CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
THIS SUMMER
(Dr Dave walking into a SCOTTISH CASTLE.)
THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE RETURNS
(He walks up to a large-breasted woman.)
TO DO WHAT HE DOES BEST
Dr Dave: I'm Dr Dave and your breasts are on fire.
TO SAVE US ALL
Woman: My breasts aren't on fire...AAAH!
(He breasts have just burst into flames.)
Dr Dave: Don't worry...I'm a doctor.
(He pulls a FIRE EXTINGUISHER out of his DOCTOR'S BAG and sprays it on the woman.)
HE HAS FACED MANY FOES
(Montage of Dr Dave sword-fighting with Dr Dace, gunning down nuns, kicking a penguin into a volcano and giving a shark a suplex.)
BUT NOW AN ORDINARY CASE
(A woman walks into Dr Dave's office.)
Woman: Excuse me...
(Dr Dave is banging the shit out of a floozy on his office desk.)
Woman: Oh my!
Dr Dave: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Woman: Are you...Dr Dave?
Dr Dave: I WILL BE IN A MINUTE.
IS ABOUT TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
Woman: I need you to get my husband arrested! He's teamed up with evil nuns to conquer France!
Dr Dave: Fine, we'll get him arrested for beating you.
Woman: But he doesn't beat me, I don't even have a single bruise...
(Dr Dave punches the woman in the face.)
Dr Dave: Problem solved.
AS HE DISCOVERS AN AMAZING SECRET...ABOUT NUNS
Dr Dave: You fucking fuckface, how the fuck could you fucking team up with fucking nuns, what kind of a man are you?
Husband: You don't know, do you? HAHAHA!
(Dr Dave grabs the man by the SCRUFF OF THE NECK.)
Dr Dave: KNOW WHAT, FUCKNOSE?
Husband: Nuns aren't really human...they're aliens! And they're going to take over the world...USING FIRE!
(The man bursts into flames and burns Dr Dave's hands.)
Dr Dave: OUCH, FIRE!
CAN EVEN DR DAVE STOP THIS THREAT
Woman: The whole world is going to catch fire if you don't stop these nuns!
Dr Dave: I could use lots of ice to make the world cold.
Woman: Where will you get this ice?
Dr Dave: SCOTLAND'S LARGEST ICE FARM!
WHAT IF ICE ISN'T ENOUGH
Dr Dave: Ice wasn't enough, FUUUUUUUUUCK!
(Dr Dave PUNCHES A TREE in anger.)
AND HOW WILL HE COPE WHEN AN OLD ENEMY RETURNS
(Dr Dave is lying on the ground, his feet all burned up.)
Dr Dave: Not you...anyone but you!
(DR DACE steps out of the shadows. He is now HALF ROBOT.)
Dr Dace: I've made a few...MODIFICATIONS!
ADVENTURE
(Dr Dave swinging through some trees like Tarzan, but looking bored.)
EXCITEMENT
(Dr Dave is fighting a nun on a SPACESHIP.)
HOT GIRLS
(SCARLETT JOHANSSON spins round to see Dr Dave standing in her bedroom.)
Dr Dave: I have to bang the shit out of you to save the world, babe.
DR DAVE CRAVES THESE THINGS. AND ALSO A SANDWICH.
(Dr Dave eating a sandwich. ON THE MOON.)
THIS SUMMER, DR DAVE WILL SAVE THE WORLD...OR THE WORLD WILL DIE
(Dr Dave running from TEN THOUSAND NUNS in LONDON.)
Dr Dave: I just need to get to BIG BEN.
DR DAVE: THE MOVIE
Dr Dave: I don't need a comedy black sidekick.
Comedy Black Sidekick: Yes you do, mang!
(Dr Dave throws the comedy black sidekick into the path of advancing nuns.)
Dr Dave: OH SECOND THOUGHTS!
(Dr Dave walking into a SCOTTISH CASTLE.)
THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE RETURNS
(He walks up to a large-breasted woman.)
TO DO WHAT HE DOES BEST
Dr Dave: I'm Dr Dave and your breasts are on fire.
TO SAVE US ALL
Woman: My breasts aren't on fire...AAAH!
(He breasts have just burst into flames.)
Dr Dave: Don't worry...I'm a doctor.
(He pulls a FIRE EXTINGUISHER out of his DOCTOR'S BAG and sprays it on the woman.)
HE HAS FACED MANY FOES
(Montage of Dr Dave sword-fighting with Dr Dace, gunning down nuns, kicking a penguin into a volcano and giving a shark a suplex.)
BUT NOW AN ORDINARY CASE
(A woman walks into Dr Dave's office.)
Woman: Excuse me...
(Dr Dave is banging the shit out of a floozy on his office desk.)
Woman: Oh my!
Dr Dave: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Woman: Are you...Dr Dave?
Dr Dave: I WILL BE IN A MINUTE.
IS ABOUT TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
Woman: I need you to get my husband arrested! He's teamed up with evil nuns to conquer France!
Dr Dave: Fine, we'll get him arrested for beating you.
Woman: But he doesn't beat me, I don't even have a single bruise...
(Dr Dave punches the woman in the face.)
Dr Dave: Problem solved.
AS HE DISCOVERS AN AMAZING SECRET...ABOUT NUNS
Dr Dave: You fucking fuckface, how the fuck could you fucking team up with fucking nuns, what kind of a man are you?
Husband: You don't know, do you? HAHAHA!
(Dr Dave grabs the man by the SCRUFF OF THE NECK.)
Dr Dave: KNOW WHAT, FUCKNOSE?
Husband: Nuns aren't really human...they're aliens! And they're going to take over the world...USING FIRE!
(The man bursts into flames and burns Dr Dave's hands.)
Dr Dave: OUCH, FIRE!
CAN EVEN DR DAVE STOP THIS THREAT
Woman: The whole world is going to catch fire if you don't stop these nuns!
Dr Dave: I could use lots of ice to make the world cold.
Woman: Where will you get this ice?
Dr Dave: SCOTLAND'S LARGEST ICE FARM!
WHAT IF ICE ISN'T ENOUGH
Dr Dave: Ice wasn't enough, FUUUUUUUUUCK!
(Dr Dave PUNCHES A TREE in anger.)
AND HOW WILL HE COPE WHEN AN OLD ENEMY RETURNS
(Dr Dave is lying on the ground, his feet all burned up.)
Dr Dave: Not you...anyone but you!
(DR DACE steps out of the shadows. He is now HALF ROBOT.)
Dr Dace: I've made a few...MODIFICATIONS!
ADVENTURE
(Dr Dave swinging through some trees like Tarzan, but looking bored.)
EXCITEMENT
(Dr Dave is fighting a nun on a SPACESHIP.)
HOT GIRLS
(SCARLETT JOHANSSON spins round to see Dr Dave standing in her bedroom.)
Dr Dave: I have to bang the shit out of you to save the world, babe.
DR DAVE CRAVES THESE THINGS. AND ALSO A SANDWICH.
(Dr Dave eating a sandwich. ON THE MOON.)
THIS SUMMER, DR DAVE WILL SAVE THE WORLD...OR THE WORLD WILL DIE
(Dr Dave running from TEN THOUSAND NUNS in LONDON.)
Dr Dave: I just need to get to BIG BEN.
DR DAVE: THE MOVIE
Dr Dave: I don't need a comedy black sidekick.
Comedy Black Sidekick: Yes you do, mang!
(Dr Dave throws the comedy black sidekick into the path of advancing nuns.)
Dr Dave: OH SECOND THOUGHTS!
