Clown Man (A PLAY)

[CaptainWacky]

Cast of characters: Clown Man, his wife, Inspector Bacon.

Clown Man: Oh woe is me, for my wife is having an affair with my brother, but she doesn't know that I know!

Wife: Lalalala, life is great, isn't it Clown Man?

Clown Man: Yes dear!

Clown Man(to audience): I am the saddest clown.

(Inspector Bacon enters.)

Bacon: 'ello, 'ello, 'ello, what's all this then!

Wife: Something I can help you with?

Clown Man(to audience): MOUTH SEX perhaps?

Bacon: I'm looking for a rapist known to wear clown make-up. Do you know anything about this, wench?

Wife(to audience): Oh no! My secret lover, Clown Man's brother, said he was going to go commit some rapes wearing clown make-up after he had made love to me! But I can't let him get arrested, for I love him!

Bacon: Well? Stop talking to the audience and answer me!

Wife: It was...

(Clown Man rolls his eyes, knowing what's coming.)

Wife: HIM!

(She points to Clown Man.)

Clown Man: I am the saddest clown.

Bacon: And you're under arrest for raping three sailors!

Wife: Wait a minute, Clown Man's brother would never rape sailors, only schoolgirls!

Clown Man: That's right, I did the sailor raping, to frame my brother for it! Except in an ironic twist of fate, you fingered me for this crime that I really did commit and now I will be jailed for commiting this crime which I did commit!

Bacon: Enough of your lip, son!

(Bacon beats Clown Man down with his baton as the wife cries.)

Wife: But now, seeing you in pain, I realise that I still love you, and not your brother! Oh woe is me!

Clown Man: I...am...the...saddest...urgh.

(He passes out.)

Bacon: Another case wrapped up by inspector Bacon of the Yard!

 

[CaptainWacky]

LOL I'M SO FUNNY

 

[Cassie]

OMG! It's like a hidden treasure that I didn't know existed! I must have been asleep that day or maybe it was that one time my computer was broken for a whole week.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Or maybe it just sucked!

 

[Cassie]

None of your stories suck!

Hey, have you ever read Catch-22? I think you'd like it.. Joseph Heller should have been an MFer.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I tired to read it a few years ago and it annoyed me. I can't remember why.

 

[Cassie]

It's kinda weird, but so far I'm liking the weirdness.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Sometimes I don't like things people (or I) think I would like. Terry Pratchett books being another example. I just don't like the writing style or something.

 

[Cassie]

I don't like Terry Pratchett either.. I tried to but I just didn't get it. I do love Neil Gaiman though, and that one book they wrote together (Good Omens) was really great.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Neil Gaiman is a completely different kettle of fish! I DON'T SUPPOSE you've read his Sandman comics? They're really good and epic.

 

[Cassie]

I haven't read the comics but I've read almost all of his novels and I loved every one of them. I keep meaning to get the comics and one time i bought something called Sandman that he edited but it was a bunch of stories by other authors, and I haven't tried to find the Sandman comics since then.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I've got them all on my computer, thanks to Menty. I'd send you them if you had broadband! They really got me into comics (although none of the comics I've read since have been as good, IRONICALLY ENOUGH.)

 

[Cassie]

I wonder if the Dark Tower comics were any good. I should see if I can find them too.