Big Dick McGee
If you don't know, now ya know
After seeing Batman V Superman on Friday night, I imagine the meeting with Zack Snyder went something like this:
Studio Exec: Zack, great to see you, we’re super excited to have you direct Batman V Superman. With two iconic heroes, there will be twice the action and adventure!
Zack Snyder: No.
SE: N-no?
ZS: Nope. I want to do something different.
SE: Different? With our tentpole franchise? The film that’s supposed to kick off another half-dozen films?
ZS: Yup. You’ve seen “Unbreakable”, right? ‘Course you have. OK, I’m going to pace it like Unbreakable, only slower.
SE: Slower? Than Unbreakable? Ummm..
ZS: Yeah, man, people are tired of these super-hero epics that are non-stop action. They want to see what goes on in these heroes’ day-to-day lives. I know for a fact that the audience is thinking, “I wonder what Bruce Wayne does when he first wakes up in the morning next to some random chick”, or “I bet Clark cooking dinner is really more interesting than him flying around as Superman”. We need to see Alfred fixing the Batmobile, stuff like that.
SE: Ok, but we’ll have Batman throughout the movie, right? I mean, he’s the first name in the title.
ZS: No, I’m going to tease the audience, show him very briefly in the first 90 minutes and save all of his stuff for the last 40 minutes or so.
SE: But…his name is first in the title…
ZS: Don’t worry, I’ll still have lots of stuff blowing up in slo-mo to fill the gaps between plot exposition. Leaving Batman to the end will pay off much bigger.
SE: Ok, so he’ll be fighting alongside Superman and Wonder Woman, going toe-to-toe with Doomsday! The DC Holy Trinity!
ZS: No. He’ll mostly be on the sidelines, watching.
SE: Ok, umm, well then…since this is our first real look at Lex Luthor, we’ll get a real look into his psyche, into his evil genius, right? He’s Superman’s greatest villain, are you thinking someone just as intimidating, like maybe Tom Hardy as Lex? Or perhaps even Kevin Spacey as sort of a do-over for “Superman Returns”?
ZS: No, it’s Jesse Eisenberg or no one.
SE: The Zuckerberg guy? Ok, I can see it, he’s really talented, he can play Lex really cool and almost detached.
ZS: No, I’m gonna have him play Lex like he’s batshit crazy. Almost like he’s in another, way more interesting movie. Same with Wonder Woman, she’s gonna be so badass everyone will forget about Batman and Superman. Girl Power, and all that. Once they see this, the critics will have to apologize for the way they savaged “Sucker Punch”!!
SE: Listen, Zack. You know we love you, but this all sounds a little risky. I mean, this is supposed to generate 6-10 more films for us. You’re telling me that Batman and Superman are barely in it, they only fight briefly (even though VERSUS is in the title), there are a few cool action scenes that are stitched together by the barest of threads…
ZS: Wait until you hear about the dream sequences! I have a dream sequence within a dream sequence! Pretty highbrow stuff, eh? Eh?
SE: I…I…Um…
ZS: Look, you just have to trust me. I basically made up Man of Steel while I was shooting it, the film was a total piece of dog crap, but since it was a comic-book movie, it still grossed $668 million worldwide.
SE: Here’s a blank check, go for it.
Studio Exec: Zack, great to see you, we’re super excited to have you direct Batman V Superman. With two iconic heroes, there will be twice the action and adventure!
Zack Snyder: No.
SE: N-no?
ZS: Nope. I want to do something different.
SE: Different? With our tentpole franchise? The film that’s supposed to kick off another half-dozen films?
ZS: Yup. You’ve seen “Unbreakable”, right? ‘Course you have. OK, I’m going to pace it like Unbreakable, only slower.
SE: Slower? Than Unbreakable? Ummm..
ZS: Yeah, man, people are tired of these super-hero epics that are non-stop action. They want to see what goes on in these heroes’ day-to-day lives. I know for a fact that the audience is thinking, “I wonder what Bruce Wayne does when he first wakes up in the morning next to some random chick”, or “I bet Clark cooking dinner is really more interesting than him flying around as Superman”. We need to see Alfred fixing the Batmobile, stuff like that.
SE: Ok, but we’ll have Batman throughout the movie, right? I mean, he’s the first name in the title.
ZS: No, I’m going to tease the audience, show him very briefly in the first 90 minutes and save all of his stuff for the last 40 minutes or so.
SE: But…his name is first in the title…
ZS: Don’t worry, I’ll still have lots of stuff blowing up in slo-mo to fill the gaps between plot exposition. Leaving Batman to the end will pay off much bigger.
SE: Ok, so he’ll be fighting alongside Superman and Wonder Woman, going toe-to-toe with Doomsday! The DC Holy Trinity!
ZS: No. He’ll mostly be on the sidelines, watching.
SE: Ok, umm, well then…since this is our first real look at Lex Luthor, we’ll get a real look into his psyche, into his evil genius, right? He’s Superman’s greatest villain, are you thinking someone just as intimidating, like maybe Tom Hardy as Lex? Or perhaps even Kevin Spacey as sort of a do-over for “Superman Returns”?
ZS: No, it’s Jesse Eisenberg or no one.
SE: The Zuckerberg guy? Ok, I can see it, he’s really talented, he can play Lex really cool and almost detached.
ZS: No, I’m gonna have him play Lex like he’s batshit crazy. Almost like he’s in another, way more interesting movie. Same with Wonder Woman, she’s gonna be so badass everyone will forget about Batman and Superman. Girl Power, and all that. Once they see this, the critics will have to apologize for the way they savaged “Sucker Punch”!!
SE: Listen, Zack. You know we love you, but this all sounds a little risky. I mean, this is supposed to generate 6-10 more films for us. You’re telling me that Batman and Superman are barely in it, they only fight briefly (even though VERSUS is in the title), there are a few cool action scenes that are stitched together by the barest of threads…
ZS: Wait until you hear about the dream sequences! I have a dream sequence within a dream sequence! Pretty highbrow stuff, eh? Eh?
SE: I…I…Um…
ZS: Look, you just have to trust me. I basically made up Man of Steel while I was shooting it, the film was a total piece of dog crap, but since it was a comic-book movie, it still grossed $668 million worldwide.
SE: Here’s a blank check, go for it.
