CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Billy, the Asperger's Boy, leaves his house.)
Billy: I am going to meet my friend Jimmy who also has Asperger's. We are going to hang out. I have to announce what I'm going to do whenever I leave the house in case aliens are listening. I know that aliens aren't listening, but I still have to do it. I also have to provide this explanation.
(He walks to the canal, at a steady, robotic pace. Jimmy is sitting on the ground, a crazed look on his face. There is a strange green ooze on the ground.)
Billy: Hello Jimmy. I am here for our friendship session.
Jimmy: HAHA, piss in your eye, fucknose!
Billy: I don't want to. And I don't understand why you are laughing or why you called me a rude word.
Jimmy: Oh, you don't understand, do you, ASSBURGERS boy? HAHAHA!
Billy: I don't understand why you would use the common, unfunny insult "assburger" either, no.
Jimmy: FUCK YOU, NOSECUNT, JA JA JA!
Billy: I also do not understand why you are using rude word. It is against your personal code of conduct, as you have explained to me many times.
Jimmy: Fuck the code, fuck you and fuck your mum, bitchfuck!
(Jimmy scoops up some of the ooze and drinks it.)
Billy: Jimmy be careful with that ooze, it looks filthy.
Jimmy: Not as filthy as your mom's panties, HAHAHA!
Billy: Please stop saying things like that. Why are you drinking the ooze?
Jimmy: Don't you see, fucktard? Can't your fucktarded eyes see or won't your rape-addled brain let them? It's the cure. THE CURE FOR ASPERGER'S!
Billy: I find that hard to believe.
Jimmy: I was sitting here, waiting for your miserable ass, waiting to begin our weekly friendship session of gayness, when I saw this ooze and I thought "maybe if I drink some of that shit I'll be cured!" And I was! No more fucking autism, no more personal code of conduct! No rules, FREEDOM! Now I'm going to get me a girlfriend!
Billy: Jimmy, I'm worried about you.
Jimmy: Fuck you! I don't not care what you think!
Billy: Thats's a double negative and not even a common one.
Jimmy: I could care less!
Billy: Ah, so you do care then.
Jimmy: Either drink the ooze or get out of my face!
Billy: It could poison you.
Jimmy: I'm fine, dickstain...I mean, my stomach hurts a bit...
Billy: We need to get your stomach pumped.
Jimmy: NO! I'M NOT GOING BACK!
Billy: But I thought you felt mild enjoyment after our sessions, as I do?
Jimmy: PISS IN YOUR ASS!
Billy: I thought you like counting the swans and talking about Star Trek: The Next Generation, three episodes on average every week. We were up to Brothers in season four. One of my favourite episodes.
Jimmy: Urgh, I feel sick...must be you sickening me...
Billy: I thought we were as brothers.
Jimmy: I feel bad...I think it's burning through my stomach...oh God, I'm dying.
Billy: No. You can't. My mother will die one day. She is old. I can't be alone. I need you.
Jimmy: IT HURTS!!!
Billy: I don't want to be alone.
Jimmy: PHONE AN AMBULANCE!
Billy: But you know I hate using the phone. My mother or you has to phone for me. And what happens when you both die? Will I never have the use of the phone again?
Jimmy: Help meeeee...
(He collapses in Billy's arms.)
Billy: I am sad. You should not have drank the ooze.
(A single tear rolls down Billy's face.)
Jimmy: I'm not dead you idiot, but it hurts like fuck!
Billy: Oh, right. I'll ask my mother to call. Be back soon.
Jimmy: Hurtsssss...
(Billy gets up.)
Billy: I wonder what the aliens would make of that.
FIN
Billy: I am going to meet my friend Jimmy who also has Asperger's. We are going to hang out. I have to announce what I'm going to do whenever I leave the house in case aliens are listening. I know that aliens aren't listening, but I still have to do it. I also have to provide this explanation.
(He walks to the canal, at a steady, robotic pace. Jimmy is sitting on the ground, a crazed look on his face. There is a strange green ooze on the ground.)
Billy: Hello Jimmy. I am here for our friendship session.
Jimmy: HAHA, piss in your eye, fucknose!
Billy: I don't want to. And I don't understand why you are laughing or why you called me a rude word.
Jimmy: Oh, you don't understand, do you, ASSBURGERS boy? HAHAHA!
Billy: I don't understand why you would use the common, unfunny insult "assburger" either, no.
Jimmy: FUCK YOU, NOSECUNT, JA JA JA!
Billy: I also do not understand why you are using rude word. It is against your personal code of conduct, as you have explained to me many times.
Jimmy: Fuck the code, fuck you and fuck your mum, bitchfuck!
(Jimmy scoops up some of the ooze and drinks it.)
Billy: Jimmy be careful with that ooze, it looks filthy.
Jimmy: Not as filthy as your mom's panties, HAHAHA!
Billy: Please stop saying things like that. Why are you drinking the ooze?
Jimmy: Don't you see, fucktard? Can't your fucktarded eyes see or won't your rape-addled brain let them? It's the cure. THE CURE FOR ASPERGER'S!
Billy: I find that hard to believe.
Jimmy: I was sitting here, waiting for your miserable ass, waiting to begin our weekly friendship session of gayness, when I saw this ooze and I thought "maybe if I drink some of that shit I'll be cured!" And I was! No more fucking autism, no more personal code of conduct! No rules, FREEDOM! Now I'm going to get me a girlfriend!
Billy: Jimmy, I'm worried about you.
Jimmy: Fuck you! I don't not care what you think!
Billy: Thats's a double negative and not even a common one.
Jimmy: I could care less!
Billy: Ah, so you do care then.
Jimmy: Either drink the ooze or get out of my face!
Billy: It could poison you.
Jimmy: I'm fine, dickstain...I mean, my stomach hurts a bit...
Billy: We need to get your stomach pumped.
Jimmy: NO! I'M NOT GOING BACK!
Billy: But I thought you felt mild enjoyment after our sessions, as I do?
Jimmy: PISS IN YOUR ASS!
Billy: I thought you like counting the swans and talking about Star Trek: The Next Generation, three episodes on average every week. We were up to Brothers in season four. One of my favourite episodes.
Jimmy: Urgh, I feel sick...must be you sickening me...
Billy: I thought we were as brothers.
Jimmy: I feel bad...I think it's burning through my stomach...oh God, I'm dying.
Billy: No. You can't. My mother will die one day. She is old. I can't be alone. I need you.
Jimmy: IT HURTS!!!
Billy: I don't want to be alone.
Jimmy: PHONE AN AMBULANCE!
Billy: But you know I hate using the phone. My mother or you has to phone for me. And what happens when you both die? Will I never have the use of the phone again?
Jimmy: Help meeeee...
(He collapses in Billy's arms.)
Billy: I am sad. You should not have drank the ooze.
(A single tear rolls down Billy's face.)
Jimmy: I'm not dead you idiot, but it hurts like fuck!
Billy: Oh, right. I'll ask my mother to call. Be back soon.
Jimmy: Hurtsssss...
(Billy gets up.)
Billy: I wonder what the aliens would make of that.
FIN
