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BORED BORIS CONTENT

"Yes, cannabis is dangerous, but no more than other perfectly legal drugs. It's time for a rethink, and the Tory party - the funkiest, most jiving party on Earth - is where it's happening."
 
"Howard is a dynamic performer on many levels. There you are. He sent me to Liverpool. Marvellous place. Howard was the most effective Home Secretary since Peel. Hang on, was Peel Home Secretary?"
 
"Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3."
 
"I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed so it didn't go up my nose. In fact, it may have been icing sugar."
 
"The President is a cross-eyed Texan warmonger, unelected, inarticulate, who epitomises the arrogance of American foreign policy."
 
After Deayton's sacking, Boris was one of a number of people recruited to introduce the show, and during his first attempt at keeping order and mastering the autocue, he promised Paul Merton a coconut instead of a point. Boris then retracted the offer but Merton insisted on having a coconut. At the end of the show, a stage hand rushed in with a bag of them, giving Boris a chance to say, "Coconuts, from the party that keeps its promises!" He also said that the chances of him becoming leader of the Conservative Party were about as likely as "being locked in a disused fridge". Paul Merton cheerily told him, "these things do happen."
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I WAS IN TEARS
 
At a football match between Liverpool FC and Bolton Wanderers, the Bolton fans started chanting Boris Johnson, there's only one Boris Johnson in an attempt to enrage the Liverpool players.
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LOL
 
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