Conchaga
Let's fuck some shit up
So, I've got this thing about driving. I'm an exceptionally good driver. Never been in an accident. I get too many speeding tickets, but that's about it.
Can someone explain these stupid ovular bumper stickers that are black and white and contain anywhere from one to three letters? I never know what these letters stand for. ANY of them. You've gotta look real close at the small print on there that tells you what the abbreviations are. Lemme ask you this. Why are you going to abbreviate something NOBODY is going to identify, then because you know NOBODY will identify with it, you place the full name at the bottom in impossibly difficult to read letters? Why not just write the whole goddamned thing out and then put it on a longer bumper sticker.
The worst part is, they make them for the most-backwater US towns. I saw one the other day for a town near where I live. It's totally backwoods and can't possibly have a population over 1,000. Yet, they have one of those stickers, too. I saw one today for a town in Jersey I've never heard of. I don't even care about Jersey. I think it's just that two hour stretch between New York and Philly. Why do you think I am gonna care about your stupid po-dunk town in motherfuckin Jersey? That's right. I'm not.
How many more ways can we celebrate mediocrity in the US? This is just another in a long line of pretentious mediocre preening that we americans produce. It's pathetic. I hope you, your self-absorbed sticker from your hicksville town, and your ugly Scion burn in a firey crash! I hope it incinerates your buck-toothed family, too. Bunch of fat, dumb, useless product buying, morons in a shitty SUV. Blow me.
Now, the next group of people that should be publicly executed are the slow drivers in the left lane. Even if I'm speeding, and there's nobody in the right lane, I get in the right lane. You know why? Because some other asshole in a car that's worth more than two grand might come barreling up behind me and want to pass my slow-moving shitbox. I'm courteous.
I do like to weave in and out of traffic. That's true. But, I have special military training that teaches me how to drive offensively without causing a 20 car pileup. And, besides, my car sucks and my insurance is low. If I hit you, I will care less.
But, the asshole I got behind today needs to be castrated in front of his mother. I'm doing my usual, going 85 in a 55, and I come up behind some shaved headed white guy in a crapbox that's only a little better than mine.
Let me first say this. If you're a white guy who shaves his head, you need to be beaten with a ballpeen hammer in front of small children. It's not cool. It never was. You look like a dildo. A big fat, shiny, dildo with a moustache. Because you can't be totally hairless. You gotta have that ugly 'stache too.
He's in the left lane NOT EVEN DRIVING THE SPEED LIMIT!! Yet, he's still managing to pass the guy in the right lane. When he gets to a point where the right lane is clear, I flash my brights at him to try and give him the hint that I want to pass him.
Now, mind you, I wasn't tailgating this guy. I'm not a prick. I don't do that shit. All I did was get behind him and flash my lights when it seemed that he wasn't going to pull over.
Well, what does this asshole do? He gives me the finger. He continues to drive at a steady speed and as soon as there's space on the right for me to pull into the right lane and pass him on the right he speeds up so that I can't pass him. He's playing anti-speeder vigilanti! I HATE those people. From then on, any chance I had to pass this guy, he cuts in front of me and slows down. This is just inciting my road rage. I was moments away from ramming his bumper to run him of the freeway.
Well, he gets off at an exit near mine. I think to myself "why not, let's fuck with the guy." So, I followed him home. I followed his pretentious anti-speeder vigilanti shaved ass to his house. And, as he pulled into his driveway I make the hand pistol and fire it at him while winking. I think tomorrow I'm going to draft a threatening letter. Nothing too serious and no direct threats. That would be illegal. I'll merely suggest terrible things that could befall him and his family members.
This faggoty-assed motherfucker is not going to do anything like that to any more of my fellow speeders without thinking of the letter he had to burn and cry himself to sleep over.
Any suggestions?
Can someone explain these stupid ovular bumper stickers that are black and white and contain anywhere from one to three letters? I never know what these letters stand for. ANY of them. You've gotta look real close at the small print on there that tells you what the abbreviations are. Lemme ask you this. Why are you going to abbreviate something NOBODY is going to identify, then because you know NOBODY will identify with it, you place the full name at the bottom in impossibly difficult to read letters? Why not just write the whole goddamned thing out and then put it on a longer bumper sticker.
The worst part is, they make them for the most-backwater US towns. I saw one the other day for a town near where I live. It's totally backwoods and can't possibly have a population over 1,000. Yet, they have one of those stickers, too. I saw one today for a town in Jersey I've never heard of. I don't even care about Jersey. I think it's just that two hour stretch between New York and Philly. Why do you think I am gonna care about your stupid po-dunk town in motherfuckin Jersey? That's right. I'm not.
How many more ways can we celebrate mediocrity in the US? This is just another in a long line of pretentious mediocre preening that we americans produce. It's pathetic. I hope you, your self-absorbed sticker from your hicksville town, and your ugly Scion burn in a firey crash! I hope it incinerates your buck-toothed family, too. Bunch of fat, dumb, useless product buying, morons in a shitty SUV. Blow me.
Now, the next group of people that should be publicly executed are the slow drivers in the left lane. Even if I'm speeding, and there's nobody in the right lane, I get in the right lane. You know why? Because some other asshole in a car that's worth more than two grand might come barreling up behind me and want to pass my slow-moving shitbox. I'm courteous.
I do like to weave in and out of traffic. That's true. But, I have special military training that teaches me how to drive offensively without causing a 20 car pileup. And, besides, my car sucks and my insurance is low. If I hit you, I will care less.
But, the asshole I got behind today needs to be castrated in front of his mother. I'm doing my usual, going 85 in a 55, and I come up behind some shaved headed white guy in a crapbox that's only a little better than mine.
Let me first say this. If you're a white guy who shaves his head, you need to be beaten with a ballpeen hammer in front of small children. It's not cool. It never was. You look like a dildo. A big fat, shiny, dildo with a moustache. Because you can't be totally hairless. You gotta have that ugly 'stache too.
He's in the left lane NOT EVEN DRIVING THE SPEED LIMIT!! Yet, he's still managing to pass the guy in the right lane. When he gets to a point where the right lane is clear, I flash my brights at him to try and give him the hint that I want to pass him.
Now, mind you, I wasn't tailgating this guy. I'm not a prick. I don't do that shit. All I did was get behind him and flash my lights when it seemed that he wasn't going to pull over.
Well, what does this asshole do? He gives me the finger. He continues to drive at a steady speed and as soon as there's space on the right for me to pull into the right lane and pass him on the right he speeds up so that I can't pass him. He's playing anti-speeder vigilanti! I HATE those people. From then on, any chance I had to pass this guy, he cuts in front of me and slows down. This is just inciting my road rage. I was moments away from ramming his bumper to run him of the freeway.
Well, he gets off at an exit near mine. I think to myself "why not, let's fuck with the guy." So, I followed him home. I followed his pretentious anti-speeder vigilanti shaved ass to his house. And, as he pulled into his driveway I make the hand pistol and fire it at him while winking. I think tomorrow I'm going to draft a threatening letter. Nothing too serious and no direct threats. That would be illegal. I'll merely suggest terrible things that could befall him and his family members.
This faggoty-assed motherfucker is not going to do anything like that to any more of my fellow speeders without thinking of the letter he had to burn and cry himself to sleep over.
Any suggestions?
See, how undramatic I am? No, OMFG! Teh Drama of you, LG!