Freesytle Tortchwood

[whisky]

Jack: Hi, I used to be in doctor who where I was flamboyent and larger than life, now I mope about a lot in the background of what is meant to be my show, oh and I cant die, and I wear a big long coat, but I'm not copying Angel, oh no.

Gwen: I'm meant to be pretty, but that huge gap tooth thing is really distracting, plus I am falling for possibly the creepiest guy on television whos not a member of the conservative party

Owen: Shut it bitch, and drink more of this date rape stuff

Iyanto: I have no real purpose here, none at all

Asian bird: I dont do much either, but I'm going to kiss a woman next week, because there wasnt a same sex kiss last week and the average is down.

Jack: Quickly everyone, a spaceship has arrived on earth, and its chosen to land in cardif, instead of london, washington, or somewhere were people actually want to go.

Gwen: To the torchwoodmobile!

Iyanto: You mean the car from our super secret organisation with torchwood wrote in big letters on the roof, the sides, the front, the back, possibly the tires, and covered in blue flashy lights guarenteed to make people look at the car more and thus see the word torchwood?

Owen: Oh shut it arsewipe, and help me load more daterape drugs into the car

 

[headvoid]

Jack: Lets turn up at an incident in our super secret Torchwood Range Rover and SHOUT TO LOTS OF SOLDIERS AND POLICEMEN THAT WE are actually Torchwood and can do anything we want.

Owen: Can I lick a policemans truncheon? I'm feeling sexually vague.

Gwen: How come we are supposed to be secret yet everyone knows our name. Are you joking about the truncheon Owen?

Owen: Well, I meant a cock.

Gwen: Mmm, I'm attracted to the danger, yet may have a flashback at any moment to my cuckolded boyfriend

Chinese Woman: Shut up you Welsh tart, the only reason you are employed is Equal opportunities for minorities - you being ugly and welsh was a double whammy.

Ianto: Has anyone seen my Febreze? I think Jacks Coat is starting to smell

Gwen: Mmm, I am having a moral dilemma, please pay attention to me..

Jack: Can I stand on a roof for a while and think about it?

 

[whisky]

Ianto: how come this thread came out twice?

Owen: Why not, everyone else on the cast has.

 

[headvoid]

Owen: Hey Ianto - Come over here and polish my Knob *Snicker*

 

[whisky]

Chinese bird: I am only in this because they couldnt get a black bird.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

Ianto: The sexual harrassment I receive on a daily basis does nothing to spoil the pleasure of making cups of tea and collecting pizza deliveries for the people who shot to death my sex bot wife.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Gwen: Could the WEEVILS be behind this?

Jack: No.

Gwen: I know, I just have to mention them in every episode. It's a kind of arc.

Owen: I've got a kind of arc in my pants.

Gwen: I hate you!

Owen: I'd fuck you with a champagne bottle or something.

Gwen: Ooooh!

Hoshi: HELP, AN ALIEN IS SNOGGING ME!

Jack: Well snog it back, you're a big girl. Now I'll just stand back while the aliens kill everyone, even though I'm immortal.

Alien: I LOVE TO FUCK!

Ianto: Edgy!