes!" well maybe you should have changed them after Seska left.) Some Kazon manage to get into the cargo bay on a small vessel but Chakotay realises it's just a distraction so others can steal a transporter module. Culluh and Seska (now looking Cardassian again) contact them to do some gloating. Neelix warns against going after the Kazon-Nistrim but Janeway says she can't let them have transporter technology. Chakotay warns that Seska is trying to trick them again so they'll have to be even tricksier than she. Culluh tries to recruit another sect to help him take Voyager. B'Elanna warns Chakotay not to get too emotional (they note the irony.) The other Maje threatens Culluh but Seska talks him out of violence. Voyager arrives to find that Maje and his buddy floating in space. The Doctor reports that they were killed by being beamed into space (Neelix puts this together, he's useful!) Chakotay takes matters into his own hands and goes off by himself in a shuttle. Seska keeps Culluh on side by telling him how smart he is while it's really her who's coming up with all the ideas. But he does get angry when she reveals she's contacted a load of other sects without asking him. She easily wins him back around by being sexy and Culluh thinks he can unite the sects and be the most powerful Kazon ever. Torres tries to explain Chakotay's actions by Janeway by telling her Chakotay was in love with Seska and then publically humiliated by her.

Chakotay's shuttle arrives at Culluh's ship. Seska instantly knows it's him and takes commad of trying to catch him (as she should because she's great and Culluh isn't.) Chakotay's shuttle is captured but he's already beamed out and destroys the transporter module. Voyager picks up a message beacon from Chakotay telling them what he's done and not to risk the ship coming after him. Chakotay is locked up and refuses a drink from Seska. She admits she's impressed with he destroyed the module. Seska tells Chakotay she's only interested in him for his command codes but you can tell she wants to bone him really. She warns him that all the other Kazon are coming to attack Voyager and only he can stop it. Tuvok tells Janeway it's silly to go after Chakotay and she admits she's conflicted. Torres argues for saving him because the First Officer dying would hurt morale. Janeway of course goes after him. Culluh beats up Chakotay but Chuckles hurts him worse by revealing he had Seska first and she's using Culluh. Voyager arrives and finds all the other Kazon ships there. Torres comes up with the idea to beam Chakotay out at warp speed. Culluh hosts peace talks with two other Majes. Voyager arrives and Torres tries to beam out Chakotay but Seska stops it. Voyager shakes Culluh's ship around and Seska has a hard team interfacing with them. The other Majes aren't impressed by Culluh. Since they can't beam out Chakotay, Janeway comes up with the smart idea to beam Culluh and the other Majes to Voyager. They have to return Chakotay (and the shuttle) in exchange for their freedom. Janeway tells of Chakotay for running off like a cowboy and setting a terrible example to the crew. She puts him on report and he's sorry he let her down. Seska sends one last message with a shocking reveal...she stole some of Chakotay's DNA and impregnated herself with it! That's...a pretty random ending.

It's the best episode of the season so far! Turns out Kazon episodes are actually good. But really it's the Chakotay/Seska dynamic that makes this one work. Martha Hackett is great once again and this is a much better character episode for Chakotay than all that rubber tree people nonsense. The action is pretty exciting too. It's good!

SCORE: 8.5/10

 

[CaptainWacky]

Resistance - Janeway, Tuvok, Torres and Neelix are buying something from an alien market when they're attacked by stormtroopers. Janeway is shot and a crazy old man runs to help her. Back on Voyager we find the ship's warp drive is shutting down and they need the substance from the planet to fix it (I don't know how this happened so fast.) Neelix returns with the substance but the others have been taken. Harry fixes the warp drive but Chakotay needs to get the missing crew back. The Nazi aliens are surprisingly helpfu when Chakotay contacts them. Tuvok and Torres are locked up together and have the usual anger versus logic interactions. Janeway wakes up in Caylem's (Joely Grey from Buffy season 5 and no doubt lots of other things) home. He believes her to be his daughter. She tries to explain who she is but he's a bit crazy and just think she's telling a story. He wants them to rescue his daughter's mother together. The Nazi (okay their species is the Mokra) comes to Voyager and assures Chakotay that he's their friend and doesn't believe all those nasty rumours about Voyager. He wants Chakotay to wait while he sorts things out. The Mokra question Tuvok and Torres on the planet, accusing them of being part of the resistance. Janeway wants to save her friends but Caylem just keeps talking like she's his daughter and doing crazy old man stuff. Caylem reveals he's been writing letters to her mother for years but never been able to deliver them because she's in jail. THe Mokra arrive and Caylem and Janeway sneak out through a secret passage.

They hide from the Mokra in the market but Caylem nearly goes nuts when he sees the guy who jailed his wife. He distracts the stormtroopers with a painfully annoying crazy old man act (he puts a bowl on his head!) to help a resistance member who'd just been picked up by the Mokra escape. Janeway has to trade her fake dead mum's necklace to the resistance guy for help breaking into the prison. Caylem tells Janeway he's a coward as he was supposed to be helping his wife with resistance stuff but never showed up and she got arrested. The Mokra torture Tuvok and Torrest grows inscreasingly angry. Tuvok tells her not to worry because Vulcans can take the pain. She doesn't understand why he isn't angry, but he says they're fighting back by refusing to give any information. Janeway disguises herself as a prostitute(!) to get into the Mokra jail. She leads a guard away so Caylem can knock him out. Janeway goes in to rescue the prisoners without Caylem. Voyager tries to penetrate the Mokra's defences but is shut by an ion cannon or something. Tuvok and Torres break out since Janeway's lowered the shields (Tuvok gets to nerve pinch a mofo.) Janeway finds Caylem capering about inside the prison even though she left him outside. The Moktra keep shooting at Voyager in one of those tedious "shields at 8%!" scenes Voyager seems to do more than any other Trek. Janeway is reunited with Tuvok and Torres but the guards show up too. The head Mokra reveals that Caylem's wife and daughter are dead. Caylem stabs him while dancing about gurning but is shot. Janeway pretends to be his daughter as he dies. The other resistance guy says no one will forget Caylem now. Chakotay finally beams them up.

It's a hard episode to rate. It's well meaning and some of it's good. The Tuvok/Torres stuff I can say is outright good and a combination of characters I'd like to see more often. It's the Janeway/Caylem stuff I'm not as sure about. Joel Grey...I'm not saying his acting is bad (I liked him in Buffy), but...it's the type of performance I struggle with? He does this crazy derp face sometimes that I can barely stand looking at. The part where he's pretending to be even crazier than he really is I find excrutiating, even though I do appreciate the point of that scene (that he knows everyone seees him as crazy so he acts up to it.) He has quite a few monologues to camera and I find these more tolerable. So I admit my own biases against old men pulling faces are hurting these scenes. But I think I can objectively say that, as a character episode for Janeway, it's somewhat lacking. Kate Mulgrew gives a great performance, but what do we find out about Janeway as a character here? Not much! Imagine if this was a DS9 episode with Kira in the same place (and it literally was.) We'd find out about Kira's own relationship with her real father and she'd have complex feelings about Caylem and so on. Janeway's just kind of along for the ride here, other than feeling sorry for Caylem. So yeah I feel like some people would give this like 9/10 and declare it a season highlight but for me it's just a good episode.

SCORE: 7/10

 

[CaptainWacky]

Prototype - We start from the point of view of some kind of robot (everything's black and white!) as it is beamed onto Voyager. B'Elanna wants to fix it, Tuvok wants to let its power run out. We see B'Elanna stick a cable up its ass as she and Kim try to give the robot some power. It turns into a regular episode after the opening as Torres works tirelessly to fix the robo chap. She has Neelix make her lots of coffee as she tries to come up with a solution. We get to see B'Elanna's pyjamas as she thinks of something in bed and runs off to speak to the Doctor. He helps her come up with the technobabble solution she needs and the robot is finally activated. He is Unit 3947 and he thanks B'Elanna for fixing him. He...looks pretty silly with his metal face with no eye, nose or mouth holes. He tells Torres that the "Builders" who created his type no longer exist and he wants her to make new power units for his robo buddies. B'Elanna wants to help but Janeway says it's a Prime Directive violation to help them reproduce. Maybe the natural course of evolution has resulted in the extinction of the robots. Harsh! A ship of robots hails Voyager and Paris does his fucking "friendly fellow!" thing again. Is there a bigger waste of space on Voyager than Paris? 3947 stuns B'Elanna and kidnaps her to the robot ship.

3947 locks B'Elanna in a lab where she's to build the new power units. The robot ships has superior firepower to Voyager and fucks them up badly (don't worry, they'll be fine by next episode.) B'Elanna tells 3947 she'll build a prototype if he lets Voyager live. Another robot gives B'Elanna and 3947 140 hours to build the prototype as that's when Voyager will be repaired.n B'Elanna explains to 3947 that every robot has a power unit with a unique energy code so it's hard to make a unit that will work for all of them. Voyager tries to come up with a plan to beam Torres out by sending a shuttle within the robot ship's shields. There's a bit where Chakotay and Paris mildly clash and really we should be seeing a lot more of that. B'Elanna tries to find out more about the robots and the Builders. She tells him about Data, the only sentient robot in the Federation. B'Elanna gets her prototype up and running. Voyager arrives and finds another ship full of robots has attacked the one with B'Elanna on it. She wonders if they've stumbled on some kind of ROBOT WAR (like with Craig Charles!) The "builders" of both robot armies are dead and yet they continue to fight their war like in a TOS episode. Torres finds out that the builders tried to call a truce so the robots killed them. Hey these robots are kind of evil! She realises her prototype is going to cause more deaths and destroys it. Paris does some nifty shuttle flying and beams her out. The robots keep fighting each other and Voyager gets away. Kes makes a cameo serving B'Elanna coffee and she talks to Janeway about how hard it was to kill her robot child.

It's just a meh episode. I like robots but these are fairl boring and bad looking robots. I like B'Elanna Torres and it's fun watching her geeking out over the robots and stuff, but the ending when she's all "oh no what have I done!" and has to kill her creation doesn't really work that well when she was forced to build him by evil robots anyway. I liked the part where they mentioned Data. It's an episode.

SCORE: 6.5/10

 

[Cassie]

It's one of those Voyager episodes that had potential, but they didn't go anywhere and you didn't really learn any lessons except don't help robots OR SOMETHING.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

I remember the robot giving me weird confusing feelings.

 

[CaptainWacky]

It did have weird lips.

 

[The Question]

ROBOT WARS! IN... SPAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYCE!

Or some shit.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Alliances - Voyager is attacked by several Kazon ships and badly damaged. Everyone's hair is messed up. Many are taken to Sickbay with injuries and a Maquis crewmember Torres was friends with dies. Chakotay goes to Janeway and says maybe Voyager has to change to survive in the DQ. Three crewmen have died at the hands of the Kazon recentl and it can't go on. There's a memorial service for the dead man and Chakotay speaks about how great he was (and yes once again it would be better if we'd seen this guy before.) Afterwards another Maquis crewman (Hogan) goes to Janeway and tells her they should just give the Kazon what they want because the Prime Directive doesn't matter out here. Janeway says she'll destroy the ship before handing it over to the Kazon and throws shade at Chakotay on the way out. Chakotay tells Janeway they need to find a way between the Maquis and Starfleet way. He suggests making an alliance with one or more Kazon sect. Janeway goes to her old friend Tuvok for advice (he notes she's very rarely been in his quarters.) Tuvok tells her how Spock once suggested an alliance with the Klingons and Tuvok himself was against it at the time. He uses a flower he created as a metaphor for how Voyager must adapt in the DQ. Janeway tells the crew she's decided to make an alliance with the Kazon, much to Harry's shock. Neelix conveniently has an old Kazon friend on a nearby planet. B'Elanna suggests an alliance with Seska. Culluh and Seska respond favourably (Chakotay has understandable doubts.) Neelix goes to a generic seedy space bar, complete with dancing Kazon girl (the first time we've seen a Kazon female I think.) Neelix's friend is trying to solve a puzzle because the dancing girl said she'd sleep with him if he does (sounds legit.) Some Kazon quickly show up and arrested Neelix for being Neelix. Janeway tells Culluh and Seska the terms of their new arrangement. Culluh wants an exchange of crewmembers, which Janeway obviously won't go along with. Seska tries to play peacemaker but Culluh tells her to shut up. Janeway won't do business with a sexist and tells Culluh to go (and once again I'm angry that they didn't have Seska come back to Voyager and eventually become a trusted member of the crew.) Neelix is sent to a cave with some Trabe and meets their leader Mabus. The Trabe are ready to break out and need Neelix's help.

Hogan goes to B'Elanna and asks her to contact Seska behind Janeway's back but Torres won't do it and tells him to fuck off. Amother crewman (Jonas) is shown listening in. Neelix and the Trabe break out of their cave prison. A load of Kazon ships show up and Voyager's ready for a fight, but it's Neelix and the Trabe. The ship's were originally Trabe but were stolen by the Kazon. Mabus tells Janeway that his people kept the Trabe as near slaves when he was a boy but they rebelled and killed many of the Trabe (he says the Trabe deserved it.) He's been exiled in space ever since. The Kazon still want revenge. Jonas contacts Culluh's ship trying to get a message to Seska. Neelix tells Janeway how the Trabe were rich and powerful and nobody really knew they mistreated the Kazon. Tuvok says it might not be a good idea to make an alliance with the Trabe since the Kazon hate them. Janeway suggests to Mabus that they fly together out of Kazon space. Mabus has a more bold plant: to meet up with the leaders of all the Kazon sects and make a deal for peace. Janeway obviously loves this idea because it's so Starfleet. Seska tells Culluh it's his own fault Voayger made a deal with the Trabe. Culluh wants to beat her up but she says he can't because she's pregnant with his baby. Seska tells Culluh he should go to Janeway's peace conference to use it to his own advantage. Neelix reports that an assassin was spotted mapping out the conference area and maybe one of the Kazon Majes wants to kill all the others. Neelix's friend designs a table for him (did he ever solve that puzzle?) All the Majes arrive for the conference, including Culluh. The Kazon don't trust the Trabe much and Culluh wonders if Janeway's made a union with them to destroy the Kazon. Janeway says she just wants stability in the Quadrant. Culluh appeals to the other Majes by saying you can't trust women and Trabe. Mabus suggests all his Starfleet friends step outside of him. She realises he's the one who organised the assassinatioin attempt. A Trabe ship appears at the window and fires on the Majes, but Janeway's told them all to take cover. Voyager sends the Trabe ship packing. Mabus tells Janeway he was just trying to bring about peace by killing all the Majes. Janeway just doesn't understand the harsh realities of space. Janeway beams him the fuck off her ship. She makes a speech to the senior staff about how there's a lesson for them all here. This part of space has few rules so it's more important than ever that they stick to the Federation's rules. Those are the best allies they have!

Most of the way through this is looking like a 9/10 episode. It all feels more serious and important than Voyager has this season. Okay, we never saw the crewman before he died, but at least we get a sense that his death means something. Janeway being willing to break Starfleet rules feels like a big thing and we finally get the Maquis crewmembers (including Chakotay!) clashing with Starfleet ideals. The twist with the Trabe just wanting to kill all the Kazon is a nice twist too. But the final scene feels so rushed. Janewa just kind of blows everything off by saying they have to stick to their Starfleet principles because they can't trust anything else and that's fine, but it doesnt' really solve the problem, does it? The Kazon are still going to attack them again, more crewmen are going to die and sticking to the rules isn't going to change that. So I can't quite go 9/10 but this is probably the best episode of the seaon so far.

8.5/10

 

[CaptainWacky]

Threshold - Tom uses the "transwarp" drive on a shuttle to attempt to fly at Warp 10 but the shuttle explodes. Luckily it's just a Holodeck simulation. Tom and Harry explain to Neelix that they've found a new form of dilithium that could in theory let them travel at Warp 10, breaking the "warp threshold". By flying at that speed they would occupy every point in the universe simulatenously (what.) Neelix accidentally solves their technobabble engineering problem and Janeway gives permission for a test flight. She tells Tom that the Doctor's found there's a 2% chance the flight will kill him due to a rare medical condition, but Tom tells her his dad always told him he was special so she lets him pilot the shuttle anyway (that makes sense!) Paris flies the shuttle to warp 10 and disappears. His shuttle appears again later with Paris unconscious. The Doctor reports that he's just asleep and shouts "WAKE UP!" in a mildly funny bit. Paris reports he was "everywhere" in the universe at once but doesn't manage to make it sound very exciting. Janeway and Torres are excited that the successful warp 10 flight means they can get home and also change the nature of human existence. Tom's shuttle has a star map of "this sector" though shouldn't it have a map of everything, everywhere since that's where it went? Tom goes weird and veiny while drinking coffee with B'Elanna. The Doctor reports that Tom is no longer processing oxygen and that sounds pretty worrying! The Doctor and Kes work hard to keep Tom alive. Tom makes a weird speech about how he'll have a big funeral with lots of pretty girls crying (but not Torres.) I'm not sure what they're going for here because it's neither funny nor touching. He asks Kes to kiss him but she can't breathe the atmosphere behind his forcefield (that's the only reason, she doesn't give a shit about Neelix.) Tom dies!

We don't get to see anyone but the Doctor and Kes react to Tom's death, which is weird. Anyway he wakes up alive the next morning so forget that whole death thing. The Doctor reports that Paris now has two hearts. Jonas sends all information on the warp 10 flight to his Kazon contact. IT'S A STORY ARC! The Doctor tells Janeway that Tom's DNA is rewriting itself (what) and also he's gone mad. Tom's skin is peeling and he's bald. Tom says whatever he evolves into will be better than the Maquis traitor he is now and Janeway shoudln't take his becoming away from him. Then he coughs his tongue up, which at least is hilariously gross. Tom (struggling to speak without a tongue) tells the Doctor that he has to leave the ship for reasons only he can understand. The Doctor comes up with a way to cure Tom by sticking him in the warp core (really.) It doesn't work and Tom breaks out. You can tell Robert Beltran thinks this episode is shit by how half-assed his acting is here, by the way. He's actually always been pretty good up until now. Tom (who now looks a bit like a lizard alien) kidnaps Janeway and steals the warp 10 shuttle. He takes them to warp 10 again. Voyager finds them three days later. The Doctor makes a completely unconvincing speech bout how what's happening to Paris is just natural evolution. It's just been sped up by millions of years. A real doctor would know that evolution doesn't have a natural endpoint, that it's a reslt of random mutations and none of this makes fucking sense. Anyway Janeway and Paris are now salamanders on a planet and Janeway's had babies. Chakotay stuns them and takes them back to the ship (he leaves the babies behind even though they're super evolved humans and this is surely a Prime Directive violation?) This is pretty funny at least. Janeway and Paris talk about the fact that they had sex. Janeway tells him he's getting a commendation for breaking the threshold and having sex with her.

It's an episoe that has to be seen to be believed but that would mean you'd have to watch it and I can't recommend that. It is of course dreadful as nothing about it makes sense. The science is probably the worst ever for Star Trek, but that wouldn't matter too much if it actually had a story. What is this episode actually about? There's one bit where Tom is talking to Janeway about wanting to prove himself. Fine. But how does that connect with a story about him evolving into a lizard thing and impregnating her? It doesn't, does it. This isn't a character episode for Tom. It's an episode where a bunch of dumb shit happens and one of it means anything. But I do like the bit with his tongue and hey it's so all so bizarre that at least it isn't boring (except it kind of is during all the technobabble.)

SCORE: 1/10


Meld - Tom and Harry play pool and Tom wants to bet replicator rations. He then starts "running numbers" with he rest of the crew. Neelix acts extremely annoyingly with Tuvok. Luckily for Tuvok he's called away by Torres who has found a dead body in Engineering. The Doctor reports that the man has been murdered. A Maquis named Suder was the only one on duty at the same time as the murdered man. Chakotay reports that Suder (a Betazoid) seemed to enjoy killing Cardassians a little too much. Tuvok interviews Suder (played by Brad "Wormtongue" Dourif) who denies killing the murdered dude. But right after the Doctor presents DNA evidence proving that Suder is the killer. Suder admits to the murder now and dispassionately describes carrying it out to Tuvok. When Tuvok asked why he did it, Suder shrugs and says he didn't like the way his victim looked at him. Tuvok isn't happy because there was no logical reason for the murder. The Doctor (and Cameo Kes) report that Suder wasn't not a psychopath. The Doctor says these things happen sometimes but Tuvok won't accept it and goes to question Suder further. Suder admits he's thought of killing many people in Starfleet, including Tuvok himself, but can't explain why he killed the guy he did. He says he can't feel anything at all and if he was in Janeway's place he'd execute him (but he knows she won't do that.) Tuvok still isn't satisfied and goes back to Suder asking to mind meld with him so he can understand Suder. He thnks Suder will gain some self control out of it too and Suder is eager to go for it. They meld. The B-story about Tom's betting scheme continues. Tuvok reports to Janeway that Suder was telling the truth and simply couldn't contain his violent impulses. Then he suggests that they could execute Suder. Janeway wants to just lock him up in his quarters but Tuvok doesn't think this is an appropriate punishment for murder. Janeway begins to suspect that Tuvok has been affected by the meld.

Neelix tries to make Tuvok smile, theateing to sing to him every day. Tuvok fucking CHOKES HIM TO DEATH. It's obviously the best scene even and equally obviously just in the Holodeck. But it's great. Chakotay shuts down Tom's betting ring and tells him how disappointed the Captain will be. Paris smarts off to him but Chakotay lets it go. Tuvok visits Suder, who has been helped greatly by the mind meld. Tuvok tells him that he has to keep up Vulcan mind techniques and kill things (Neelix) on the Holodeck to keep from going mad again. He tells Tuvok it must be difficult having his violent thoughts now as they are attractive. He wants to meld with Tuvok again. He compares a mind meld to an act of violence ("penetration") and poitns out that it could be fatal if Tuvok lost control. Tuvok locks himself in his quarters and deletes his security clearance. Janeway goes to visit him and finds his quarters smashed up. Tuvok warns her to stay away. He's counted 94 ways he knows of killing someone using just his own body. The Doctor complains of the foolishness of Vulcan mind melds as Tuvok begins treatment. He has to take away Tuvok's ability to control himself so that his mind will take control again (or something.) Unable to suppress his emotions, Tuvok feels things and gets all hyper from the emotions. Tuvok threats to kill everyone, including the Doctor, and tells Janeway she's wrong not to execute Suder and she disgusts him. He asks to be allowed to go and kill Suder hismelf (even trying to use his telepathic powers on Kes so she'll let him out.) He knocks himself out against the forcefield. The Doctor says Tuvok's mind is fighting a battle between good and evil. Evil Tuvok breaks out of Sickbay at night (I guess the Doctor's sleeping.) He breaks into Suder's quarters. Suder asks if it's justice or vengenace and points out that if Tuvok can't control the violence it will control him. Tuvok grabs him to meld him to death but lets him go before killing him. Tuvok passes out and Suder calls Chakotay for help. Tuvok is cured and apologises to Janeway for calling her a bitch. She makes him promise to not meld with anymore murderers.

It's a great episode, which is a relief after the last one. It's the first proper VULCAN episode since the original series (actually there was 'Sarek' in TNG I'm wrong) and it's a classic Vulcan scenario. Tuvok is confronted with an illogical premise and goes to dangerous lengths to understand it. I like that he actually does help Suder (while driving himself crazy) and that it's Suder who talks him out of commiting murder in the end rather than one of the main characters. Brad Dourif is an excellent guest star and REALLY SHOULD HAVE been in more episodes. The best episode of the season yet.

SCORE: 9/10

 

[whisky]

Threshold made no sense, if you can hit warp ten but you turn into a lizard, but the doc can make you human again after then just use it, there is no downside.

Apart from the unwanted salamander babies.

 

[The Question]

Brad Dourif, also of note, was the voice of Chucky in the Child's Play franchise.

 

[Cassie]

Janeway and Paris have lizard children!

I love Tuvok.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Threshold made no sense, if you can hit warp ten but you turn into a lizard, but the doc can make you human again after then just use it, there is no downside.

Apart from the unwanted salamander babies.

Yeah I meant to mention that in my review. They could have all been home in seconds and all they'd have to do is let the Doctor hit them with anti-protons or whatever.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Dreadnought - Samantha Wildman is STILL PREGNANT and doesn't know what to name her baby (the Doctor hasn't picked a name for himself either.) Kes suggests her father's name. Voyager finds a ship destroyed by Cardassian weapon's fire and B'Elanna says she's responsible. She reprogrammed a Cardassian tactical missile back in the Alpha Quadrant and it just happened to be brought to the DQ by The Caretaker and Voyager just happened to come across it. It's a super advanced missile with its own AI and why didn't they use them in the Dominion War? Tom Paris shows up late for the meeting and scruffy and gets told off by Chakotay. B'Elanna admits to Tom that she sent the dreadnought missile against the Cardies without asking Chakotay for permission and she naturally feels responsible for what it's doing now. Torres asks Tom what's gong on with him and he admits he's been having a hard time fitting in lately and getting into fights and stuff. Voyager tracks down dreadnought and finds it's targetting a heavily populated planet. Jonas once again asks to speak to Seska but the Kazon won't let him (they really should have revealed that Jonas was hot for Seska and wanked over her a lot when they were in the Maquis together.) Janeway speaks to the planet's prime minister, who is suspicious of her because of the Kazon spreading lies. Torres beams over to dreadnought (despite being a missile it has articial galaxy and is big enough to walk around in, but I guess it's a ship with multiple weapons really) and finds it has mistaken the alien planet for its Cardassian target. The missile speaks with her voice because she reprogrammed it so you've got Roxanne Dawson talking to herself here. She pretty easily shuts the missile down but later it flies off on its own, targetting the planet again. Voyager tries to shoot it down now but dreadnought tells them to stand down. It could tell B'Elanna was trying to fool it and accuses her of being part of the "Delta Quadrant Deception." Surely it should be able to look at the stars and tell where it is?

B'Elanna comes up with an idea to stop it but dreadnought is too smart and damages them. The planet's head trusts Janeway now but she knows their fleet won't be able to stop dreadnought. B'Elanna is angry with herself for not being able to stop the missile. She beams over to it again but dreadnought keeps shocking her when she tries to access its systems. The alien fleet attacks the missile with B'Elanna still onboard. Fortunately Voyager does something that stops anything getting killed. B'Elanna tries to use logic to defeat dreadnought but it concludes she's cooperating with a Cardassian/Federation alliance. The head of the planet continues to be impressed with Janeway (I think he's hot for her.) Janeway begins Voyager's self destruct sequence to destroy dreadnought. B'Elanna gets the original Cardassian AI running on dreadnought again. The two AIs start talking over each other. Janeway orders everyone off Voyager and pilots it herself to complete the mission. Tom thanks her for everything. Tuvok stays behind because it's logical to have a back-up (coward Chakotay doesn't stay.) Dreadnought cuts its life support as B'Elanna is trying to deactivate it. B'Elanna stops dreadnought just in time and Janeway doesn't have to blow up the ship. And that's the end of the episode.

This is an episode I remembered being good and, umm, I as wrong, I guess? I mean it's not bad. It's fine. I like B'Elanna. Roxanne does good work here, with voicing the missile too. But it's pretty dull? There isn't actually much character work for Torres. She feels bad about the missile. Then stops the missile. That's it. It's mostly just her openng panels and talking and stuff. It's not the type of episode I enjoy watching now.

SCORE: 5.5/10

 

[CaptainWacky]

Death Wish - Voyager finds a strange comet. There's a man inside wearing a Starfleet uniform and claiming to be Q (but it's not!) He does some of the usual Q tricks and tells Kes he envies her for only living nine years because all he wants to do is die. Janeway thinks it's the Enterprise Q and he quickly starts to state his last words. When he tries to kill himself he accidentally makes all the men on the ship disappear. He can't get them back because his powers are rusty but the John de Lancie Q shows up. He thought Riker would get command of Voyager! He makes all the men come back. The suicidal Q requests aslyum and takes Voyager back in time to the Big Bang to flee regular Q (he quickly shows up.) Next SQ hides them amongst sub-atomic particles. Then he hides them in a Christmas tree bauble (probably a Generations reference?) Janeway is sick of their crap and gets them to agree to a trial where she will serve as the judge. Q does some sexist flirting with her. SQ wants Tuvok to represent him at the trial as Vulcans believe in suicide (for the infirm.) Q explains that SQ was locked up in the comet by the Continuum to stop him from harming himself. Q calls himself as an expert witness at the trial. Witness Q argues that SQ is mentally imbalanced because he wants to kill himself so it would be wrong to let a mentally disturbed person kill himself. Tuvok argues that suicide is acceptable in many cultures and can't be used as an example of mental illness. He brings up that the Continuum have executed other Qs for crimes in the past (hi Amanda Rogers, your parents are still dead!) Q says it's all about social order versus anarchy and you can't just let anyone kill themself. Tuvok points out that Q himself has been previously ruled as mentally imbalanced by the Continuum. Q wants to call people who have had their lives influenced by SQ as witnesses and does so...including RIKER. His memory will be wiped after. There's also a hippy named Maury Ginsberg (confusingly played by an actor with the same name, which made me think he must be playing a relative or something...but as far as I can tell he isn't?) and Isaac Newton. SQ shook the tree that dropped an apple on Newton's head and helped Ginsberg get to Woodstock (where he spotted a problem that allowed the concert to go ahead.) He also saved an ancestor of Riker's in a war and without that the Borg would have assimilated the Federation.

Tuvok asks to show Janeway the conditions in which SQ has been forced to live for the last three hundred years. They're not very pleasant. Janeway's been doing a lot of thinking about suicide and reading many cultural viewpoints. She wants SQ to show he's suffering in any way other than the manner of his prison. Tuvok suggests to SQ that they should take the hearing to see what life is like in the Continuum. Janeway makes a proposal to Q: let SQ return to the Continuum and not have to spend eternity in a comet. Q can't do it but does offer to take Voyager home of Janeway rules in his favour. He shows her Earth out the window. It's a bit cruel! The hearing takes a trip to an appropriate representation of the Continuum. It's a road in a desert with one lonely house on it where people play pinball and croquet with planets and never talk. The road takes them to the rest of the universe but always leads back home. SQ points out that he's done everything, even been the scarecrow (Q: "Everyone's done the scarecrow, big deal!") Nothing ever changes, nobody speaks because everything's already been said. SQ brings up the irony of Q arguing for the Continuum when Q was a huge rebel who was once turned mortal for his crime (in the popular tv show Star Trek: The Next Generation.) SQ says he was inspired by Q, which kind of feels like an error since he was locked up in the comet while Q was rebelling? But I guess time doesn't have to be linear for the Q. SQ makes a passionate arguement about immortality being the disease he suffers from and even Q himself appears moved. Janeway appears in Janeway's bed as she sleeps and this feels a lot more creepy than when he did it with Picard. He says the Continuum have agreed that SQ won't go back to his comet cell and she can argue in his favour now and he can let them home to Earth. He keeps hitting on her and I'm not sure if he's just messing with her or if it's supposed to be real. Janeway rules that SQ isn't mentally imbalanced and shouldn't have immortality forced on him, ruling in his favour. He's granted asylum on Voyager and turned into a mortal. Janeway pleads with SQ to enjoy a mortal life before killing himself. He gives himself the name Quinn (would have been nice if I'd remembered that at the start and not typed "SQ" all this time) and pretty much instantly kills himself. With his dying words Quinn tells Janeway he never would have fit in and his death is his final gift to his people. Tuvok wonders where he got the fatal poison from. Q shows up and reveals he assisted the suicide as Quinn reminded him of how he used to be and he hopes to live up to Quinn's example now.

Okay, this is definitely the best episode yet. It's classic Star Trek and actually the best Q episode in a long time (okay 'All Good Things...' was better but that shouldn't count!) I ike how Q isn't a joke here and is himself won over by Quinn's argument as Janeway is. That's why I'm slightly annoyed by the stuff with him hitting on Janeway. It feels a bit out of place and silly? And I can't tell why he's doing. Still this is a great episode and even has Riker in it!

SCORE: 9.5/10

 

[CaptainWacky]

Lifesigns - Paris shows up late and scruffy, telling a story about delivering Wildman's baby (it's a lie!) Voyager finds a dying Vidiian woman in space and beams her to Sickbay. The woman has an implant in her brain that somehow allows the Doctor to upload her consciousness into a holographic body. Chakotay tells Janeway he's concerned about Paris. The woman (Dinara) wakes up and starts crying because she looks like herself (healthy) for the first time in years. Dinara is a doctor herself so it's okay to like her. The Doctor wants to use part of B'Elanna's brain to help Dinara but Torres isn't happy about the idea of helping a Vidiian after what they did to her (continuity!) The Doctor yells at her but Dinara understands B'Elanna's point of view and says she wouldn't want to hurt someone else to live. B'Elanna agrees to give up part of her brain. Dinara and the Doctor geek out over each other's medical knowledge. Dinara wants to see the rest of the ship but can only visit Tom's boring bar program. Neelix and a pervy hologram try to hit on Dinara. She wants to know more about the Doctor but he can only tell her of all the illnesses he's cured (but also makes her laugh.) The Doctor tells her he isn't programmed to dance as they watch some dancing holograms. She gives him a name (which I can't spell but he's not going to keep it anyway), the same name as her favourite uncle. The Doctor wants to deactive her program so her brain doesn't run out or whatever and there's an awkward moment where they nearly kiss before she goes to sleep. Chakotay takes the soft approach with Tom, asking if something's bothering him. Paris says his problem is with Chakotay and goes on a big rant in front of everyone in the Mess Hall.

Jonas tells his Kazon contact what happened. The Kazon wants Jonas to cause an accident on Voyager but Jonas isn't ready to go that far without talking to his beloved Seska. The Doctor thinks something is wrong with his program as he's suffering lack of attention. Kes suggests it's because he's attracted to Dinara. The Doctor doesn't want it to be true as he feels like he's losing control. Kes suggests the solution is him telling Dinara how he feels. The Doctor casually tells Dinara he's attracted to her and asks her if she feels the same way while they're working on her brain together. Dinara is weirded out and wants to keep things professional. The Doctor goes to Tom for romantic advice as he thinks Paris is likely to have a lot of experience being rejected by women. Kes asks Dinara why she didn't tell the Doctor she likes him when she obviously does. Dinara doesn't understand why the Doctor would be attracted to her. Kes tells her to take a fucking compliment (she doesn't say that.) Paris tells the Doctor to take Dinara on a date. The Doctor takes Dinara to Holodeck Mars in a car. The Doc reveals he's downloaded a dancing subroutine but she just wants to sit and look at the stars. They end up kissing (wait, that was in his program but dancing wasn't?) Paris shows up late again and Chakotay tells him he's not needed. Chakotay tries to escort him off the Bridge but Tom lightly pushes him. Chakotay dives to the floor (seriously there's no way that shove would have knocked him over.) Janeway orders Tuvok to take Tom to the Brig. Seska finally talks directly to Jonas. He says he does't want to damage Voyager but is pretty easily talked around (he probably finds her even hotter now she's a Cardassian the sick fuck.) Dinara's brain rejects the graft. At first the Doc thinks Kes did something wrong but Dinara admits that she gave her body a deadly does of medicine that would kill it. She doesn't want to go back to her real body even though it will mean her death. She tries to explain to the Doctor how horrible it is being a Vidiian and how the suffering never ends. Before she was just a disease but now she's a woman. The Doctor tells her he will still love her even in her old body. He tells her that he was just a Doctor before he met her and now he's alive. They'll still have four weeks before she has to go home (so this episode covers another month that Wildman isn't giving birth in!) Back in her Phage ridden body, Dinara meets the Doctor in the Holodeck and they dance.

It's a really good episode with great performances and chemistry between Robert Picardo and guest star Susan Diol. I like how the story isn't just about her being able to be free of illness for the first time but also about the Doctor's program growing and him realising he's capable of more. The Paris stuff is a bit weak but doesn't take up too much time. MORE LIKE THIS PLEASE.

SCORE: 9/10


Investigations - Neelix has begun broadcasting a news show named 'A Briefing With Neelx' to the ship. It's as annoying as you'd think. Neelix tells the Doctor he wants him on his show and appeals to the Doc's ego to win him over. Harry tells Neelix his show is shit and he needs to do some serious investigative journalism to keep his viewers. An old friend of Neelix's contacts him and tells him a member of Voyager's crew is leaving to join a Talaxian convoy. Janeway and Tuvok tell Neelix that it's Tom who's leaving the ship after his recent problems. Neelix, practically crying, goes to see Tom. Paris tells Neelix he's just a cool loner and Voyager isn't the right place for him. Neelix gives him a hug and Tom looks confused and then returns it in a surprisingly nice bit. The Doc wants to appear on Neelix's show but there isn't time because Neelix is doing a special on how great Tom is. He makes a big speech while the whole crew watch on their little monitors (does no one have a proper big tv in the future?) Tom beams out after a final goodbye with Neelix, Kes and Harry (this is the first time we've seen Neelix and Kes together in AGES by the way. It's like the writers realised how creepy their relationship is and backed away from it.) Janeway tells Kim that Tom is never coming back so stop snivelling. Jonas tells Torres there's a problem with the warp core and Neelix decides to cover it for his fucking show. A console blows up and Jonas is burned. The Doctor shows off in front of Neelix while treating the injured crew in a mildly (at most) amusing bit. The Talaxians contact Janeway and reveal that Paris has been kidnapped by the Kazon. A heavily pregnant Seska (I guess Cardassian pregnancies are conveniently fast) talks to Tom. She wants him to give up information on Voager. She then leaves him alone in a room with an active computer terminal (seriously) and Tom easily downloads the identity of the traitor from it. Neelix wonders how the Kazon found Tom so fast. Who could have possibly told them!

Neelix does some investigating as a suspicious Jonas watches him. Neelix tells Jonas he wants to know how someone could send a secret transmission. Neelix really quickly spots gaps in the communications log (why the fuck didn't Tuvok notice this? You'd think he'd be looking for it.) Jonas is ready to murder Neelix but the Doctor interrupts to carry on that running joke about wanting on Neelix's show. Neelix takes the information to Tuvok, saying there's a spy onboard. Tuvok tells him he's wrong and to drop it OR ELSE. Neelix won't stop digging because he's a real journalist. Hogan tries to help Neelix recover the deleted logs but can't find them because whoever did it was clever (Jonas is standing watching looking shifty.) Neelix finds something and, instead of going to Tuvok, makes another stupid broadcast where he tells everyone that he's found that Tom was sending secret messages to the Kazon. Janeway and Tuvok finally reveal the truth to Chakotay and Neelix. Someone is trying to set Tom up. They know this because Tom is part of Janeway and Tuvok's secret plan to find the spy's identity. Paris being a dick and gambling and beating up Chakotay was all a ruse. Chakotay is mildly annoyed at first but gets over it pretty quickly (sigh.) Meanwhile Tom's still hacking Seska's computer and knows all her plans now. Seska comes back in but Tom's USB drive is also a bomb and he escapes. He easily reaches a Kazon shuttle and easily flies it away (despite presumably never flying one before.) Neelix goes back to Jonas and Hogan in that bit of Murder She Wrote where Jessica pretends she's found something important out to trick the guilty party. Tom comes flying back to Voyager in the Kazon shuttle with the Kazon chasing him. He hails Janeway but doesn't instantly tell her who the spy is. He finally sends a second message to let her know Jonas is the spy just as Jonas is doing something dodgy in Engineering. Despite plotting to trick Jonas, Neelix doesn't have a phaser or a security guard outside. Jonas tries to disable the weapons but Neelix hits him with a spanner. It's taking Tuvok forever to get to Engineering after Paris told him who the spy is. Neelix fucking throws Jonas off a walkway into a big green energy thing that disintergrates him. Neelix is a murderer. Neelix instantly makes a jokey remark to Tuvok despite just killing a man. Tom lamely apologises to everyone (especially Chakotay) for being a jerk as he's interview on Neelix's awful tv show.

It's not a great end to Voyager's big story arc. Tom acting the bad boy never completely rang true, but I'm not sure I like the whole thing being a trick. That means the conversation he had with B'Elanna about not fitting in back in 'Dreadnought' was all a lie and that was actually a fairly good scene. Worse though is that Janeway and Tuvok's plan makes little sense. It relies on the Kazon having to abduct Paris from the Talaxian convoy. Doesn't that put the Talaxians at great risk? Luckily none of the were killed but they easily could have been. It also relies on Tom being left alone in a room with an active computer terminal which is really dumb on Seska's part. Then Tom has to escape the Kazon ship which relies on the Kazon being crap...okay, Janeway could predict that part. Anyway ultimately it just makes for a completely average episode with Neelix being annoying.

SCORE: 5/10