APOLOGY TO THE U.S.A. FROM CANADA

[SaintLucifer]

A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

For 22 minutes, I'm Anthony St. George, and I'm sorry.

Origins: Comedian Rick Mercer is well known to most Canadians as one of the original stars of "This Hour Has 22 Minutes," a satirical news program aired by CBC television. Among the program's highlights were Mercer's editorial rants and his "Talking to Americans" feature, in which he skewered American pretensions by posing questions about Canadian politics and geography to folks from the U.S. to reveal how little Americans really know about their northern neighbors. Mercer also made U.S. news in February 2000 when he intercepted Texas Governor George W. Bush on the presidential campaign trail in Michigan and asked the Governor to comment on his endorsement by Canadian Prime Minister "Jean Poutine." Governor Bush responded that he was honored by the endorsement, apparently not recognizing "poutine" as the name of a French-Canadian concoction of french fries, gravy, and cheese curds. (Canada's Prime Minister is Jean Chretien.)

 

[SaintLucifer]

It is etched in stone!! The U.S.A. is a collection of complete MORONS! I just saw the C.B.C. Show - This Hour Has 22 Minutes which proves this to be true! Seems Rick Mercer visited the U.S.A. pretending to be a legitimate journalist from Canada who goes around asking serious questions of our neighbours to the south. Here are a few gems:

Talking to Americans

Talking To Americans was a regular feature presented by Rick Mercer on the Canadian political satire show This Hour Has 22 Minutes. It was later spun off into a one-hour special that aired on April 1, 2001 on CBC Television.

It consisted of interviewing Americans on the street and convincing them to agree with ridiculous statements about its northern neighbour. The intent was to satirise perceived American ignorance of Canada. Examples included:

* persuading Americans to congratulate Canada on legalizing VCRs or adopting the twenty-four-hour day,
* various political controversies involving one or more Canadian states,
* congratulating the Canadian government on building a dome over its "national igloo" (apparently a downsized version of the United States Capitol made out of ice) to protect it from global warming,
* agreeing that the U.S. should bomb Saskatchewan or send ground troops into Gilles Duceppe,
* proposing the idea that a Canadian company actually had the mining rights to Mount Rushmore,
* congratulating Canada for officially joining North America,
* controversy around the reconstruction of the historic "Peter Mann's Bridge", named after "Prime Minister Peter Mann" (actually a pun on the name of Canadian journalist Peter Mansbridge),
* asking if Jean Chrétien-Pinochet should be charged with crimes against humanity,
* asking Harvard students and professors to sign a petition asking Canadians to discontinue the practice of abandoning the elderly on ice floes,
* congratulating Prime Minister Tim Horton on getting a double-double (a coffee with two creams and two sugars or, according to Mercer, 'support on both sides of Congress'),
* the coronation of Svend Robinson as King Svend I,
* wishing Canadians a "Happy Stockwell Day"

In fact, some of the Americans interviewed seemed just to be playing along, although professors at distinguished American universities always seemed to be taken in by absurdities like the Saskatchewan seal hunt. The only Americans who were shown outsmarting Mercer were a university student who spends her time laughing at him, and a small child who pointed out to his mother that Canada has provinces, not states.

The most famous segment, aired in 2000, featured Mercer asking then-presidential candidate George W. Bush – who had previously stated that "you can't stump me on world leaders" – for his reaction to an endorsement by Canadian Prime Minister "Jean Poutine", as well as to report the "traditional visit to the US" of the "King of Canada", Lucien Bonhomme.

Bush said he looked forward to working together with his future counterpart to the north, praised his support of free trade, and looked forward to the King's visit. That said, Bush never actually used the name of Poutine and only failed to correct Mercer on the name. A few years later when Bush made his first official visit to Canada, he said during a speech, "There's a prominent citizen who endorsed me in the 2000 election, and I wanted a chance to finally thank him for that endorsement. I was hoping to meet Jean Poutine."

The special was a co-production between Island Edge Inc and Salter Street Films. It made news on both sides of the border.

Although the show received Gemini Award nominations, Rick Mercer thought it would be inappropriate to make fun of American-Canadian relations so close to the events of September 11, 2001 and requested that the Academy of Canadian Cinema and Television pull the nominations.

Spoiler

DUMB FUCKING AMERICANS

 

[Tyrant]

Fascinating.