I'm Captain Obvious.

[Captain Obvious]

I require respite and welcome, I have journeyed far. My name is Captain Obvious and I bid you good tidings.

 

[Anubis]

So, are you a real person or not?

 

[Captain Obvious]

I am a real person, though my identity must be kept secret lest the hordes of the underdark led by none other than General Chaotics and his motley crew of coyboy-warrior-monkeys try to inact vengence on my daywalker shoes.

 

[Anubis]

Okay but you're a person posting here with the Captain Obvious persona, right?

 

[Captain Obvious]

I don't quite follow, good sir.

 

[Anubis]

You've signed onto an internet forum with the avatar and nick "captain obvious," and stated you have "journeyed far." You are a real person, right?

 

[Captain Obvious]

Yes, I am real, sir. We've established that. Can I perhaps speak to the ones that look after you?

 

[Anubis]

I don't follow you. You just stated that:

I am a real person, though my identity must be kept secret lest the hordes of the underdark led by none other than General Chaotics and his motley crew of coyboy-warrior-monkeys try to inact vengence on my daywalker shoes.

yet you imply that I am in need of care.

Can you just answer the question?

 

[Captain Obvious]

Yes, once again sir, despite my weariness from travelling I will once again state that I am real, sir.

 

[Anubis]

Where did you come from? You don't sound human.

 

[Captain Obvious]

I am from Earth, and I was not aware that I was making any noise, sir.

 

[Anubis]

Yes, I am real, sir. We've established that. Can I perhaps speak to the ones that look after you?

I don't remember us speaking, either.

Now then: Are you human?

 

[Captain Obvious]

Technically, yes sir. One of the better ones I might add.

 

[Anubis]

And you've seen General Chaotic's coyboy-warrior-monkeys with your own eyes?

 

[Captain Obvious]

Yes, sir. Terrifying and very evil.

 

[Anubis]

And do most humans see evil, terrifying coyboy-warrior-monkeys before their very eyes?

 

[Anubis]

Is this what you see? Do they attack in mobs, or . . ?

 

[Captain Obvious]

Not ones that are alive anymore, no. I am Captain Obvious though, the cosmic balance, the only one that can stand up to General Chaotic and whatever he has to offer. I am a superhero, sir.

 

[Colonel Kira's Left Tit]

Are you the Captain Obvious from TrekBBS or just another random Captain Obvious, Captain Obvious?

 

[Anubis]

You're not making any sense. You said you were human, and that you were fighting coyboy-warrior-monkeys, yet you said that ugly dog looks like them.

I don't get it. First you're a human, then you're a superhero . . .

Can you just start from the beginning? Just break it down for me, once and for all.