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Cat Cleaners: The Final Season

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
(COLD OPEN in a meeting at the NETWORK Cat Cleaners airs on. There are four network executives: an older man, a younger man, a younger hot womanand an obese middle aged lady. They are looking at a graph of ratings for the previous season.)

Older Man: Ratings are down...

Younger Man: Only slightly. It's still doing well in the key demos.

Fat Woman: But the key demos are all idiots! This show is terrible, a disgrace to tv. It must be cancelled!

Older Man: I agree!

Younger Man: Well I disagree!

Younger Woman: I'm undecided...it is a silly show but it is popular. The again, it might have run its course...

Older Man: It's getting cancelled so we can put more shows about antiques on, okay!

Younger Man: At least give them one last season to tie up all their storylines!

Older Man and Fat Woman: NEVER!

(Jock and DJ come BARGING IN. Studio audience cheer.)

Older Man: What was that noise...

Younger Man: It's Jock and DJ!

Jock: We couldn't help over-hearing that you're going to cancel us! We want you to reconsider!

DJ: At least give us an extra special final season that can set off a spin-off where we become astronauts!

Fat Woman: No! We can't keep spending all our money on your stupid show!

Jock: Why, do you need the money for FOOD?

(Studio Audience: Woooooooo!)

Younger Man: Hey, guys, I love your show too, but I think you need something to increase ratings if you want a final season.

Older Man: Yes I suppose I could give you one more season, JUST ONE, if you found some way to get ratings up, but I highly doubt you'll be able to do that...

DJ: What about HER?

(He's looking at Younger Woman.)

Younger Woman: Me? I think another season would be okay...

DJ: No, what if YOU join our show? You're hot! You'd get ratings up for sure!

Jock: You've already got MY ratings up!

Younger Woman: But I have no acting experience!

Jock and DJ: Who cares, you're hot!

(Studio audience cheer.)

Younger Woman: I...I'll do it!

(Jock and DJ jump up on the table and start playing air guitar. The Younger Woman jumps up with them too and rips her business suit open revealing a SEXY OUTFIT. Younger Man jumps up too and they all rock out.

Older Man: What! That's not how we make decisions at this network! And are you two the actors who play Jock and DJ or the actual fictional characters from the tv show? I don't get it!

Fat Woman: Oh lighten up, you stuffy git!

(She PUNCHES HIM which feels unearned but the audience cheer anyway.)

Jock: Join the party!

(She climbs up on the table and starts BRAKDANCING!)

Jock and DJ: Final season, baby!
 
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NEW OPENING CREDITS

Jock is jump off a building holding a cat.

DJ is DJ'ing at a club.

Lucy is drinking wine.

NEW CHARACTER Melanie is flirting with a football player while a bank robber steals a load of cats behind her.

WITH The Champ back in the boxing ring but the ring ropes are on fire for some reason.

AND Uncle Mac holding a press confrence at the White House.

CAT CLEANERS

(Lucy is sitting behind the counter of Cat Cleaners drinking wine. She sighs.)

Lucy: Another day with no customers. How much longer can we survive like this?

Cat: Miaow!

(Studio audience awwww!)

Lucy: That's easy for you to say!

(Studio audience laugh. At a Lucy line! It's the final season so they've even accepted her. Jock, DJ and Melanie walk in.)

Jock: Grrrr-eetings!

DJ: Hizzello!

Melanie: Melanie!

Lucy: Oh, it's you two and...who's this?

Jock: Our new employee, Melanie!

DJ: Look how hot she is!

Lucy: We can't afford to pay a new employee! We can't even afford to keep the lights on!

(The power cuts out just after she says that.)

Lucy: See! This place is losing money hand over first, whatever that means!

Jock: Melanie will bring new business.

DJ: By being hot!

Lucy: That's not enough! Do you have any experience with cleaning cats, Melanie?

Melanie: Well, no, I just quit my high paying job as a tv network executive to come work here on a whim. But don't cats clean themselves anyway? Shouldn't this place be Dog Cleaners? Duhh?

Cat: Hissss!

Jock: Don't say the "D" word in front of Whiskerton!

Melanie: What "Duhh"? Sorry!

Lucy: That's IT, I've had enough, I'm going to go work somewhere else unless this place gets a sudden cash injection!

(Uncle Mac comes gliding in on rollerskaters. Studio audience explode.)

Uncle Mac: Did somebody say hot BEEF injection?

Lucy: No!

Uncle Mac: Well, that's lucky, because what I do have is a sudden cash injection! I just placed a bet on The Champ to win his next fight!

DJ: But The Champ hasn't won a fight for years and broke both his hands punching a snowman last week!

Jock: And his next opponent is Mega Boxer Ken!

Uncle Mac: Don't worry, I didn't bet my life savings or anything...because I blew them all on drugs. I just bet this shop!

Jock, DJ and Lucy: WHAAAAAA?

Melanie: Hi, I'm Melanie!

TO BE CONTINUED
 
(The Champ is in his dressing room getting ready for his fight with Mega Boxer Ken. A doctor looks very concerned.)

Doctor: I keep telling you, I can't medically clear you to box tonight! Both your hands are broken from punching that snowman and you've suffered fifty seven concussions in the last day alone! If I ever breathe on your head too hard you'll die!

The Champ: Shut up, white boy, you don't know me!

Doctor: I'm black!

(He is.)

The Champ: Okay, I'm going blind too. But I don't care, sucka! I GOTS to box tonight! It's all I live for after my girl took my son away from me. And my other twenty girls all took my other twenty sons away from me too! Now shut up and clear me!

Doctor: Never! Only an irresponsible mad man would think it okay for you to fight tonight!

(Uncle Mac, Jock, DJ, Lucy and Melanie come charging in. Studio audience cheers.)

Jock: You got to fight, Champ, or asses are on the line!

DJ: And our cats!

Melanie: Melanie!

Lucy: Normally I'd disagree with these idiots and say your health is more important, but I really don't want to live on the streets so yeah, please fight!

The Champ: This sucka won't let me! Even though I'm perfectly fine! If only Uncle Mac were here!

Uncle Mac: Umm, I'm right here, Champ!

The Champ: WHO SAID THAT?

(He starts looking around, obviously completely blind and quite possibly deaf.)

Doctor: Get out of here, all of you! I estimate this man will be DEAD in five minutes!

Uncle Mac: Not if anything to say about it I have!

(He pulls out a huge syringe which has "STEROIDS" written on the side of it and injects it straight into The Champ's neck. Studio audience cheers.)

The Champ: AAAAAAAH...

(He falls on the floor, apparently dead.)

Doctor: He's dead!

(The Champ jumps back up again and gives the doctor an uppercut punch, sending him flying through the ceiling.)

The Champ: I feel great! My broken hands have healed! I can see and hear again! I can remember my real name! This is the best I've felt in years! What was in that thing, Uncle Mac?

Uncle Mac: Mostly the urine of men I have imprisoned.

The Champ: Well it did wonders, sucka! I'm going to go out there and literally KILL Mega Boxer Ken!

Jock: Yes!

DJ: Wooo!

Lucy: Splendid!

Melanie: Beat that Russian bad!

DJ: Umm, Mega Boxer Ken isn't Russian. He's as American as Apple Pete. Another boxer.

Melanie: Oh, I just thought all boxing matches were between you Americans and proud, powerful Russians because of that documentary Rocky IV I watched once. Never mind!

Lucy: What does she meant "you Americans"...

Jock: Never mind that, the fight's about to begin!

(Somehow The Champ has made his entrance and had his full introduction in the few seconds we weren't watching him. They watch the fight on a monitor. Mega Boxer Ken charges at The Champ but The Champ just sticks his fist out and Ken's whole head explodes on running into it.)

Everyone: Hurray!

Uncle Mac: Of course, once those steroids wear off he'll instantly die.

TO BE CONTINUED
 
(Back at Cat Cleaners and Jock, DJ, Lucy, Uncle Mac and Melanie are watching the news on tv.)

News Reporter Lady: In sad news, boxer Mega Boxer Ken has DIED after his head exploded on running into The Champ's out-stretched fist. He leaves seventeen children and eighteen hos behind. In other, less sad, news a doctor was found DEAD in The Champ's dressing room having been apparently punched through the ceiling. Police have no leads on who could have possibly done this and it's not like the doctor was famous or anything so who cares. Here is a quote from The Champ after he won his match in record time due to the explosion of Mega Boxer Ken's head.

The Champ: I did it, suckas! I'm on top of the world again, fools! And I owe it all to...ME! THE CHAMP! THE GREATEST DAMN BOXER OF ALL TIME. I could out box Godzilla! I could win a mtch even if the ropes were on fire for some reason! I'm The Champ and ain't noobdy can never beat me, no way!

(Uncle Mac turns the tv off.)

Uncle Mac: Well, that wraps that up! The Champ won fair and square and we won A MILLION DOLLARS from my bookie Mad Steve. And nobody got hurt!

Jock: Yeah!

Lucy: Two people died!

Uncle Mac: Mega Boxer Ken knew what he was doing. And that doctor was probably a rapist or something.

DJ: Yeah, Lucy, lighten up! We're in the money now! We can make this place TWICE AS BIG and clean TWICE AS MANY CATS. And we can finally pay Melanie!

Melanie: Yes I shall use the money to buy hot dogs and baseballs and other fine American products! USA, USA, USA!

(Studio audience chant "USA!" for a full minute.)

Lucy: But we only ever have one cat to clean!

Whiskerton: Miaow!

Jock: Whiskerton's right, we need to do something to attract new customers! Maybe I could clean cats...IN MY UNDERWEAR.

(Studio audience woooooo.)

Melanie: Me too!

(Studio audience whooooop.)

DJ: And I could start DJ'ing here! That would attract customers!

Jock: Well, uhh, sure. But why would you want to do that? Aren't you happy being a cat cleaner? Do you have to be a cat cleaner DJ too?

DJ: Do you never want anything more out of life, Jock?

Jock: No! Never! Jock rules!

(Jock sprays whipped cream into his mouth. DJ sighs and gets up and leaves.)

Lucy: That was strange. I wonder what's bothering DJ.

Jock: Maybe he's sad that The Champ is going to die as soon as those steroids wear off.

Uncle Mac: Oh yeah, I forgot about that! I guess I should tell him. By my calculations he only has TWO HOURS left to live. Want to come with me, Lucy?

Lucy: ...why the fuck would I want to come with you?

Uncle Mac: WHY indeed! MWAHAHAHAHA!

(He leaves.)

Melanie: Maybe we could get American heroes like The Kardashians and Betty White to wash their cats in here!

Lucy: Hey, are you reading that off your phone?

Melanie: No! Of course not! I didn't just Google "American heroes" on my phone! I'm not secretly Russian!

Lucy: HMMM...

Jock: Who cares about that, we've got money to spend! I just ordered TEN PIZZAs for us!

Lucy: How's that going to help bring more business here?

Jock: I ordered them from that pizza place run by THE MAFIA. When they arrive I'll just ask the shady Italians if they want us to do some cleaning for them, no questions asked!

Lucy: I'm sure there's no way that could possibly go wrong.

Melanie: You're such a supportive friend, Lucy!

Lucy: I was being sarcastic.

Melanie: Alexa, what does "sarcastic" mean.

Alexa: I can't understand your Russian accent!

Melanie: SSSSSSH, I'm not a spy!

(Someone knocks the door.)

Jock: That must be the Italian pizza criminals!

(He opens the door and gasps.)

Jock: You!

(KIM KARDASHIAN steps inside holding ten pizzas.)

Kim: Surf's up!

TO BE CONTINUED
 
(The Champ is in his bar which he bought with his prize money a few minutes ago. He is PARTYING HARD with hot ladies and minions.)

The Champ: That's right, ladies, I own this bar now...and tonight I'm going to own your asses!

A Lady: Eww! That's offensive!

Another Lady: Get woke, dude!

The Champ: DAMN! I'm sick of all this PC gone mad! You can't even call a bitch a ho anymore without some slut telling you off!

A Champ Minion: At least Trump will sort things out!

(The Champ's Minion is slit in half vertically by a sword from head to toe from behind in a horrible scene of violence. Studio audience cheer. UNCLE MAC is standing there holding a sword.)

The Champ: Damn, Mac, that guy was my best minion! I wanted to kill him myself!

Uncle Mac: Sorry, but I'm in a hurry! You're going to die in seventeen minutes when the steroids wear off!

The Champ: WHAT!

Uncle Mac: You did have two hours to live, but I stopped to play Donkey Kong at the arcade before coming to talk to you. I love that guy!

(Studio audience cheer for Donkey Kong.)

The Champ: I don't want to die, man! I've got so much left to live for! So many ladies to sleep with, so many minions to bathe in the blood of!

Uncle Mac: Sorry, but it's true, the steroids gave you the strength to punch heads so hard that they explode but the downside is INSTANT DEATH. Unless...well, I could keep you alive longer by injecting you with more steroids.

The Champ: DO IT, SUCKA!

Uncle Mac: It would mean you would completely lose your mind and be consumed by bloodlust. You'd have to murder at least five people a day to satisfy your insane cravings...

The Champ: I don't care! I'll murder a million people a day to stay alive! Life is precious! NOW INJECT ME!

Uncle Mac: Okay, but just don't murder me!

(Uncle Mac injects The Champ with a huge needle between his thighs. The Champ smiles.)

The Champ: I FEEL STRONG...

(He punches a minion, exploding the minion's head.)

The Champ: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

(He runs off to kill more people. Uncle Mac shrugs.)

Uncle Mac: Wait until he finds out the REAL TRUTH...hey, I know that guy!

(DJ is DJ'ing at the Champ's DJ station.)

DJ: Oh, hey Uncle Mac. I wasn't listening, sorry. Concentrating too hard on my tunes.

Uncle Mac: What are you doing here?

DJ: I want to be a DJ, Uncle Mac. I think everyone thought I was joking about it when I said so before, because my name happens to be DJ...but it's true. This is what I want to do with my life.

Uncle Mac: Does Jock know?

DJ: How can I tell him? How can I ever let him know...that I'm leaving Cat Cleaners forever?

(Studio audience explode. The Champ runs in holding a dead body with blood pouring from it.)

The Champ: Bring me my bathtub!

TO BE CONTINUED
 
(Kim Kardashian and her bodyguards enter Cat Cleaners. Jock and Lucy stare at her with their moves opened comically wide in shock. Melanie looks unimpressed.)

Melanie: What's the big deal, she doesn't even have a cat!

Jock: Melanie, this is Kim Kadashian, the most famous and loved woman alive!

Lucy: How could you not recognise her?

Melanie: Uhh...I did. I just forgot to wear my glasses!

Lucy: I've never seen you wearing glasses before...

Melanie: Because I forgot to wear them!

Kim: Aww, isn't he adorable, is he an expensive breed?

(She tries to stroke Whiskerton but he HISSES and CLAWS at her. Studio audience gasp.)

Kim: Hey, that wasn't in that script...

(Jock jumps in front of her.)

Jock: Uhh, moving swiftly along...but not TAYLOR Swiftly because I know you hate her! Why have you graced our humble cat cleaning shop with your heroic presence, Lady Kardashian?

Kim: Well, I heard someone calling me an American hero so I had to stop by!

Lucy: How did you hear that?

Kim: What? No! I don't have the entire world bugged so that I can know what everyone thinks of me! What a ridiculous suggestion! I'll sue you to death if you say that again!

Melanie: Intriguing! What kind of bugging technology do you use? I'm sure my Russian spy bosses would be interested in it! I mean...not my Russian spy bosses because I'm not a Russian spy...I meant to say...umm...GIRL POWER!

(Melanie starts doing a Spice Girls dance.)

Lucy: Oh, that's it!

(She grabs Melanie and takes her to one side.)

Lucy: You can't fool me! You've slipped up ONE TOO MANY times! I know you're a Russian spy!

Melanie: No! You weren't supposed to work it out yet!

Lucy: Ah ha! So it's true! I was just guessing, really.

Melanie: No you idiot, it's just a new storyline! I'm trying to spice things up here, much like the Spice Girls themselves, by PRETENDING to be a Russian spy. The key demos love Russian spy stories! If I can get ratings up, Cat Cleaners could get another season!

Lucy: ...I don't understand. You're talking like this is a tv show or something! This is real life! Now, let's see what Kim Kardashian wants before the mafia arrive with our pizzas.

Jock: So Kim, can I call you Kim?

Kim: No.

Jock: So, Kim, can we clean a cat for you or anything?

Kim: Eww, no. I have all my cats cleaned by CHINESE SLAVE LABOUR. I'm just here to make myself look good by helping a local business or something. Here's some money.

(She gives a CRISP HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL to Jock.)

Jock: Wow, a hundred dollars! Enough to pay for half those pizzas I ordered from the mafia! Say thank you, Whiskerton.

Whiskerton: Miaow!

Kim: Get me the fuck out of here.

(She turns to leave but an ITALIAN MOBSTER is standing in the doorway with ten pizzas.)

Italian: Hey, it's that Kim Kardashian babe! Let's kidnap her and sell her to the North Koreans!

Kim: No, noooooo!

(He grabs her and pulls her away. He leaves the ten pizzas behind. Studio audience cheer.)

Lucy: Why did her bodyguards just let her be kidnapped?

Bodyguard: We fucking hate her!

Lucy: Ooooh!

Jock: At least we got a hundred dollars and ten free pizzas out of it! Not bad!

(Melanie opens the top pizza box.)

Melanie: There's nothing in here but crusts!

(The Italian mobsters sticks his head back in the door.)

Italian: What? I got hungry on the way here! Mama mia!

Kim: PLEASE, SAVE ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...

(He leaves again.)

Jock: Joke's on him, I ordered stuffed crusts!

Melanie: He sucked them dry!

Jock: Damn it!

Lucy: None of this helps with our money problems, or the fact that we're partially responsible for The Champ murdering that doctor.

Melanie: Perhaps you need some help from mother...

Jock: Oh?

Melanie: Yes...MOTHER RUSSIA!

(RUSSIAN FLAGS fall from the ceiling.)

Melanie: I claim this cat cleaning shop...for Russia!

TO BE CONTINUED
 
(Uncle Mac, The Champ and DJ are walking through a dark alley full of homeless people sleeping in the gutter.)

The Champ: Man, that was the best blood bath ever! I feel so clean and ready to kill again!

DJ: Mac, why did you bring me here? I have to get back to Cat Cleaners and tell Jock that I've leaving forever to pursue a music career!

Uncle Mac: Okay, you can do that later after we've selected a homeless person for The Champ to kill.

DJ: What! You brought us here to find a homeless man for The Champ to murder!?

The Champ: Hey, it doesn't have to be a man. I murder women too! Now that's feminism!

Uncle Mac: Don't worry, most of these homeless people are probably murderers too. That's why they're homeless!

DJ: I don't think that's true! People can be homeless for many reasons...

Uncle Mac: Let's ask that guy! You, bum, why are you homeless?

Homeless Man: Well my hosue burned down so I have nowhere to live.

DJ: That's horrible! See, this guy doesn't deserve to die! Your poor house.

Homeless Man: Yeah! I burned it down to murder my wife and eight children, but I never thought about where I'd live after they'd burned to death! I'm the real victim here!

DJ: Ummm...

Uncle Mac: This is the one, Champ!

(But The Champ is looking at a homeless woman who is drinking from a brown paper bag.)

Homeless Woman: What? You never drank BAG JUICE before?

(Studio audience explode.)

The Champ: I want to kill this one, Mac! All that talk of murdering women has given me a taste for it!

Uncle Mac: But sh'e's not part of the...I mean, umm, this guy deserves it!

The Champ: I don't care nothing about who deserves it! Life's a cosmic joke! The only reason any of us are alive is because we haven't died yet! It makes no difference what anyone's done, they all end up the same! But I'm going to take as many lives as possible before I die because it pleases me sexually! Now shut up and let me murder this woman with my bare fists!

(Studio audience cheer and chant "CHAMP, CHAMP, CHAMP!")

Uncle Mac: At least take her back to Cat Cleaners first so I can prepare a kill room for you.

The Champ: A kill room...good, I like the sound of that. Okay, we'll take her back and I'll killer her there while Whiskerton watches. Then I might murder Jock after that. I've always wanted to murder him.

DJ: Not before I tell him I'm leaving forever!

The Champ: Maybe I'll murder you instead, who knows!

(He grabs the homeless woman.)

The Champ: Your life is at an end, baby!

Homeless Woman(shrugging): My BAG JUICE has run out anyway.

(The Champ carries her back to Cat Cleaners. But something has changed.)

DJ: That's funny, there wasn't always a massive Russian flag hanging over the front of Cat Cleaners!

(They go insdie. The whole place is full of RUSSIANS with RUSSIAN CATS. Melanie is standing on a platform being worshipped as their queen. Jock and Lucy are wearing FURRY RUSSIAN HATS.)

DJ: Whaaaaaaaaaaat!

Jock: Oh, hey buddy! We're communists now! And I met Kim Kardashian!

DJ: C...c...Kardashian!? I mean c...c...commies?!

Lucy: I was against it too, at first, but then Melanie explained that under communism it wouldn't matter that we've lost millions of dollars on this cat cleaning shop. She's saved us!

Melanie: PRAISE PUTIN.

DJ: Umm, I don't think Putin's actually a communist...

The Champ: Who cares! I've got a woman to murder! Mac, get that kill room ready!

Uncle Mac: Okay! I'll use Jock's bedroom.

Homeless Woman: Hang on...Melanie?

Melanie: WHAT?

(Melanie looks down from her platform at the homeless woman.)

Melanie: Oh...

Homeless Woman: It is you!

Melanie: Yeah...hi...mom.

Jock, Lucy, DJ, Mac: MOM!?

The Champ: MURDER?

TO BE CONTINUED
 
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(Everyone is still staring in shock at Melanie, except The Champ who is playing with Whiskerton.)

Jock: What does this mean! How can your mom be a homeless lady if you're a bigshot Russian spy!

Melanie: Don't question the great Putin's ways!

Mel Mom: She's not really Russian! She's mentally ill and believes she lives in a tv show. She's probably just pretending to be a Russian spy to get "ratings" up.

Melanie: Russian spies tested well in our key demo!

Uncle Mac: All a tv show, eh? What a crazy idea...

Lucy: That means...we're not communists? We're still going to get out of business?

Jock: ZOINKS!

Uncle Mac: So how did you end up homeless anyway?

Mel Mom: I sold my home to pay for brain altering surgery on my daughter! But she ran out on it and I still had to pay because the doctor altered the brain of a chimpanzee instead!

Uncle Mac: Oh, makes sense.

Melanie: I...I have to go report back to Putin! LATER, COMRADES.

(She runs out.)

Mel Mom: All this stress has caused me to need to use the bathroom!

(She goes off to use the bathroom. The Champ watches her go.)

The Champ: I, uhh, also need to shit.

Whiskerton: Miaow?

(The Champ walks off after her.)

Jock: I can't believe it...this really is the end of Cat Cleaners. Unless something happens...

DJ: Jock, there's something I have to tell you.

Jock: Well it better be good news, because anymore bad news right now would literally kill me!

DJ: Oh...uhh...I just have to tell you that...you're my best friend!

(Studio audience: aww!)

Jock: Well that doesn't help at all! I'll put the tv on.

(He puts the tv on. The newsreader is just finishing the previous story, like always.)

Newsreader: ...so many bodies found punched to death. Police have no leads other than bathtubs full of blood. In other news, there will be a pizza eating contest tomorrow at the old Satanist church with a ten million dollar prize!

Jock: That's it! Satan! I mean, pizza! I just have to enter and win that contest! Thanks, tv!

(He kisses the tv and skips away.)

DJ: Well, I guess if he wins that money he'll be happy and I'll be able to tell him I'm leaving forever to launch a music career.

Lucy: And I'll be able...to ask Jock to marry me.

(Studio audience explode.)

DJ: Whaaaaaaaaat? I thought you hated him?

Lucy: I've come to realise that the only reason I stick around this insane shop is because I'm secretly in love with Jock! It was so secret that I didn't even know about it myself. Once he has ten million dollars from eating pizza I'll feel secure enough to finally marry him!

DJ: Well, we better FIX THT CONTEST SOMEHOW. A lot is riding on it!

(They high five. The Champ comes out of the bathroom covered in blood, smiling.)

The Champ: All done!

(He walks away. Uncle Mac comes running over.)

Uncle Mac: Where's The Champ? Why is there a trail of blood? Oh no! He murdered her, didn't he? NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lucy: Oh give it up, Mac. Earlier in when Melanie's mom mentioned the idea that his is all a tv show, you looked shifty. You're pranking The Champ again, aren't you? For one of your reality shows? Like that time you tricked him into thinking he was in prison? You've made him think he's a killer for a reality show, but we know it's not real!

Uncle Mac: No! I mean, yes. Obviously. Well done for working it out. This guy never did.

DJ: Hey!

Lucy: What's the problem then?

Uncle Mac: The problem is that Melanie's mom wasn't part of the show! She was a real person who The Champ chose to murder, instead of all those actors he "killed" before who were actually not really killed! That means if he's killed Melanie's mom...he's killed her for real!

Lucy: Oh don't be silly, he probably just cut himself shaving or something and that's where the blood came from, I'm sure she's fine...

(Uncle Mac opens the bathroom door. The dead body of Melanie's Mom comes sprawling out.)

Lucy and DJ: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Uncle Mac: And if he's killed her for real...there's no telling who he'll kill for real next!

TO BE CONTINUED
 
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