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I don't Like

Mirah

Mirah

I love you
Introductions.
I hate them.
I hate introductions.
They suck.
I hate introducing myself.
I used to be so good at it.
Now I suck.
Maybe that is what I should say.
Even that would suck.
You suck, we suck we all suck.
What the fuck
What do I say?
I fucking hate introducing myself.
 
One mother fucker was like, "I volunteer in third world countries, I married a beatiful wife who is a college instructor, I have golden spoons up my ass and the snot coming out of my nose is like copper and people mine it and I'm so lucky and aren't you jealous yet?

HE ACTUALLY SAID, "ARE YOU JEALOUS YET"

WTF
 
And then that bitch who pretended to be my friend last quarter and then she wasn't. She is in this class too. And now I have to look at her pretty ugly face. She is really hot and has a nice rack but she doesn't want you to touch it but she just got married so someone might be touching it that stupid bastard probably gave her his balls.
 
She is like, "I just got married and have a beautiful 4 year old and I want to help the less fortunate and I have so many dreams and inspirations and I drive a BMW and I used to sell my body for gold and

Whatever
 
I'd be like, "The last time that snotnosed guy went to a third world country I fucked his hot wife. Also my hobby is taking voyeuristic incriminating photos and videos of people I take classes with. I have three from this room already."
 
I'd be like -

"Hey, I have something really neat I want to show you. It's just around back here...What's that? Oh yeah of course you can trust me"

Off to the races.
 
Mirah said:
One mother fucker was like, "I volunteer in third world countries, I married a beatiful wife who is a college instructor, I have golden spoons up my ass and the snot coming out of my nose is like copper and people mine it and I'm so lucky and aren't you jealous yet?

HE ACTUALLY SAID, "ARE YOU JEALOUS YET"

WTF
Click to expand...

What a douche.
 
The first post is a great introduction. I WANT TO MEET YOU!

People who "introduce" themselves generally are snotty nosed no marks. It's a presumption that you are particularly interested in them which is arrogant.
 
You had me @ "are you jealous yet"

I would've snorted rudely from laughing so hard.
 
Usually when people like that begin speaking I pointedly stare at my watch or my phone for a minute until people begin to notice, then slowly raise my hand or say "Excuse me." Then when all eyes are on me I say, "I think I'm having a problem with my give-a-fuck-ometer. The needle hasn't moved in over ten minutes (or however long the blowhard has been speaking) You think it might be broken?"
 
For those pesky introductions social life is so fond of, I usually just say "Hi, I am Ilyanna*, and I am LOUD", and enjoy the ensuing awkward silence.


*of course I am using my real name there, not Ilyanna. That would be just stupid
 
^shhhh, don't blow my cover Dr Dave!

For Dr Dave's eyes only:
Of course that's my real name, but I can't very well let ppl on the internet know, can I? It'd be reckless! So I am just pretending to have another name, okay?
 
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