Dark Pickle
Fucked Off
Because she was the youngest Captain in the R5 wing of the Martian fleet: because she was leading the strike to take back Earth from the Mutant Mangoloids of Gaghsabastard 7, because her father was the supreme military mind on all of mars, and because she was the most beautiful and deadly woman in the solar system, Lisa Lesbos was my lover.
Because she was storming stark naked through the mess deck of the STARFUCKER 69 class Flood vessel we were currently stationed aboard, swinging a thermonuclear hand grenade attached to a pair of magnetic handcuffs like a dead cat by its tail, and because of the look of homicidal rage on her face she currently had my undivided attention.
My name is Cunt Kisser, Lt. Cmndr. and the best pilot in the R5. Over ten thousand mangos have died under my spamcannons. I'm normally well regarded for my quick thinking and lightning fast reflexes, but seeing my superior officer and the woman I love in this state, I was somewhat at a loss.
Just then she disengaged the lock of the magnecuffs, letting the nuke fly. She was aiming at the end of the salad bar, where the--OH NO! THE ORANGES! I reacted without thinking, launching myself in between the grenade and the sacred fruits. As it bounced off my chest and landed on the deck, I realized it hadn't even been activated.
That's when I noticed the stun pistol in my face.
"Oh, Kisser," my beloved sighed, "I hoped it wasn't you..."
After that, I lost consciousness.
TO BE CONTINUED!
Because she was storming stark naked through the mess deck of the STARFUCKER 69 class Flood vessel we were currently stationed aboard, swinging a thermonuclear hand grenade attached to a pair of magnetic handcuffs like a dead cat by its tail, and because of the look of homicidal rage on her face she currently had my undivided attention.
My name is Cunt Kisser, Lt. Cmndr. and the best pilot in the R5. Over ten thousand mangos have died under my spamcannons. I'm normally well regarded for my quick thinking and lightning fast reflexes, but seeing my superior officer and the woman I love in this state, I was somewhat at a loss.
Just then she disengaged the lock of the magnecuffs, letting the nuke fly. She was aiming at the end of the salad bar, where the--OH NO! THE ORANGES! I reacted without thinking, launching myself in between the grenade and the sacred fruits. As it bounced off my chest and landed on the deck, I realized it hadn't even been activated.
That's when I noticed the stun pistol in my face.
"Oh, Kisser," my beloved sighed, "I hoped it wasn't you..."
After that, I lost consciousness.
TO BE CONTINUED!