I could take a pill

[Mirah]

Maybe this is what being content feels like
if only
just for a few moments
I felt so good
I feel so fucking good
but my back still hurts a little
and I will feel restless
trying to go to sleep
so I thought
"I could take a pill"
and then I thought,
"I could take so many"
then I would not wake up
but it wasn't out of
hatred
or fear
or sadness
it was
really
out
of
laziness
and
contentment
and
a
little
bit
of
selfishness
but then
I realized
this
is
what
it feels like
this
is
why
they
do
it
maybe
I'm not sure
But really, for a moment I got a glimpse into the happiness, the contentment, its okay if they die thing. I understood.
It was a peace too

What the fuck was in that food I ate tonight?
Just kidding
I have no idea where these thoughts came from really.

 

[Mirah]

Somebody offered me a house that I feel like I don't deserve.

A lady is kicking me out where I currently live (she gave me time to move/I am being slightly dramatic-but really the other day she says, "You don't have to stay the whole time")

Its like I feel like, "How the fuck do I get into these situations?

How the fuck do I think that living with others will be a neat idea and people will be normal fucking human beings?!?!? or that they won't think I am completely fucked up or abnormal or something.

And then this
A house
All on my own
My own fucking place
and my uncle asks, "Are you going to get a roommate?"
FUCK NO!
Jesus Christ I think I will finally love being on my own again.
Fuck people!
LOL

I feel like I got really lucky for the time being, I thought I was lucky last year
So now I am concentrating on getting a better career, and or going back to school once again-
maybe this time for computer science or something,
or some kind of fucking trade school
I don't know.


just ramblings

 

[Mirah]

I did not wake up peacefully.
I am going to have to fix that.

 

[CaptainWacky]

the drugs don't work
they just make you worse

 

[Mirah]

Not if you don't wake up. Then it is better!

 

[Mirah]

My work is becoming increasingly frustrating.
He says he hired someone to take care of all web advertising, as he likes to say it. The web.
He has a family member in charge of the social network sites, so they can feel involved but they do nothing.
And
Ugh

 

[CaptainWacky]

Don't go to sleep without waking up!

 

[Mirah]

I will put my head upon the pillow tonight
and
think
about
such things