Conchaga
Let's fuck some shit up
Just got done watching the five movies and six seasons of the show. Not gonna waste my time with The Raven, but if I ever become really masochistic and curious I might. Anyway, seasons 1, 2, and 6 are total crap. Season three was halfway decent. Seasons four and five are pretty good for 90's fantasy scifi tv.
My main point of contention is the fact that the writers were incredibly sadistic fucks when it came to the character Joe Dawson. This guy gets drafted into going to Vietnam, where his legs get blown off. Due to his legs getting exploded to bits, he never regains the confidence to seek the love of his life. He gets to join the watchers tho. Who over several episodes shoot him, cause him to be estranged from his illegitimate daughter, attempt to execute him at least three times, and eventually shun him. He's constantly at an ethical turmoil between upholding his oath to not interfere with immortals and his friendship with Duncan, Amanda, Richie, and Methos. In one episode this conflict comes to a head when it causes the death of both a mortal and immortal friend. He often chooses the moral path, but constantly gets smacked around physically and emotionally for doing so. His long-lost girlfriend reappears, makes love to him, giving him hope that he might finally be happy with a woman; but she screws him harder by revealing that she was married and had kids the whole time and doesn't intend to leave them for him. What a kick in the nuts! His execution by his friends the watchers is interrupted with him getting shot for the third time.
When his friend Duncan kills his other friend Richie, he's stuck with the responsibility of burying him alone. This is after the fact that Duncan nearly killed Richie once before, and being the holier than thou mentor he buggers off, leaving Joe to pick up the pieces. Meanwhile, the devil tempts Joe to betray Duncan by offering him his legs back. Like an idiot he refuses. This bit was especially gutwrenching because the actor who plays Joe actually doesn't have any legs! You could tell that he wasn't really acting with his despair at one point.
Oh, did I mention that he was taken hostage by at least two immortals in order to be used as bait against Duncan? The only really good thing Duncan ever does for the guy is kill the man who killed Joe's only other steady girlfriend.
In the last movie, he's the second character to die. WITH DUNCAN'S BROKEN SWORD!!!! With his last breath he tells Duncan how much he loved him, blah, blah, blah... It takes him three times as long to die with a sword in his chest than it takes the average immortal to die with one gunshot to the gut or ass or foot.
Other highlights:
- One 2000 year-old mummified non-batshit insane woman from ancient Egypt whose English is as perfect as her ass. I really should stress just how perfect her ass is. Coincidentally she gets killed within a few days of being released from her imprisonment.
- Methos and Fitzcairn are easily the funniest characters who constantly kick Duncan in the balls verbally.
- Amanda's raging hot body and sublime tits.
- More flashbacks than a JJ Abrams show.
- Enough tai chi to make an instructional video if pasted end to end.
- lastly, Amanda's tits. Holy fuck are they amazing!
Other than that, I'd give the show a solid 6.5, and question what all the hype was about. OMG LIGHTNING AND FIREWORKS IN EVERY SHOW! No thanks. I'd rather go to epcott every weekend.
Amanda's TITS!
My main point of contention is the fact that the writers were incredibly sadistic fucks when it came to the character Joe Dawson. This guy gets drafted into going to Vietnam, where his legs get blown off. Due to his legs getting exploded to bits, he never regains the confidence to seek the love of his life. He gets to join the watchers tho. Who over several episodes shoot him, cause him to be estranged from his illegitimate daughter, attempt to execute him at least three times, and eventually shun him. He's constantly at an ethical turmoil between upholding his oath to not interfere with immortals and his friendship with Duncan, Amanda, Richie, and Methos. In one episode this conflict comes to a head when it causes the death of both a mortal and immortal friend. He often chooses the moral path, but constantly gets smacked around physically and emotionally for doing so. His long-lost girlfriend reappears, makes love to him, giving him hope that he might finally be happy with a woman; but she screws him harder by revealing that she was married and had kids the whole time and doesn't intend to leave them for him. What a kick in the nuts! His execution by his friends the watchers is interrupted with him getting shot for the third time.
When his friend Duncan kills his other friend Richie, he's stuck with the responsibility of burying him alone. This is after the fact that Duncan nearly killed Richie once before, and being the holier than thou mentor he buggers off, leaving Joe to pick up the pieces. Meanwhile, the devil tempts Joe to betray Duncan by offering him his legs back. Like an idiot he refuses. This bit was especially gutwrenching because the actor who plays Joe actually doesn't have any legs! You could tell that he wasn't really acting with his despair at one point.
Oh, did I mention that he was taken hostage by at least two immortals in order to be used as bait against Duncan? The only really good thing Duncan ever does for the guy is kill the man who killed Joe's only other steady girlfriend.
In the last movie, he's the second character to die. WITH DUNCAN'S BROKEN SWORD!!!! With his last breath he tells Duncan how much he loved him, blah, blah, blah... It takes him three times as long to die with a sword in his chest than it takes the average immortal to die with one gunshot to the gut or ass or foot.
Other highlights:
- One 2000 year-old mummified non-batshit insane woman from ancient Egypt whose English is as perfect as her ass. I really should stress just how perfect her ass is. Coincidentally she gets killed within a few days of being released from her imprisonment.
- Methos and Fitzcairn are easily the funniest characters who constantly kick Duncan in the balls verbally.
- Amanda's raging hot body and sublime tits.
- More flashbacks than a JJ Abrams show.
- Enough tai chi to make an instructional video if pasted end to end.
- lastly, Amanda's tits. Holy fuck are they amazing!
Other than that, I'd give the show a solid 6.5, and question what all the hype was about. OMG LIGHTNING AND FIREWORKS IN EVERY SHOW! No thanks. I'd rather go to epcott every weekend.
Amanda's TITS!