CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Curtain rises. A man is standing in the box knee-deep in a pool of custard.)
Man: I dreamed of killing myself last night.
(He stands in silence for twenty eight seconds until a plant in the audience shouts "Yeah? Well why didn't ya, ya bum!")
Man: It was only a dream.
(A witch walks unto stage.)
Witch: AHAAHAHAHAHA! Hubble, bubble, toil and trouble, married to Fred Flintstone, having an affair with Barney Rubble, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(The witch leaves. The man looks at his watch.)
Man: I wish I could get out of this cement. I have a dentist's appointment!
(The witch walks back out, without her hat on now.)
Witch: Has anyone seen my twin sister?
Man: She said something about Fred Flintstone then turned out a goose.
Witch: That's my crazy sister!
(The witch leaves.)
Man: Hehe, she didn't really turn into a goose. That was just a little joke. I'm so lonely.
Plant: GET OUT OF THE CUSTARD THEN.
Man: This custard represents cement!
Plant: Hey, that's not your line!
Man: The director gave us all different lines to make the play seem more "real".
Plant: That's stupid!
(The plant gets up and walks away. The man shrugs, and stands up effortlessly, climbing out of the custard.)
Man: Yes, it is a bit.
(The witch comes back, her face now blacked-up for some reason.)
Witch: Hey mon, I am a black witch from the West Indies mon! I like saxophones!
Man: Who doesn't!
(The man pulls a saxophone out of the custard and starts playing it, badly. The witch wipes her face clean.)
Witch: AHAHAHAHAHAHA, I can play jokes too!
(The man pulls out a gun and shoots the witch in the face.)
Man: I lied about my dream. I actually dreamed of killing YOU.
(The plant walks back in.)
Plant: NOW I see the genius of our great director!
Man: That's right, the director is YOU, everyone who came to see our play tonight! YOU are the stars!
(He starts firing at random audience members then turns the gun on himself. Note, he really does this. He really does kill people, and himself.)
Plant: Oy vey!
FIN
Man: I dreamed of killing myself last night.
(He stands in silence for twenty eight seconds until a plant in the audience shouts "Yeah? Well why didn't ya, ya bum!")
Man: It was only a dream.
(A witch walks unto stage.)
Witch: AHAAHAHAHAHA! Hubble, bubble, toil and trouble, married to Fred Flintstone, having an affair with Barney Rubble, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(The witch leaves. The man looks at his watch.)
Man: I wish I could get out of this cement. I have a dentist's appointment!
(The witch walks back out, without her hat on now.)
Witch: Has anyone seen my twin sister?
Man: She said something about Fred Flintstone then turned out a goose.
Witch: That's my crazy sister!
(The witch leaves.)
Man: Hehe, she didn't really turn into a goose. That was just a little joke. I'm so lonely.
Plant: GET OUT OF THE CUSTARD THEN.
Man: This custard represents cement!
Plant: Hey, that's not your line!
Man: The director gave us all different lines to make the play seem more "real".
Plant: That's stupid!
(The plant gets up and walks away. The man shrugs, and stands up effortlessly, climbing out of the custard.)
Man: Yes, it is a bit.
(The witch comes back, her face now blacked-up for some reason.)
Witch: Hey mon, I am a black witch from the West Indies mon! I like saxophones!
Man: Who doesn't!
(The man pulls a saxophone out of the custard and starts playing it, badly. The witch wipes her face clean.)
Witch: AHAHAHAHAHAHA, I can play jokes too!
(The man pulls out a gun and shoots the witch in the face.)
Man: I lied about my dream. I actually dreamed of killing YOU.
(The plant walks back in.)
Plant: NOW I see the genius of our great director!
Man: That's right, the director is YOU, everyone who came to see our play tonight! YOU are the stars!
(He starts firing at random audience members then turns the gun on himself. Note, he really does this. He really does kill people, and himself.)
Plant: Oy vey!
FIN
