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Being Non-PC in BDSM - No Safe-words

Sadistic Bastard

Sadistic Bastard

No Mercy
Ahhh yes, the little goth/emo girls who think they invented BDSM. I've run across a crop of them lately.
Of course, they have no clue. "Oh, I have a safe word, and NO one plays with me if they violate the safe-word".

There is a difference between a Bottom or Masochist, and a submissive/slave. In fact, they are almost polar opposites. I've had enough of masochists, thank you. But so many of these little girls don't understand the difference.

You should see their faces when I say, "Ahhh, little girl, I don't believe in Safe-words. If you deliver yourself into my hands, then you must trust me enough to simply do as you are ordered, accept what will happen to you, and react honestly. I shall do the rest. If you want Power Exchange, then that is what it really is."

Shock, horror. How DARE I actually be the Master of a situation rather than letting some little novice determine when she Feels she's had enough. I am now the "bad man". Some even go so far as to claim it's rape.

Hardly. I peruse no one. I tell them exactly what I am and what is expected of them. They are free to go. They are free to make the decision that this is not for them. They forget that D/s means that they submit...not pretend.

What I have eliminated is the "easy way". They actually have to get to know me, and I to know them, and they have to learn to trust me. It may take months or years, as opposed to 5 minutes. Of course, the young no longer have the attention span. They don't understand the reward of real submission is total freedom on their part to be the female creature that they are, free to react and submerge themselves in their passions, under the guiding hand and safety of the structure I provide. They have to take the time to learn of my ethics, and that without a safe-word I now have the responsibility...and that can be the whole point. They miss so much if they just want a smack on the ass and a orgasm and a story to tell their girlfriends the next day.

It is not a game. I am no longer politically correct in the BDSM world because the safe-word doesn't exist for me.

However, it is the difference between the dilettante, and the true Master.

-SB
 
Without a safe word, what would make me trust you not to go too far? What would make me think you're not in it to inflict some permanent, long lasting damage?
 
You didn't read the second half of my post very carefully.

Here is your (theoretical) decision: BEFORE you are tied up, spanked, teased, touched, nibbled, opened, used, cherished and spent, you need to figure out if you DO trust me. You need to communicate what 'too far' is. And then you need to figure out if you trust my experience and my ability to draw the rest of what 'too far' really is out of me. The interview process is exhaustive. I also have to say "yes" to the responsibility (and that's not a sure thing, no matter how pretty or enthusiastic you say you are).

If you do these things, you will know what I intend. But submission means I know your limits and edges, and you trust me to honor them...or if I don't, that I will keep you safe.

Some call that arrogant. Since I've been doing this for more than 20 years now, I prefer to look upon it as "experienced perception".

For one girl, a little rope and a nipple clamp can be devastating. For another, you have to bring out the branding iron and a bachelor party gang-bang to make an impression. It's my job to find that out. It's YOUR job to obey and react.

And trust that I will be there to catch you if you should fall...

-SB
 
The only safe word necessary is "no". Of course there is no point in playing with anybody who uses it carelessly. If someone uses it simply out of fear or pain, then that person shouldn't be playing those kinds of sex games anyways.

I agree with you, SB.
 
SB...

It sounds like you have made a career out of dominating women.

Have you ever had a sexual relationship based on equality? Have you had *any* relationship with a woman based on equality, or must you *always* have the upper hand?
 
If SB is running into too many of these girls, perhaps he should reconsider the company with which he chooses to associate himself.
 
(chuckle)

That's not the point of the thread, but I'll rise to your bait (although the answer will most probably disappoint you).

I have had lovers who have been "vanilla", no power games. I have had many friendships with women as well, and those have been "as equals". And "always" having the upper-hand, even in a Master/slave relationship is a ticket to boredom, exhaustion, and frustration. Who wants to dictate everything all of the time? Who has the energy?

I love artists, strong-willed, creative women of all kinds. I let them be what they are, encourage their creativity, and admire their ability and talent. But it is often just that sort of woman who looks for a man like me, who can take them out of their role and place them in a very feminine, submissive and safe place. There are many more of them out there than there are men with the ability to handle their needs, so my long-term sexual and emotional relationships are usually in the D/s vein. Call it "better than 95%" of them.

Remember that every leash has two ends...

-SB
 
YAY! Sadistic is back!!!

~looks about for a Cinch sighting~

I'm once again, friends with a new woman who's into a lot more than I've been exposed to, so I may need your advise again.
she's a quintuple Scorpio. Yikes! but intelligent and fun.
 
Sadistic Bastard said:
(chuckle)

That's not the point of the thread, but I'll rise to your bait (although the answer will most probably disappoint you).

I have had lovers who have been "vanilla", no power games. I have had many friendships with women as well, and those have been "as equals". And "always" having the upper-hand, even in a Master/slave relationship is a ticket to boredom, exhaustion, and frustration. Who wants to dictate everything all of the time? Who has the energy?

I love artists, strong-willed, creative women of all kinds. I let them be what they are, encourage their creativity, and admire their ability and talent. But it is often just that sort of woman who looks for a man like me, who can take them out of their role and place them in a very feminine, submissive and safe place. There are many more of them out there than there are men with the ability to handle their needs, so my long-term sexual and emotional relationships are usually in the D/s vein. Call it "better than 95%" of them.

Remember that every leash has two ends...

-SB
Click to expand...

Feeling safe with my partner is something I occasionally seek out, but I don't feel I need to be submissive to do it. Strange that some women think they need to give up one thing for another.

IIRC, you are married. I then assume you have an open marriage. More power to you, but I don't understand the ability to give away to others whet should be reserved for your spouse. Especially considering what you do is so emotionally intimate, which is even more sacred (to me) than sexual intimacy.
 
What a great thread. If SB is married that would be the assumption. I'm curious if the "girls" are married also, or if this is a cyber relationship(s) he's talking about.

I think BD is fun. I don't know about sadomasochism, because I dont think thats fun. If the two are related that would be by agreement, I suppose.
 
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