Buffy getting skull-fucked in a theater near you

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Warner Bros. to Remake 'Buffy' Movie

It didn't even make $17 million at the global box office, but Warner Bros. and Atlas Entertainment announced Monday that the 1992 cult movie "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" will get the remake treatment.

No release date or talent has been announced for the do-over.

Atlas' Charles Roven and Steve Alexander will produce the feature, alongside Vertigo Entertainment's Doug Davison and Roy Lee.

Warner Bros. Pictures optioned the rights to the film from Fran and Kaz Kuzui, and Sandollar Productions.

Written by a then-unknown Joss Whedon, and starring Kristy Swanson in the title role, supported by an all-star cast including Luke Perry, Donald Sutherland, Hilary Swank, Ben Affleck, Paul Reubens and Thomas Jane, the original "Buffy" grossed only $16.6 million at the domestic box office.

Of course, it then spawned the eponymous TV show that put the WB Network on the map.

More to come... Here's the full press release:

WARNER BROS. PICTURES SHOWS ITS FANGS WITH A
"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" REBOOT

LOS ANGELES, NOVEMBER 11, 2010 – Atlas Entertainment announced today it is rebooting the beloved franchise, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with Warner Bros. Pictures. Atlas' Charles Roven and Steve Alexander will produce the feature film alongside Doug Davison and Roy Lee of Vertigo Entertainment (The Ring, How to Train Your Dragon, The Departed). Whit Anderson is writing the script.

Warner Bros. Pictures optioned the rights from creators Fran and Kaz Kuzui, and from Sandollar Productions (Sandy Gallin and Dolly Parton), for Atlas and Vertigo to produce. Buffy the Vampire Slayer first appeared as a film in 1992, subsequently becoming a cult hit and spawning the wildly popular television series starring Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz, among many others.

"Whit approached us with an exciting idea about how to update Buffy," said Roven. "There is an active fan base eagerly awaiting this character's return to the big screen. We're thrilled to team up with Doug and Roy on a re-imagining of Buffy and the world she inhabits. Details of the film are being kept under wraps, but I can say while this is not your high school Buffy, she'll be just as witty, tough, and sexy as we all remember her to be."

OH BOY WE BETTER GET A VAMPIRE MOVIE OUT THERE BEFORE THE FAD GOES AWAY EVEN THOUGH IT ALREADY DID BY NOW LOL I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING WAIT WE CAN JUST DO BUFFY OVER GREAT BRILLIANT MAKE SURE EVERYONE'S CUT IS OFF NET PROFITS SO WE DONT HAVE TO PAY THEM A DIME LOL... *shoots self*

 

[The Tomtrek]

No Whedon, no Trachtenberg, no care!

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

NO DIGGITY

 

[CaptainWacky]

It doesn't sound good.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

HA! Didn't take Joss long to react in a statement:

This is a sad, sad reflection on our times, when people must feed off the carcasses of beloved stories from their youths — just because they can't think of an original idea of their own, like I did with my Avengers idea that I made up myself.

Obviously I have strong, mixed emotions about something like this. My first reaction upon hearing who was writing it was, "Whit Stillman AND Wes Anderson? This is gonna be the most sardonically adorable movie EVER." Apparently I was misinformed. Then I thought, "I'll make a mint! This is worth more than all my Toy Story residuals combined!" Apparently I am seldom informed of anything. And possibly a little slow. But seriously, are vampires even popular any more?

I always hoped that Buffy would live on even after my death. But, you know, AFTER. I don't love the idea of my creation in other hands, but I'm also well aware that many more hands than mine went into making that show what it was. And there is no legal grounds for doing anything other than sighing audibly. I can't wish people who are passionate about my little myth ill. I can, however, take this time to announce that I'm making a Batman movie. Because there's a franchise that truly needs updating. So look for The Dark Knight Rises Way Earlier Than That Other One And Also More Cheaply And In Toronto, rebooting into a theater near you.

Leave me to my pain! Sincerely, Joss Whedon.

 

[Henoch]

I suppose if it is nothing like the original movie it could be good.

 

[Henoch]

I'm looking forward to this remake...

Kate Winslet to Remake Mildred Pierce



By Advocate.com Editors

Kate Winslet will star in the remake of Mildred Pierce, reports Entertainment Weekly. It’s been rumored for months that the Academy Award-winning actress will slip into the Depression-era waitress duds and tackle the role that won Joan Crawford her only Oscar, and HBO has officially confirmed the speculation. Out director Todd Haynes (Far From Heaven,Poison) will helm the cable production, a five-hour adaptation of the classic James M. Cain novel. The 1945 film version is a favorite among gay viewers for its snappy dialogue and the sizzling depiction of the tempestuous relationship between a working-class woman and the ungrateful, upwardly mobile daughter to whom she is neurotically devoted.

 

[Donovan]

HA! Didn't take Joss long to react in a statement:

Whedon's take FTW!

 

[Tisiphone]

You know in about another five years, they'll remake the tv show.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

I like the original Buffy movie. It's camp, but it's entertaining enough.

 

[Tisiphone]

It had Peewee Hermand in it for crying out loud. It's a classic.

 

[Cassie]

A very LONG article in io9 http://io9.com/5700871/

 

[CaptainWacky]

Imagine, for a second, that Warners had hired writer extraordinaire Jane Espenson to write a Buffy movie script, instead of novice screenwriter Whit Anderson. Would you be as upset? I know I wouldn't.

Why do people think Jane Epenson is a guarantee of quality? Her Buffy Season 8 arc was by far the worst of the comic (the current arc is harder to understand but at least STUFF IS HAPPENING) and she wrote BSG' 'The Plan' which was shit. YEAH I KNOW YOU LIKE HER TOMTREK (she would be better than this Whit guy, yes.)

 

[Fuddlemiff]

And didn't she write that awful "Blanders in Bed" BSG ep?

Of course, she'd still be better than this other dude, but better yet would be no Buffy raping at all.

That's a pretty good article, though. I think there are some examples of characters who embrace their duties and enjoy saving people rather than begrudging it. You could even give Merlin as an example. Dr Who as well, though he does brood at the same time as extolling the joy of being a hero and doing the right thing, but that's mostly because of the 'last of his kind' thing. Most superhero movies do seem to be about characters who are really miserable, though.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Debora Cahn was the savior of the post-Sorkin West Wing era. She was the only one who could channel Sorkin's musical flair for witty banter.

THIS IS WHAT CAME TO MIND AS I READ THIS THREAD, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

 

[Tisiphone]

All things come back to The West Wing.

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]

Why do people think Jane Epenson is a guarantee of quality? Her Buffy Season 8 arc was by far the worst of the comic (the current arc is harder to understand but at least STUFF IS HAPPENING) and she wrote BSG' 'The Plan' which was shit. YEAH I KNOW YOU LIKE HER TOMTREK (she would be better than this Whit guy, yes.)

angry face!

In addition, Espenson is credited as the writer or co-writer of the following Buffy episodes: "Band Candy," "Gingerbread," "Earshot," "The Harsh Light of Day," "Pangs," "Doomed," "A New Man," "Superstar," "The Replacement," "Listening to Fear," "Checkpoint," "I Was Made to Love You," "Flooded," "Life Serial," "Doublemeat Palace," "Same Time, Same Place," "Sleeper," "First Date," "Storyteller," and "End of Days."

She also wrote RM w/a VU, which is one of the, like, five first season Angel episodes worth watcing.

(Yeah okay she wrote Doublemeat Palace but)


And that Whit guy is a girl, who knew?

 

[CaptainWacky]

I'm not saying that she hasn't written good episodes, and looking at that list she's written some of the funniest ones too (and First Date), just that I wouldn't be excited if it was announced she was writing a Buffy movie movie instead of the Whit...person. I'd still be thinking "why isn't it Joss?"

 

[Gagh]

I hope Joss puts Fran & Kaz Kazui through a table with a double Rock Bottom.

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]

I'm not saying that she hasn't written good episodes, and looking at that list she's written some of the funniest ones too (and First Date), just that I wouldn't be excited if it was announced she was writing a Buffy movie movie instead of the Whit...person. I'd still be thinking "why isn't it Joss?"

Sure. We'd all be thinking that, but the article premises that Joss is out of the picture. Given that, Jane Espenson is my top choice.