Don't you hate when this happens?

[Donovan]

This is 100% true story:
I was up last night until about midnight, then went to bed so I could get up today for a zombie walk with the kid. Zombie walks rule. Anyway, I'm asleep about two and a half hours, just long enough to get good and deep into REM, when I hear a male voice calling from INSIDE MY HOUSE, "Hello, this is the Police! Where are you?"
Of course I woke instantly. I won't say that those words, in that order, at that time of night, were entirely unfamiliar to me. But the need for police to come into my home and find me hasn't been there for maybe twenty years or so, and during the days when they DID seek my attention they were rarely that nice. Sometimes they stepped on my head.
So last night I was truly surprised when I came rushing out into the dark hallway to find an armed police officer, one hand holding a flashlight and the other on his holster. Thankfully he didn't shoot me, since he appeared very startled when I suddenly appeared in my underwear looking like a longhaired Manson Family reject.
After a second we got to the heart of the matter. A 911 call had been received that a woman had fallen and couldn't get up. For some reason my address had been given. I do have a single woman who lives upstairs, but she was gone for the weekend and her name was not the same as the caller. There is also an unusual situation in my small village that two streets are named identically and have identical house numbering, and this has been a major pain before. One is avenue, one is street, and if I ever have a pizza guy or delivery person get it right it will be the first fucking time. But I digress.
So I double-checked the upstairs for my neighbor, secretly hoping she would be home so I'd have an excuse for going up there in my underwear, and the cop went to recheck his number and info. I didn't find my neighbor upstairs needing the help of an underwear clad hero dammit, errr, I mean thankfully, so I came back to tell the cop that but he was already going into a house across the way so I went back to bed.
Things that suck about this story are: waking up like that put me in a wide awake state so I couldn't sleep, and ended up missing the zombie walk because I was tired. Also, I had forgotten to lock both the front door and my apartment door, which creeped me out a little. Plus, I had to conduct a conversation with an armed officer in my skivvies and I didn't even get a chance to flex for my neighbor.
Things that don't suck about this story. The officer was not looking for me, and when I told him he had the wrong house and the wrong guy, I said it with a straight face. Also, he didn't step on my head. Finally, the kid woke up with a sore throat and begged off the zombies so I didn't have to do it. AND he slept thru the whole episode so I don't have to tell my ex wife why cops came into my house at two am.

The end.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

I wonder if the woman ever got up again.

 

[Cassie]

That would freak me right the fuck out. I hope you never forget to lock your door again.

 

[curiousa2z]

yeah, even in a small town you need to lock your doors at night.
one night, many years ago I woke up, certain I could hear whispering downstairs...nudged my sleeping partner of the time (who was notorious for not locking fucking doors) and said I thought I heard voices...turns out I HAD heard voices...of two really BIG Mofos who were drunk out of their gourds and had walked into the wrong house!
(They were looking for the skank next door). Luckily they were benign drunks, and other than getting their goddamn snowy boots all over my nice hard wood stairs (they were actually coming up the fucking stairs to the second floor where the bedrooms were!) they left when we yelled at them. But man, who knows what could have happened.
Not wise to leave doors unlocked these days...anywhere...so Dono, we love you - lock the goddamn doors!

 

[Donovan]

@ Fuddle: I just wonder if the cop ever found the right house, or if he wandered up and down the street going into random homes and seeing if anybody needed help. I also wonder why they sent a single cop to what he said was a distress call. Seems like an ambulance would be more in order. Like I said, verrrrry surreal.

@ Cass: Like I said, it may be that this isn't the first time a cop has come into my home in the middle of the night looking for me. Besides, I'm one of those "instant react" kinda guys. I'm able to shut off the emotion during crisis and simply react to the situation. It has saved my life a couple times, not that last night was truly a dangerous spot. Mostly I get a delayed effect like what happened last night, where the adrenalin wears off and I'm left wide awake and pondering the sequence of things only after the event passes.

@curi: in a way I'm glad I left the door unlocked. If the cop thought this was the place and I was a helpless old lady, he might have kicked the door in and that would have been much more startling...bad enough to wake up to him wandering through my living room.

 

[eloisel]

What is a Zombie Walk?

BTW - glad it turned out okay for you.

 

[Donovan]

zombie walks are goofy little public participation performance art things where a bunch of people get together, dress like zombies and shamble around downtown for a while. They got the idea from watching closing time at the bars probably. But they're usually family friendly and often attached to some charitable thing like donating toiletries for the homeless etc. Its a little like those biker runs for charity. You're doing something you probably would do anyway and its for a good cause...

 

[curiousa2z]

^our Zombie Walk is the 23rd of October this year. Whoo!

Dono, we do things a bit differently here: if there was a report that a woman had fallen in her house, the firefighters & cops are 'first at scene'. Firefighters have Master keys for doors so if there's a chance someone inside is in trouble and there's no answer, they simply unlock it - you can hurt yourself kicking in doors! You ever tried busting down a door? it aint like they show it in Hollywood.

 

[Donovan]

^our Zombie Walk is the 23rd of October this year. Whoo!

Dono, we do things a bit differently here: if there was a report that a woman had fallen in her house, the firefighters & cops are 'first at scene'. Firefighters have Master keys for doors so if there's a chance someone inside is in trouble and there's no answer, they simply unlock it - you can hurt yourself kicking in doors! You ever tried busting down a door? it aint like they show it in Hollywood.

That's because Canadians are all full of that whatchamacallit thing we Americans despise so much...common sense. Next you'l be telling me doctors are cheap up there.

As for busting down doors and breaking into houses with and without fake keys: I may or may not have any prior knowledge of that activity, purely on a hypothetical basis mind you, and while shouldering a door like on tv is a dumb idea one can generally kick a door in easily if you aim near the door knob or deadbolt area where frequently the wood frame is thinner abnd will splinter easily. However, since lock mechanisms have changed very little in all these years one can also make a "dummy" master key that, with a tap and turn at the right instant, will jar the tumblers on most locks and unlock a lot of door.

I would have no first hand knowledge of any of this activity, however, as I do not want the nice policemen to come back and possibly step on my head.

 

[CaptainWacky]

That's never happened to me, man.

 

[The Call Of Nature]

Poor {{{{{{{Donovan}}}}}}}!
underwear clad hero would be a cool title. Much better than mm's favourite toy, imho.
How's the kid's throat now? Better? If not, try malt candy. Old home remedy. It helps really good and is so tasty that kids won't refuse to eat it

 

[Donovan]

That's never happened to me, man.

It's happened to me, deserved or not, more times than I care to closely examine. Has to do with the company one keeps, I expect. I had the cops swarm my house one time because some idiot neighbor saw me carrying my laundry home in a duffel and assumed I'd robbed somebody's house. They snuck in through the frigging woods that time, and showed up on my back porch. That was surreal too, but at least I was awake. Lucky I was a lazy bastard and hadn't unpacked the laundry from the bag yet when they came, made it easier to explain without them trying to search my house...

 

[Dr Dave]

Just remmeber you don't have to consent to a search if you don't want to.

Poor {{{{{{{Donovan}}}}}}}!
underwear clad hero would be a cool title. Much better than mm's favourite toy, imho.
How's the kid's throat now? Better? If not, try malt candy. Old home remedy. It helps really good and is so tasty that kids won't refuse to eat it

If you had said malt liqour that would have been amusing.

 

[Donovan]

Just remmeber you don't have to consent to a search if you don't want to.

Well there wasn't a hell of a lot left to search. I was standing there in my skivvies. I suppose it's a good thing the boy was sleeping over because when he's not I'm prone to sleeping with everything swinging in the wind. Then there'd have been two of us with our hands on our weapons that night.

If you had said malt liqour that would have been amusing.

Cures what 'ales' you har har.

 

[Donovan]

Just remmeber you don't have to consent to a search if you don't want to.

With regard to consent to search, I believe that applies more for routine situations where police suspicion is involved i.e. shady behavior. In the case of a phone complaint they are allowed to investigate as if a crime has been alleged, including pursuing evidence. When he saw the duffel the person called about he was allowed to ask to see inside to insure I hadn't stolen stuff. Besides, we all know the right of refusal only goes so far, and I have learned in my lifetime that being polite to people who can make your life very difficult, such as cops and lawyers, makes things much easier on you.

 

[Dr Dave]

They can do some stuff because of Probable Cause.

 

[eloisel]

In the described suspicious duffel situation, it was just easier to give permission for the police to look. They had probable cause. More than likely they could have obtained a warrant. But, since there wasn't anything to hide, it was best to just get it over with and go back to bed.

Plus, it pisses off the nosy neighbor that called and reported suspicious activity. You know that person was watching, waiting to see Donovan hauled off in handcuffs in the back of a squad car. Ruined that persons day when that didn't happen.

 

[Dr Dave]

Well there wasn't a hell of a lot left to search. I was standing there in my skivvies. I suppose it's a good thing the boy was sleeping over because when he's not I'm prone to sleeping with everything swinging in the wind. Then there'd have been two of us with our hands on our weapons that night.

.

I was talking about the bag situation not the more recent thing.

 

[eloisel]

There is a Zombie Walk near me this October 25th - the 1st one for this area. It sounds like great fun and it is the perfect time of the year for it too.

Thanks for the info!

 

[Donovan]

In the described suspicious duffel situation, it was just easier to give permission for the police to look. They had probable cause. More than likely they could have obtained a warrant. But, since there wasn't anything to hide, it was best to just get it over with and go back to bed.

Plus, it pisses off the nosy neighbor that called and reported suspicious activity. You know that person was watching, waiting to see Donovan hauled off in handcuffs in the back of a squad car. Ruined that persons day when that didn't happen.

I never did figure out who called it in. At the time we were living in the backroads of Oregon about two miles outside town. Didn't have a car, so I rode my bike everywhere and walked for stuff like shopping and laundry. That time was kinda surreal, too. I'd been home maybe half an hour and was at my kitchen sink making tea when a cop came up the BACK steps. The ones that face the woods. No car, no nothing. I had a second to say, "What the fuu---?" then turned around and a couple cars pulled into the front. It was like podunk-sting-action or something...the first one must have parked next door and snuck thru the woods like I was John Dillinger. That one was pretty funny. We made a lot of jokes about how lucky it was the cops didn't figure out I was really a laundry thief and none of that shit was my clothing lol.