CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(NOTE: This freestyle ignores the events of the Buffy season eight comic.)
(Buffy is walking down a dark street.)
Buffy: I know you're following me.
Voice: What gave me away?
Buffy: The smell?
Voice: Well, I am a stench demon.
(The STENCH DEMON steps out of the shadows.)
Buffy: What do you guys actually do anyway, besides smell?
Stench Demon: We search out interesting smelling humans and add them to the stench collective.
Buffy: And how exactly do you do that?
Stench Demon: By killing them and consuming their stench.
Buffy: Classy.
Stench Demon: Don't judge me. I am what I am, just as you are.
Buffy: Yeah, but I don't smell like shit.
Stench Demon: Do you like it? I wore it just for you. It's from a slayer we killed last week in Instanbul. It took fifteen of us.
Buffy: Vi! So that's what happened to her!
Stench Demon: She shat her pants as she died. Poor creature...
Buffy: You're disgusting!
(She kicks the stench demon hard, knocking it flying into some bins.)
Stench Demon: Mmm, vomit in these bins...
(Buffy jumps. The stench demon breathes out and she falls from the air, gagging for breath.)
Buffy: What...how...
Stench Demon: That, my dear, is the stench produced by the Korpi demon. The last of their kind died out in the 18th century, so it's no surprise you don't recgonise it. Don't try to move, you should be most incapacitated for the next hour.
Buffy: I...don't understand...why were you coming after me....I don't smell.
Stench Demon: Oh but you do, oh dark one. You smell of power. You reek of it! There's no mistaking that smell, my dear. Not just any kind of power, the kind we haven't felt since...
(Buffy sweeps the stench demon's legs out from under it.)
Buffy: You speak more crap than you...smell of...okay, my quirky insult power isn't quite back at full strength, but you get the idea!
Stench Demon: You're stronger than even I gave you credit for!
Buffy: I live with Xander Harris, I've smelt things you don't even have in your collective.
(She pulls out a stake.)
Stench Demon: Wait, I was not trying to kill you...
Buffy: But you did kill Vi.
Stench Demon: She got in the way, discovered our plans...please, you must listen...
Buffy: Bored now.
(She drives the stake into his heart.)
Buffy: Umm, that is where you keep your heart, right?
Stench Demon: You...are the dark one who shall lead us...to the liiiiiight!
(As it dies A BIG CLOUD OF STENCH comes from its chest. Buffy starts gagging. Suddenly, a magical bubble appears around her.)
Willow: You stole my thing. Bored now. That was mine...when I was evil. Okay, you can have it.
Buffy: Thanks for the anti-stench bubble, Will. What do you think he meant about me leading his stinky kind?
Willow: Beats me...
(Willows eyes flash BLACK for a moment.)
TO BE CONTINUED
(Buffy is walking down a dark street.)
Buffy: I know you're following me.
Voice: What gave me away?
Buffy: The smell?
Voice: Well, I am a stench demon.
(The STENCH DEMON steps out of the shadows.)
Buffy: What do you guys actually do anyway, besides smell?
Stench Demon: We search out interesting smelling humans and add them to the stench collective.
Buffy: And how exactly do you do that?
Stench Demon: By killing them and consuming their stench.
Buffy: Classy.
Stench Demon: Don't judge me. I am what I am, just as you are.
Buffy: Yeah, but I don't smell like shit.
Stench Demon: Do you like it? I wore it just for you. It's from a slayer we killed last week in Instanbul. It took fifteen of us.
Buffy: Vi! So that's what happened to her!
Stench Demon: She shat her pants as she died. Poor creature...
Buffy: You're disgusting!
(She kicks the stench demon hard, knocking it flying into some bins.)
Stench Demon: Mmm, vomit in these bins...
(Buffy jumps. The stench demon breathes out and she falls from the air, gagging for breath.)
Buffy: What...how...
Stench Demon: That, my dear, is the stench produced by the Korpi demon. The last of their kind died out in the 18th century, so it's no surprise you don't recgonise it. Don't try to move, you should be most incapacitated for the next hour.
Buffy: I...don't understand...why were you coming after me....I don't smell.
Stench Demon: Oh but you do, oh dark one. You smell of power. You reek of it! There's no mistaking that smell, my dear. Not just any kind of power, the kind we haven't felt since...
(Buffy sweeps the stench demon's legs out from under it.)
Buffy: You speak more crap than you...smell of...okay, my quirky insult power isn't quite back at full strength, but you get the idea!
Stench Demon: You're stronger than even I gave you credit for!
Buffy: I live with Xander Harris, I've smelt things you don't even have in your collective.
(She pulls out a stake.)
Stench Demon: Wait, I was not trying to kill you...
Buffy: But you did kill Vi.
Stench Demon: She got in the way, discovered our plans...please, you must listen...
Buffy: Bored now.
(She drives the stake into his heart.)
Buffy: Umm, that is where you keep your heart, right?
Stench Demon: You...are the dark one who shall lead us...to the liiiiiight!
(As it dies A BIG CLOUD OF STENCH comes from its chest. Buffy starts gagging. Suddenly, a magical bubble appears around her.)
Willow: You stole my thing. Bored now. That was mine...when I was evil. Okay, you can have it.
Buffy: Thanks for the anti-stench bubble, Will. What do you think he meant about me leading his stinky kind?
Willow: Beats me...
(Willows eyes flash BLACK for a moment.)
TO BE CONTINUED