starguard
Unluckiest Charm in the Box
These are some "suggestions" that were posted on another website that I thought you guys might enjoy 
Have fun ladies
1. when you get home from work...dont take too much time setting your suitcase down and getting comfy..your wife has been shopping, hanging with the girls all day, and spending all your hard earned money. dont you think shes EXHAUSTED! get in the fucking kitchen and make her dinner!
2. while you're waiting for dinner to finish...call her into the living room. turn it on Lifetime. warm some lotion in your hands and give her a foot massage. after all..Manolo Blahnik heels are NOT a girls best friend...and she has been shopping all day, remember.
3. after dinner is finished..make sure you do all the dishes for her. she just got a beautiful $50 manicure today with your credit card and you wouldn't want her to ruin that, would you? ps..no dish washers allowed. she hates the spots. they make her nervous.
4. if you'd like to offer her dessert...dont make it. guys arent that great with desserts..and wouldnt she rather be taken to a fancy little bistro somewhere in the city? you wanna see your beautiful wife smile, dont you? on the way to the cafe, stop at Zales. nothing like an "i'm home and at your service, honey" diamond pinky ring to top your wifes perfect day off.
5. at the cafe..be picky about where you sit. if your wife doesnt like where she's been sat..you must raise hell about it and get her a better seat. if shes too cool or too warm, she may get very very cranky..and your chances of getting some tonite suck anyways..because you forgot to stop at Zales. fucking idiot.
6. when you get home..run her a nice hot bubble bath. hook the radio up in the bathroom. put in her Lilith Fair cd. please do not sing along. while she's soaking... do something special for the kids. let them ride your back. let them throw hard objects at your head. they think its funny..and isnt it worth it to see them laugh?
7. dont forget to offer to wash her back.
8. when she gets out..lotion her back..massage her. shes had a hell of a day with the girls. give her the remote. like i said...shes cranky already. dont push it by turning on wrestling.
9. dont touch her. dont act like you want sex. she wont give it to you if you piss her off and get too eager. if she is horny..she will initiate it. if she is not horny..go to the bathroom after she falls asleep and jerk yourself off. theres always tomorrow nite. but this time..dont forget the fucking diamond.
10. in the morning, wake her up..call her Sleeping Beauty..bring her the silk robe she bought yesterday. feed the kids and do the morning house work while she relaxes with the cup of coffee and Belgian waffles you just made her. dont do the sugar and cream yourself though..guys suck at that. fetch her the newspaper. or cosmo if she prefers.
11. dont forget to leave her a love note with a few hundred dollars on the desk before you take off for work.
Have fun ladies
1. when you get home from work...dont take too much time setting your suitcase down and getting comfy..your wife has been shopping, hanging with the girls all day, and spending all your hard earned money. dont you think shes EXHAUSTED! get in the fucking kitchen and make her dinner!
2. while you're waiting for dinner to finish...call her into the living room. turn it on Lifetime. warm some lotion in your hands and give her a foot massage. after all..Manolo Blahnik heels are NOT a girls best friend...and she has been shopping all day, remember.
3. after dinner is finished..make sure you do all the dishes for her. she just got a beautiful $50 manicure today with your credit card and you wouldn't want her to ruin that, would you? ps..no dish washers allowed. she hates the spots. they make her nervous.
4. if you'd like to offer her dessert...dont make it. guys arent that great with desserts..and wouldnt she rather be taken to a fancy little bistro somewhere in the city? you wanna see your beautiful wife smile, dont you? on the way to the cafe, stop at Zales. nothing like an "i'm home and at your service, honey" diamond pinky ring to top your wifes perfect day off.
5. at the cafe..be picky about where you sit. if your wife doesnt like where she's been sat..you must raise hell about it and get her a better seat. if shes too cool or too warm, she may get very very cranky..and your chances of getting some tonite suck anyways..because you forgot to stop at Zales. fucking idiot.
6. when you get home..run her a nice hot bubble bath. hook the radio up in the bathroom. put in her Lilith Fair cd. please do not sing along. while she's soaking... do something special for the kids. let them ride your back. let them throw hard objects at your head. they think its funny..and isnt it worth it to see them laugh?
7. dont forget to offer to wash her back.
8. when she gets out..lotion her back..massage her. shes had a hell of a day with the girls. give her the remote. like i said...shes cranky already. dont push it by turning on wrestling.
9. dont touch her. dont act like you want sex. she wont give it to you if you piss her off and get too eager. if she is horny..she will initiate it. if she is not horny..go to the bathroom after she falls asleep and jerk yourself off. theres always tomorrow nite. but this time..dont forget the fucking diamond.
10. in the morning, wake her up..call her Sleeping Beauty..bring her the silk robe she bought yesterday. feed the kids and do the morning house work while she relaxes with the cup of coffee and Belgian waffles you just made her. dont do the sugar and cream yourself though..guys suck at that. fetch her the newspaper. or cosmo if she prefers.
11. dont forget to leave her a love note with a few hundred dollars on the desk before you take off for work.
Yes, stay away from those Goa'ould bitches. :bigass:
