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Freestyle Samuel L Jackson movie

whisky

Boobie inspector
Samuel motherfucking L motherfucking Jacksons walks down the street looking cool, 12 ninjas jump out of an alleyway at him.

Unperturbed, he creases his fingertip against his comb, scoring the plastic, then flicks it in their direction, a dozen of the prongs break away from the comb and embed themselves in each of the ninja's throats, killing them immediately.

He carries on walking as if nothing had happened, tossing the rest of the comb in a conveniently placed trash can.

"Note to self, buy new comb, or shave hair, which ever looks coolest." He said, giving his reflection in a nearby window a wink.

Suddenly a car in the street goes out of control, hits a fire hydrant, and launches up in the air at him.

He leans slightly to the left, then strikes a match on the underside of the car as it sails by him, missing him by a hairs breath.

He uses the match to light a cigar that was nowhere to be seen before, while the car flies past him, and lands in the middle of a petrol tanker, causing it to explode at the exact moment he takes his first puff from the cigar.

He never looks back at the explosion, or even acknowledges its existence.

"Close, but no cigar motherfucker!", he says, stroking his chin.

A little further down the street, someone pushes a piano from a roof in his general direction.

He looks up at the piano as it falls, and says "Oh, I don't think so."

The piano halts where it is, and defying the force of gravity goes back up and lands back on the roof, squashing the guy who pushed it.

"That's more of a pian no" he says, laughing, as he tosses the cigar he has had only one puff from, across the street, where it lands in the eye of a mugger who was about to rob a sweet old lady.

He goes over to a newspaper stand, where the man behind the counter has a double barrelled shotgun pointed at him under the New York times.

Somehow sensing the attack, SLJ throws a one dollar bill into the guy's forehead, with such force it comes out the back of his skull.

"Keep the change you honkey cracker crack whore fucking mother fucking reacharound cunt nose!"

He said, before picking up a newspaper, realising he had read that one, and throwing it back in the news stand.

The news stand exploded behind him, as he admired the very large chest of a hooker across the road.


To be continued by anyone.
 
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