CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(FUCK MAN walks into a bank.)
FUCK MAN: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY, FUCKERS.
Banker: Do you have a weapon?
FUCK MAN: NO, BUT I WANT ALL YOUR FUCKING MONEY, DRONES.
Banker: Well we're not going to give it to you!
FUCK MAN: WHY DO YOU COME INTO WORK EVERY DAY?
Banker: It's my job.
FUCK MAN: BUT YOU'RE JUST A DECAYING LUMP OF CARBON DESTINED TO DIE.
Banker: I can't think about that!
FUCK MAN: WHY NOT? IT'S THE TRUTH. WHY IGNORE SOMETHING THAT'S THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE IT'S UNPLEASANT? FUCKER?
Banker: Look, just get out before the police come here.
FUCK MAN: NO.
Banker: Some of us have work to do, you know.
FUCK MAN: YOU'LL JUST DIE. NOW.
(He pulls out a hidden knife.)
Banker: Okay, calm down, I'll give you the money...
FUCK MAN: NAH, I'D RATHER MURDER YOU. WANKSTAIN.
(He stabs the banker in the liver.)
FUCK MAN: DIE, DIE, IT'S ALL MEANINGLESS.
(He stabs a seventy eight year old woman in the neck.)
Woman: Argh!
FUCK MAN: IMAGINE THAT, AFTER ALL THIS TIME, YOU MUST HAVE THOUGHT LIFE WAS PERMANENT IT'S GONE ON SO LONG, BUT IT'S NOT, I'VE KILLED YOU, IT'S ALL MEAINGLESS, LAUGH OUT LOUD.
(He runs out into the street and stabs a twent year old student.)
Student: Please, please, it hurts!
FUCK MAN: SO? IT WILL STOP SOON.
(He stabs her again and she dies.)
FUCK MAN: HAHAHAHAHAHA.
(He strips off and runs down the street naked. He kicks a four year old girl over.)
Mother: My daughter!
(He kicks the mother in the stomach.)
FUCK MAN: BITCH.
(He runs away. A couple of men run after him now.)
FUCK MAN: HAHAHA.
(He jumps a fence. The men try to follow. FUCK MAN stabs the first in the eye as he tries to jumpt hen pushes him over onto the second. He loses his knife.)
FUCK MAN: SHIT, FUCK, LAUGH OUT LOUD, WHO CARES.
(He keeps running. He is in someone's garden. He pulls the back door open and runs into the house. A middle aged woman is watching Deal Or No Deal. He grabs her around the throat and squeezes.)
FUCK MAN: DIE, DIE, EVERYBODY DIE.
Woman: No, no, I've got a disabled son!
(FUCK MAN smashes her head against the tv and runs up stairs, where her 30 year old disabled so is in his wheelchair.)
Son: What happened!?
(FUCK MAN throws him down the stairs.)
FUCK MAN: HAHAHA!
(He runs down after him and stomps the son's head again and again. The door crashes open the police run in. FUCK MAN pucnhes the first in the face then starts biting him.)
FUCK MAN: FLESH, FLESH, LOVE THE TASTE, HAHAHAHA.
(A second officer hits him hard over the head with his truncheon, and again, and a third time once FUCK MAN is on the ground. A couple of officers aggressively turn him over and handcuff his arms behind his back, dislocating his shoulder as they do and breaking his right wrist. One officers looks at the dying disabled man and kicks FUCK MAN in the ribs three times before another pulls him off.)
Officer: HE SHOUL DIE!
(A MONTH LATER. FUCK MAN is in his cell. He is badly beaten. His face is expressionsless. His lawyer sits across from him.)
Lawyer: Look, I'm not going to lie, you have to plead insanity to get any kind of consideration...
FUCK MAN: I WASN'T INSANE, LAWYER CUNT.
Lawyer: Then why?
FUCK MAN: BECAUSE I WAS BORED.
(FUCK MAN, despite being cuffed to his chair, manages to lunge forward and headbutt his lawyer.)
FUCK MAN: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
THE END
FUCK MAN: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY, FUCKERS.
Banker: Do you have a weapon?
FUCK MAN: NO, BUT I WANT ALL YOUR FUCKING MONEY, DRONES.
Banker: Well we're not going to give it to you!
FUCK MAN: WHY DO YOU COME INTO WORK EVERY DAY?
Banker: It's my job.
FUCK MAN: BUT YOU'RE JUST A DECAYING LUMP OF CARBON DESTINED TO DIE.
Banker: I can't think about that!
FUCK MAN: WHY NOT? IT'S THE TRUTH. WHY IGNORE SOMETHING THAT'S THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE IT'S UNPLEASANT? FUCKER?
Banker: Look, just get out before the police come here.
FUCK MAN: NO.
Banker: Some of us have work to do, you know.
FUCK MAN: YOU'LL JUST DIE. NOW.
(He pulls out a hidden knife.)
Banker: Okay, calm down, I'll give you the money...
FUCK MAN: NAH, I'D RATHER MURDER YOU. WANKSTAIN.
(He stabs the banker in the liver.)
FUCK MAN: DIE, DIE, IT'S ALL MEANINGLESS.
(He stabs a seventy eight year old woman in the neck.)
Woman: Argh!
FUCK MAN: IMAGINE THAT, AFTER ALL THIS TIME, YOU MUST HAVE THOUGHT LIFE WAS PERMANENT IT'S GONE ON SO LONG, BUT IT'S NOT, I'VE KILLED YOU, IT'S ALL MEAINGLESS, LAUGH OUT LOUD.
(He runs out into the street and stabs a twent year old student.)
Student: Please, please, it hurts!
FUCK MAN: SO? IT WILL STOP SOON.
(He stabs her again and she dies.)
FUCK MAN: HAHAHAHAHAHA.
(He strips off and runs down the street naked. He kicks a four year old girl over.)
Mother: My daughter!
(He kicks the mother in the stomach.)
FUCK MAN: BITCH.
(He runs away. A couple of men run after him now.)
FUCK MAN: HAHAHA.
(He jumps a fence. The men try to follow. FUCK MAN stabs the first in the eye as he tries to jumpt hen pushes him over onto the second. He loses his knife.)
FUCK MAN: SHIT, FUCK, LAUGH OUT LOUD, WHO CARES.
(He keeps running. He is in someone's garden. He pulls the back door open and runs into the house. A middle aged woman is watching Deal Or No Deal. He grabs her around the throat and squeezes.)
FUCK MAN: DIE, DIE, EVERYBODY DIE.
Woman: No, no, I've got a disabled son!
(FUCK MAN smashes her head against the tv and runs up stairs, where her 30 year old disabled so is in his wheelchair.)
Son: What happened!?
(FUCK MAN throws him down the stairs.)
FUCK MAN: HAHAHA!
(He runs down after him and stomps the son's head again and again. The door crashes open the police run in. FUCK MAN pucnhes the first in the face then starts biting him.)
FUCK MAN: FLESH, FLESH, LOVE THE TASTE, HAHAHAHA.
(A second officer hits him hard over the head with his truncheon, and again, and a third time once FUCK MAN is on the ground. A couple of officers aggressively turn him over and handcuff his arms behind his back, dislocating his shoulder as they do and breaking his right wrist. One officers looks at the dying disabled man and kicks FUCK MAN in the ribs three times before another pulls him off.)
Officer: HE SHOUL DIE!
(A MONTH LATER. FUCK MAN is in his cell. He is badly beaten. His face is expressionsless. His lawyer sits across from him.)
Lawyer: Look, I'm not going to lie, you have to plead insanity to get any kind of consideration...
FUCK MAN: I WASN'T INSANE, LAWYER CUNT.
Lawyer: Then why?
FUCK MAN: BECAUSE I WAS BORED.
(FUCK MAN, despite being cuffed to his chair, manages to lunge forward and headbutt his lawyer.)
FUCK MAN: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
THE END
