jack
The Legendary Troll Kingdom
1. Like it or not, they groom you for a real relationship
2. They’re sympathetic
Before they try to solve the problem (as men tend to do), they acknowledge it. They say things like: “That must have hard for you seeing your friend get the promotion instead of you—how do you feel about it?” It may not seem like much, but a world without women’s compassion and understanding would be a pretty cold place.
3. They’re extraordinary ego-boosters
If it seems as though women are forever fishing for compliments, it’s because they’re nice to hear, especially when they’re sincere. That’s why they dole them out—about how handsome you look in that suit, how awesome you are at air hockey, how mind-blowing you are in bed, et cetera.
4. They’re soft
Soft hair, soft lips, soft skin, really soft vagina and so forth. All in all, it’s a pretty fuckable package.
5. They keep your social life hopping
Before there were cell phones, there were women. They organize, they schedule, they remember. Admit it—you get out a whole lot more and have a more interesting life when you’re fucking someone who wants to do something besides sit home and watch TV all the time.
6. They listen
The stereotype of woman as chatterbox is unfair. OK, scratch that—they do love to talk. But not in a vacuum. That’s why theyre always urging you to talk; they believe in communication and that means they want to listen, too. Go ahead, open up—tell them what you were like as a little kid and how you plan to save the world.
7. They have a civilizing influence
Yes, you probably could survive in a crib spartaned with nothing but a TV, a pakced bowl and a six-pack in the fridge. But once a woman enters the picture, prepare to see some improvements even if you’re not living together yet. Due to their nest-feathering instincts, they strategically place pillows, search for thick, absorbent bath towels, and not only use sheets but change them regularly. Ahhhh!
8. They inspire you to shoot for gold
Think it’s an accident the Muses were all women? Somebody’s got to encourage your next troll, psyche you up before that job interview, and root for your stupid Mets. They do it because they recognize your potential and know you can achieve your goals. And they want to cheer you on and then have you fuck them silly when you get hawt over what you've accomplished.
9. They make worthy opponents
Yeah, yeah, they’re soft and sweet most of the time. But engage them in battle, and they will tear your fucking head off. So be thankful — be very, very thankful — that they like you right now.
10. If you want a blow job someday, they’re usually willing to give one.
And the dishes. And the laundry. And the cooking and cleaning, and often the bigger paycheck. You’re welcome.
2. They’re sympathetic
Before they try to solve the problem (as men tend to do), they acknowledge it. They say things like: “That must have hard for you seeing your friend get the promotion instead of you—how do you feel about it?” It may not seem like much, but a world without women’s compassion and understanding would be a pretty cold place.
3. They’re extraordinary ego-boosters
If it seems as though women are forever fishing for compliments, it’s because they’re nice to hear, especially when they’re sincere. That’s why they dole them out—about how handsome you look in that suit, how awesome you are at air hockey, how mind-blowing you are in bed, et cetera.
4. They’re soft
Soft hair, soft lips, soft skin, really soft vagina and so forth. All in all, it’s a pretty fuckable package.
5. They keep your social life hopping
Before there were cell phones, there were women. They organize, they schedule, they remember. Admit it—you get out a whole lot more and have a more interesting life when you’re fucking someone who wants to do something besides sit home and watch TV all the time.
6. They listen
The stereotype of woman as chatterbox is unfair. OK, scratch that—they do love to talk. But not in a vacuum. That’s why theyre always urging you to talk; they believe in communication and that means they want to listen, too. Go ahead, open up—tell them what you were like as a little kid and how you plan to save the world.
7. They have a civilizing influence
Yes, you probably could survive in a crib spartaned with nothing but a TV, a pakced bowl and a six-pack in the fridge. But once a woman enters the picture, prepare to see some improvements even if you’re not living together yet. Due to their nest-feathering instincts, they strategically place pillows, search for thick, absorbent bath towels, and not only use sheets but change them regularly. Ahhhh!
8. They inspire you to shoot for gold
Think it’s an accident the Muses were all women? Somebody’s got to encourage your next troll, psyche you up before that job interview, and root for your stupid Mets. They do it because they recognize your potential and know you can achieve your goals. And they want to cheer you on and then have you fuck them silly when you get hawt over what you've accomplished.
9. They make worthy opponents
Yeah, yeah, they’re soft and sweet most of the time. But engage them in battle, and they will tear your fucking head off. So be thankful — be very, very thankful — that they like you right now.
10. If you want a blow job someday, they’re usually willing to give one.
And the dishes. And the laundry. And the cooking and cleaning, and often the bigger paycheck. You’re welcome.
