About "New Age" anything

The Question

Eternal
Alright.... I think I've figured out the process to becoming a New Age writer.

You spend...

2 hours: Doing surface-level readings of Jewish and Hindu mysticism.

2 hours: Doing surface-level readings of Celtic, African, and Native American mythologies.

40 minutes: Hitting your head on the toilet while shouting "Numby Pumby Fun!"

20 minutes: Doing surface-level readings of quantum mechanics.

16 hours: Smoking weed while repeatedly listening to "Wild Child" by Enya.

8 hours: Drunkenly hitting on female cops after mistaking them for prostitutes.

4 hours: Drunkenly hitting on male cops after mistaking them for prostitutes.

7 hours: Going through "Star Trek: Voyager Technobabble Compilation" videos on YouTube.

26 hours: Watching Bajoran Prophet-themed episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

26 hours: Watching Ascension-themed episodes of Stargate SG-1.

18 hours: Repeatedly watching the Mortis Arc of Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

6 hours: Repeatedly watching the final two episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

4 hours: Repeatedly watching the Ed, Edd, n' Eddy episode "1 + 1 = Ed".

4 hours: Walking up to random people on the street and asking them "What you goin' do wit' dat pimpin'?".

45 minutes: Smoking weed and making armpit noises in front of an elementary school.

15 minutes: Running around said elementary school's playground while holding your arms out and making airplane noises.

19 hours: Trying to get high by smoking random things you found in the dumpster.

72 hours: Reading Tumblr posts where the authors of said posts scream about how "their gender is their superpower".

2 hours: Trying to achieve a higher state of consciousness by attempting to lick your own elbow.

10 hours: Getting high and wandering around a Furry convention, asking the people there for White Castle burgers.

14 hours: Giving yourself brain freezes by trying to get to third base with a convenience store slushie machine.

Did I miss anything?
Pretty sure that's the lot.
 

jack

The Legendary Troll Kingdom
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Charlemagne

Holy Roman Emperor
Bump. More bashing of New Age shit:
 
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