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I want to be an asshole

This song is for you

I'm an Asshole

(spoken)
Folks, I’d like to sing a song about the American dream.
About you, about me. About the way our American hearts beat
Way down in the bottom of our chests.

About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts,
Maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area,
Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon - I don’t know.

(singing)
I’m just a regular Joe, with a regular job.
I’m your average white, suburbanite slob.
I like football, and porno, and books about war.
I’ve got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor.

My wife, and my job, my kids and my car,
My feet on my table - and a cuban cigar.

But sometimes that’s just not enough,
To keep a man like me interested!
(Oh no! No way! Uh uh!)

No, I gotta go out and have fun,
At someone else’s expense!
(Oh yeah! Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!)

I drive really slow, in the ultra-fast lane,
While people, behind me, are goin’ insane!

I’m an asshole! (He’s an asshole!) I’m an asshole!
I’m an asshole! (He’s a asshole! Such an asshole!)

I use public toilets, and I piss on the seats.
I walk around in the summertime sayin’ “How about this heat?â€

I’m an asshole! (He’s an asshole! What an asshole!)
I’m an asshole! (He’s the world’s biggest asshole!)

And sometimes I park, in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people, make handicapped faces!

I’m an asshole! (He’s an asshole!) I’m an asshole!
I’m an asshole! (He’s a real fucking asshole!)

Maybe I shouldn’t be singin’ this song -
Ranting and raving and carrying on.
Maybe they’re right when they tell me I’m wrong.
. . . NAHHHHH!

I’m an asshole! (He’s an asshole! What an asshole!)
I’m an asshole! (He’s the world’s biggest asshole!)

(spoken)
You know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna get myself a 1967 El Dorado convertible -
Hot pink! With whale-skin hubcaps, an all-leather cow interior,
and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights! Yeah!
And I’m gonna drive down the highway at 100 miles an hour,
Gettin’ one mile per gallon, wolfin’ down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds
That come in those old-fashioned, non-biodegradeable styrofoam containers.
And when I’m done suckin’ down those greaseball burgers,
I’m gonna throw the containers right out the side,
And wipe my mouth on the American flag, and there’s not a God-damn thing anybody can do about it!
You know why? Two words - nuclear fuckin’ weapons!
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want,
They can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tiennamen Square
And it won’t make a lick of difference, because we got the bombs. Okay?
John Wayne’s not dead, he’s frozen! And when we find a cure for cancer,
We’re gonna thaw’r out the Duke and he’s gonna be pretty pissed off!
You know how pissed the Duke’s gonna be? Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by fifteen million and that’s how pissed the Duke’s gonna be.
I’m gonna get the Duke, and Lee Marvin, and John Casavetti and a case of Whiskey,
And I’m gonna drive down to Texas -

(Hey! Hey! Hey! HEY! You know you really are an asshole?)
Why don’t ya just shut up and sing the song pal?

(sung)
I’m an asshole! (I’m an asshole!) I’m an ashole!
I’m an asshole! (He’s the world’s biggest asshole!)

A, S, S, H, O, L, E!
Everybody! A, S, S, H, O, L, E!
(trail into non-vocal chanting and barking)

(spoken)
I’m an asshole, and I’m proud of it!
 
Asshole

by Gene Simmons

You think that you're so cool
That you're nobody's fool
But you've got a personality (yeah)
Just like a bucket full of pee

[Chorus]
How does it feel
To be a real... Asshole
You're such a creep
You look like a sheep (ba-baah)... Asshole

You know you've got no shame
And you've got such a stupid name
And one day you'll finally shut your trap
'Cause you are the cream of the crap

[Chorus]

Asshole...
Asshole...
You're such an asshole...

You always look like an idiot
This may be news for you
You are the king of all stupidness
Maybe I'm an asshole too
Maybe I'm an asshole too
Just like you

You're such an asshole...

[Chorus 2X]

You're such an asshole...
Maybe I'm an asshole too
Maybe I'm an asshole too
 
RuReddy said:
I'm an Asshole

(spoken)
Folks, I’d like to sing a song about the American dream.
About you, about me. About the way our American hearts beat
Way down in the bottom of our chests.

About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts,
Maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area,
Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon - I don’t know.

(singing)
I’m just a regular Joe, with a regular job.
I’m your average white, suburbanite slob.
I like football, and porno, and books about war.
I’ve got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor.

My wife, and my job, my kids and my car,
My feet on my table - and a cuban cigar.

But sometimes that’s just not enough,
To keep a man like me interested!
(Oh no! No way! Uh uh!)

No, I gotta go out and have fun,
At someone else’s expense!
(Oh yeah! Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!)

I drive really slow, in the ultra-fast lane,
While people, behind me, are goin’ insane!

I’m an asshole! (He’s an asshole!) I’m an asshole!
I’m an asshole! (He’s a asshole! Such an asshole!)

I use public toilets, and I piss on the seats.
I walk around in the summertime sayin’ “How about this heat?â€

I’m an asshole! (He’s an asshole! What an asshole!)
I’m an asshole! (He’s the world’s biggest asshole!)

And sometimes I park, in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people, make handicapped faces!

I’m an asshole! (He’s an asshole!) I’m an asshole!
I’m an asshole! (He’s a real fucking asshole!)

Maybe I shouldn’t be singin’ this song -
Ranting and raving and carrying on.
Maybe they’re right when they tell me I’m wrong.
. . . NAHHHHH!

I’m an asshole! (He’s an asshole! What an asshole!)
I’m an asshole! (He’s the world’s biggest asshole!)

(spoken)
You know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna get myself a 1967 El Dorado convertible -
Hot pink! With whale-skin hubcaps, an all-leather cow interior,
and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights! Yeah!
And I’m gonna drive down the highway at 100 miles an hour,
Gettin’ one mile per gallon, wolfin’ down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds
That come in those old-fashioned, non-biodegradeable styrofoam containers.
And when I’m done suckin’ down those greaseball burgers,
I’m gonna throw the containers right out the side,
And wipe my mouth on the American flag, and there’s not a God-damn thing anybody can do about it!
You know why? Two words - nuclear fuckin’ weapons!
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want,
They can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tiennamen Square
And it won’t make a lick of difference, because we got the bombs. Okay?
John Wayne’s not dead, he’s frozen! And when we find a cure for cancer,
We’re gonna thaw’r out the Duke and he’s gonna be pretty pissed off!
You know how pissed the Duke’s gonna be? Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by fifteen million and that’s how pissed the Duke’s gonna be.
I’m gonna get the Duke, and Lee Marvin, and John Casavetti and a case of Whiskey,
And I’m gonna drive down to Texas -

(Hey! Hey! Hey! HEY! You know you really are an asshole?)
Why don’t ya just shut up and sing the song pal?

(sung)
I’m an asshole! (I’m an asshole!) I’m an ashole!
I’m an asshole! (He’s the world’s biggest asshole!)

A, S, S, H, O, L, E!
Everybody! A, S, S, H, O, L, E!
(trail into non-vocal chanting and barking)

(spoken)
I’m an asshole, and I’m proud of it!
Click to expand...

Damn. I own the video of that song. Well done RUDEDDY.
 
alyson-ray-asshole-E078.jpg
 
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