This is the truth.
I spend a lot of time writing music.
But honestly, it's not very good music. It's OK, you can like it if you're trying to. But it's not just GOOD ya know?
BUT I can tell you this, I have learned very much just by practicing and not giving up. People (like a friend or my wife) will listen to a song and go, "that's not very good" or something and then I'm like FUCK WHAT AM I DOING!!??
Really what I'm doing, I think, is learning a craft slowly, piece by piece. And I have to have faith in that process. That by practicing this, I increase my chances of really capturing something great. There are geniuses out there (people who write amazingly well at young ages etc)... But I think there are also artisans, and that's how I view my progress.
I may not be the most gifted artist out there, but with my hard work and having faith in the process of trying to create over and over... Well, I think it just pays off. Somehow, someway. I have to think that these trials help me go to the places I want to go to, even if nobody else really understands it. Even if everyone else laughs and says I'm just wasting my time. Because you know what? I'm a fucking artist. So fuck you!
That's what it comes down to. I will listen to the criticisms and sometimes learn from them if there are good suggestions in there. But I will not listen to anybody who questions that I should be doing this. I have drive, not for fame or money or anything (most I would ever do is sell my songs to other people, for them to sing). I have drive to scratch this itch. That's it. To scratch this itch and to do it as well as I can.
I'm kinda drunk.