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Heroine

Ilyanna

moral imperfection
I am. A true heroic act was committed yesterday in a small apt. in Germany, when former arachnophobic Ilyanna Y. managed to capture the fucking mother of spiders in a glass bowl and released it into the wilderness that is a small village garden in Lower Saxony. The arachnid was reported to not having been harmed during the rescue mission, while Ms. Y. only suffered mild shivers (not the good kind) from the encounter.

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She (spiders are female in German) was in my bed room. You can imagine how crucial it was for me to get her before she fled under my bed. It's not a good idea to wake the boyfriend in the middle of the fucking night and tell him that he would have to come over and pick me up for an overnight due to a completely harmless, bug eating spidey under my bed. And no, not even the best bj in the fucking world would make him consider getting out of his bed and drive 40 min for that.
 
Spiders are a sign of a healthy home.
Uh-huh. They are totally invited to come in, have a look around my perfectly healthy home, and then get THE FUCK OUT on their own.
(Actually, the ones that do webs are completely welcome. It's those creepy ones hiding in dark corners and then running around on the floor the second my bare feet touch it are the ones that better get THE FUCK OUT.

How do you say blowjob in German?
Well, according to bf, preferrably with a full mouth.
 
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