Gagh
Χριστόφορος
May 1998 - June 1999: Major Rakal from the Decipher BBS and I were a clone online item. I liked her organisational skills, devout Christianity & attention to detail. It all came to an end when Conchaga came between us, but I have since forgiven him.
November 1999 - February 2001: A short, plain & frumpy housewife from the Oregon region of the United States of America. We posted at a knitwear & sex-aid BBS, and it all kick off from there. Whilst no physical contact was ever made, we were very much in love. It ended when I sent her a crochet needle and she never returned it.
October 2002 - May 2003: Realsherlock (LoNAF). Despite being a grotesquely overweight attention whore with a suicidal tendencies and a disgusting perversion to taking disturbing sexual pictures of herself, we hit it off from the offset. We never actually met, but the MSN chatlogs, phonecalls & e-mails were as close to a real thing as you could ever have. It all ended when she became Prime Minister of Holland.
October 2003 - January 2004
and April 2004 - May 2005: Captain Wacky & Mentalist. To this day, I have never told either man that I was seeing the other behind their backs. I've never partaken in an online relationship, or even a full relationship with a member of the same sex before this time, but the hours of MSNing, e-mail and the sort were as close to a real thing as you could ever have.
Wacky dumped me first when I failed to post in half a dozen of his threads over a 2 day period, and shortly afterward I dumped Mentalist for failing to declare his commitment to my vast ego.
July 2005: Jillian Bacardi. Despite the numerous MSN chatlogs, e-mails & phonecalls showing it was as close to a real thing as you could ever have, it was obvious we were never suited for each other. After 14 consecutive collapsed Internet court cases in a one week period, we gave up on each other. She now runs a convent in Milwaukee.
August 2005 - November 2005: Caitriona. Despite never being fully trustful of each other, or indeed aware that we were in a relationship at all, we gave it a good go. I still gaze fondly at the numerous MSN chatlogs, e-mails & phonecall transcripts between the two of us, that showed despite being an entirely fictional relationship, it was as close to a real thing as you could ever have.
Alas, it all ended when Shatna, a notorious Internet pimp won Caitriona's contract from me in a lingerie bout at WWE: Unforgiven 2005.
January 2006 - July 2006: It's still early doors, and quite painful to speak about, but Eggs Mayonnaise, Tomtrek and myself attempted to have a serious three-way relationship over this period. However Eggs disturbing cyber-jealously, and Tomtrek's annoying capacity for self-abuse with broken given-away-free-with-the-Sunday-newspapers-CDs was too much for me.
On my part I was guilty of ignoring both for too long in favour of staring wistfully at Photoshopped Arnold Schwarzenegger slash-fiction visual renditions, but I'd like to think that the many hours we spent on MSN, e-mail & the phone is a testament to just how close to a real thing as you could ever have it was between us.
November 1999 - February 2001: A short, plain & frumpy housewife from the Oregon region of the United States of America. We posted at a knitwear & sex-aid BBS, and it all kick off from there. Whilst no physical contact was ever made, we were very much in love. It ended when I sent her a crochet needle and she never returned it.
October 2002 - May 2003: Realsherlock (LoNAF). Despite being a grotesquely overweight attention whore with a suicidal tendencies and a disgusting perversion to taking disturbing sexual pictures of herself, we hit it off from the offset. We never actually met, but the MSN chatlogs, phonecalls & e-mails were as close to a real thing as you could ever have. It all ended when she became Prime Minister of Holland.
October 2003 - January 2004
and April 2004 - May 2005: Captain Wacky & Mentalist. To this day, I have never told either man that I was seeing the other behind their backs. I've never partaken in an online relationship, or even a full relationship with a member of the same sex before this time, but the hours of MSNing, e-mail and the sort were as close to a real thing as you could ever have.
Wacky dumped me first when I failed to post in half a dozen of his threads over a 2 day period, and shortly afterward I dumped Mentalist for failing to declare his commitment to my vast ego.
July 2005: Jillian Bacardi. Despite the numerous MSN chatlogs, e-mails & phonecalls showing it was as close to a real thing as you could ever have, it was obvious we were never suited for each other. After 14 consecutive collapsed Internet court cases in a one week period, we gave up on each other. She now runs a convent in Milwaukee.
August 2005 - November 2005: Caitriona. Despite never being fully trustful of each other, or indeed aware that we were in a relationship at all, we gave it a good go. I still gaze fondly at the numerous MSN chatlogs, e-mails & phonecall transcripts between the two of us, that showed despite being an entirely fictional relationship, it was as close to a real thing as you could ever have.
Alas, it all ended when Shatna, a notorious Internet pimp won Caitriona's contract from me in a lingerie bout at WWE: Unforgiven 2005.
January 2006 - July 2006: It's still early doors, and quite painful to speak about, but Eggs Mayonnaise, Tomtrek and myself attempted to have a serious three-way relationship over this period. However Eggs disturbing cyber-jealously, and Tomtrek's annoying capacity for self-abuse with broken given-away-free-with-the-Sunday-newspapers-CDs was too much for me.
On my part I was guilty of ignoring both for too long in favour of staring wistfully at Photoshopped Arnold Schwarzenegger slash-fiction visual renditions, but I'd like to think that the many hours we spent on MSN, e-mail & the phone is a testament to just how close to a real thing as you could ever have it was between us.
