There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest

[CaptainWacky]

What? Ya used me, Skinner. YA USED ME!

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

SEE THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!

 

[Dr Dave]

There should be one!

 

[CaptainWacky]

It would just involve me eating sausages until I fell over.

 

[Dr Dave]

That could be amusing.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Not if I fell down a bottomless pit.

 

[Dr Dave]

Well the first little bit of it could be, after a while it would just get boring.

 

[CaptainWacky]

It would have to have a bottom eventually, of course; bottomless pits are logically impossible.

 

[Dr Dave]

True dat.

 

[CaptainWacky]

However it would be possible to make a pit that loops around itself and so is essentially bottomless.

Something to think about this Scotchtoberfest.

 

[headvoid]

I always look forward to Scotchtoberfest, but it used to be so much better when I was younger.

Now there are Jet ski's and bright lights and Wifi everywhere it has lost it's charm I feel.

 

[CaptainWacky]

The Effing Tories strike again!

 

[headvoid]

I went a few years ago and was made to eat a "Scotch Egg" despite my protests about it being a North African derivation. I blame the internet.

 

[Dr Dave]

They tried to get me to toss things.

 

[headvoid]

How dare they! Did they make you toss small salty green things called capers?

I was made to wear the skin of Tammy Winette, which they claimed was a type of Scottish hat.

 

[CaptainWacky]

They made me pretend to be Rowdy Roddy Piper and I had to "wrestle" a naked, greased Groundskeeper Willie impersonator.

I was eight years old.

 

[headvoid]

You see? I suspect some of the organisers might not be truly Scottish. One of them admitted they were from Fife, which is not proper Scotland as everyone knows.

Someone from North London in the Masterchef tent made me eat "Deconstructed haggis" which appeared to be a picture of my miserable 1970's holidays on the Isle of Skye contained within a Sheep Stomach. I punched him right in his square glasses the TWAT.

 

[whisky]

Christ punchers

 

[Cassie]

I bought all this scotch tape for NOTHING

 

[CaptainWacky]

I wish "duct tape" really was named "duck tape".