Hello, I'm Noel Edmonds.

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]
[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]Hello, I'm Noel Edmonds! Over the next few pages I'm going to take you on a tour of my world. You'll experience what goes on in my life, from my highly successful television and radio work to my more personal moments. Believe me, what you're going to see is a deeply personal 'mini-autobiography' - I will not be hiding anything from you; this is going to be a no-holds barred experience! Also, keep a look out for my 'Green Noel Fact Boxes' that will pop up from time to time which also contain little bits of info about yours truly![/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]
[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]I hope you enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed making it![/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]

When I'm not on the television or presenting my hugely popular BBC Radio 1 early morning breakfast show I like to relex at home. In my garden (which is an enormous 365 acres) I like to stroll. Here you can see me in my massive garden and look! Who's this little fellow? Why, it's my pet lamb, Fluffy! I've had Fluffy the lamb now for fifteen years. Fluffy is not my only pet lamb though - I have another two which aren't in this picture. They're called Dirk and Amitriptyline.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]"ROOOAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!". Ho ho ho! Don't be alarmed fans - This isn't a wild lion, it's actually another one of my pets! Purry, as he is known, is now three years old and is fully grown. However, Purry doesn't go out hunting for his food like wild lions, oh no. In fact, I feed him on prime cuts of fillet steak and a mixture of vitamins specially formulated for lions. Eager listeners may remember the hilarious time when I took him along to my early morning breakfast show on BBC Radio 1 when he knocked my cup off coffee over and it spilt onto the corner of my show notes![/SIZE]

​

[SIZE=+1]Behind me in this picture you can just make out the eastern wing of my country mansion. My mansion has got 29 bedrooms (all of which have got on-suite facilities), 4 dining rooms (and I've got a big long table in each of them), 6 bathrooms, 2 studies, 3 wine cellars, 2 games rooms, 3 kitchens and 7 lounges. My servants live in the thirty surrounding houses that are also on[/SIZE] my estate.

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]Fucking hell! What an embarressment! You've caught me just as I've got my lorry stuck in the mud on my estate! Fortunatley, just after this photo was taken, Daniel Long, a farmer from down the road, came along in his big tractor and pulled me free. Daniel has helped me out now on several occassions and I always treat him to a slap up breakfast afterwards! I am always amazed however that even though he reckons that he's a real farmer, he doesn't seem to know much about farming - all he does is drive his big tractor around all day. He can only manage a couple of pints of beer as well - anymore than that and he's on his back lying in a pool of his own vomit. You can see a picture of the miserable bastard below!


[/SIZE]​

[SIZE=+1]

ABOVE; 'Farmer' Daniel Long, my neighbour.


[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]Ooh! Now then, who's this beauty?! Why, it's none other than Maggie Philbin. She's my wife or something. I met her when she came and joined the team of my highly popular Saturday morning BBC1 TV show 'The Multi-Coloured Swap Shop'. She's not normally in the studio though, she's normally on the outside broadcasts with Keith Chegwin. Next Saturday keep a look out fans - Maggie may be in your town with all the fun of Swap Shop!



[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]
[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]Here we are on the set of my hugely popular BBC1 Saturday morning show 'The Multi-Colour Swap Shop'. With me and Maggie is my pet cow, Minitrude. I have always been a big fan of the BBC television show The Magic Roundabout, and of course, an admirer of that most clear thinking females, Ermintrude. Therefore, it was without hesitation that the new arrival to my huge collection of pets should be named likewise (of course, she's only a tiny cow so that's where the 'Mini' bit came in!).[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1]When she first came into the studio she behaved beautifully - even the cameras and lights didn't bother her, and her big brown eyes melted even the stoniest heart! A flood of letters from Minitrude fans arrived in the office on the following Monday, demanding to see more of Mini![/SIZE]


[SIZE=+1]
[/SIZE]

 

[Mentalist]

[SIZE=+1]Swap Shop wouldn't be Swap Shop of course without your friend and mine, Posh Paws! Here I'm asking Posh Paws if he has had a good week. He didn't answer though because he's only a stuffed toy.[/SIZE]

 

[Ishcabittle]

Noel has a butt-cut lol.

 

[Tisiphone]

He looks like Malachi.

 

[Gagh]

Clearly the best thread of all time.