Drivers License

[Dirk Funk]

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house to play.

' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, I know why you and daddy got a divorce..'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an “F” in sex.'

 

[Aquehonga]

Mum ought bitchslap her little brat:caked:

 

[jack]

Little Boy: Mommy, can I put my hands up your skirt?

Mommy: No son, your hooks will tear my nylons.

 

[Yub]

Three Labrador retrievers - a brown, yellow and black - are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation. The black lab turns to the brown and says, "So why are you here?" The brown lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black lab asks, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna give me Prozac," comes the reply from the brown lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."

The back lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?"

The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquires.

"Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab says. The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for.

I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself -- I hopped on her back and started humping away."

The yellow and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?"

The black lab says, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

 

[SuN]

kek

 

[Loktar]