IN THIS THREAD I WILL POST POSTS..

[Dual]

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[Mentalist]

No, if we were to meet face to face, I'd try to get away from you.

Probably smart.

I wouldn't say freak out, I'd not say anything at all. I stand in the back and try to go unnoticed.

You want to be left alone, you want to be invisible or you just have to becuase you're afraid of the alternative?

Yes, yes, we all feel this way. Huh. That's why they thought I was fucking mentally retarded in the second grade because I couldn't form a single sentence.

Have you been to the doctor, are you on medication right now? Thats pretty serious form of social anxiety.

Yeah, and I'm not going to be this was forever. Some day, I'll be better. I'll marry a woman and have a son or a daughter.

Will you? Are you sure? some day seems pretty non-commital, you have aplan to overcome this or you just hope?

What does conforming have to do with anything? Fuck, dude. Seriously.

LOL, it has EVERYTHING to do with it. You must want to conform to the social ideal or you wouldn't care about how you come across to people.

Um, okay.

Indded it is. For me.

Have you tried crushing your nads in public while going days without saying a single word to another human being?

No idea what your on about to be honest but if you mean solitary, heh, I went a month and a half without uttering a single word to anyone or leaving my room for more than food and water and to use the restroom. It was fucking great.

Yeah, people sure do like it when a freak hobbles over to them and groans at them, grimacing. That's about the best I can muster in public.

Yet, you want to get married have kids ect.. All those things are desires of yours. Meaning at some point you are going to have to change just about everything about your soical personality.

And do you think I don't realize that it's irrational and false? DOes that stop me from fucking vomiting because my stomach cramps up for almost the entire duration that I'm out and about?

Are you undergoing therapy right now? Do you take medication to eleviate symptoms. There must be a root fo it. Its not all just nurons misfiring. There is a psychological root to it all. You're not mad, your not stupid so what is it? An inferiorty complex what, what is it, help me understand?

That's just what they want you to think! They produce all these examples of paranoia and schizophrenia to throw you off the trail! LOL!

You're not schizophrenic.

 

[Black Feathers]

Probably smart.

I'd definitely try to avoid you if you were a very attractive woman.

You want to be left alone, you want to be invisible or you just have to becuase you're afraid of the alternative?

See man, it's like this. When I see someone approaching me, it feels like I'm being stabbed. I get all this adrenaline flooded into my system, and my stomach feels like it's trying to twist its way out.

I avoid them because I know what would happen if I tried to speak. I'd speak in a quick whisper, slurring my words, sometimes adding little lisping sounds to the ends of 'em.

Have you been to the doctor, are you on medication right now? Thats pretty serious form of social anxiety.

Nah, but I've been meaning to look up some in my area.

Will you? Are you sure? some day seems pretty non-commital, you have aplan to overcome this or you just hope?

Well, see, that's part of the problem. I'm partly afraid to go to the doctor, out of the fact that I'll severly embarass myself and I also don't want to reveal any of this to a person, face to face.

LOL, it has EVERYTHING to do with it. You must want to conform to the social ideal or you wouldn't care about how you come across to people.

Huh. I guess the social ideal is to be not mentally retarded? ;P

Indded it is. For me.

Yes!

No idea what your on about to be honest but if you mean solitary, heh, I went a month and a half without uttering a single word to anyone or leaving my room for more than food and water and to use the restroom. It was fucking great.

Yeah, but before and after this you got to talk to friends. There has been no reprieve for me, but that sounded really self-pitying and slightly pretentious.

Yet, you want to get married have kids ect.. All those things are desires of yours. Meaning at some point you are going to have to change just about everything about your soical personality.

No, I want to have the personality I have now, when I'm alone. Like, right now, I have no anxiety. I can be myself(which is a bit of an arrogant jerk). When I'm around people, I'm a completely different person. I just want to be the me that I'm now always.

Are you undergoing therapy right now? Do you take medication to eleviate symptoms. There must be a root fo it. Its not all just nurons misfiring.

Why couldn't it be? My grandfather and dad are in a similar way, but not to the extreme that I am.

There is a psychological root to it all. You're not mad, your not stupid so what is it? An inferiorty complex what, what is it, help me understand?

Yeah, I suppose there is a psychological root, in conjunction with the physical/chemical.

Let's see here... Both of my parents were on and off drugs over a period of about twenty years, nine of which coincided with my existence, I was sexually assualted in a bathroom as a kid by a black guy, beaten by mom because she briefly went mad from a brain tumor that had been affecting her brain's chemistry(she's now epileptic), but then she was still quite a freak even after it had been removed, what with the whole breaking windows, kicking doors, calling me denegrating names nearly my entire life(you goddamn retard, you bastard, even a retard could do better than you, shit like that)..

Dad left when I was ten, came back a year later.. Beaten unconscious when I was fourteen or fifteen, had to have facial reconstructive surgery.

You're not schizophrenic.

I know!

 

[Mentalist]

Yeah, I suppose there is a psychological root, in conjunction with the physical/chemical.

Let's see here... Both of my parents were on and off drugs over a period of about twenty years, nine of which coincided with my existence, I was sexually assualted in a bathroom as a kid by a black guy, beaten by mom because she briefly went mad from a brain tumor that had been affecting her brain's chemistry(she's now epileptic), but then she was still quite a freak even after it had been removed, what with the whole breaking windows, kicking doors, calling me denegrating names nearly my entire life(you goddamn retard, you bastard, even a retard could do better than you, shit like that)..

Dad left when I was ten, came back a year later.. Beaten unconscious when I was fourteen or fifteen, had to have facial reconstructive surgery.

Ok man, I think I can see your situation a little clearer now. For you not to be affected by all that stuff would be impossible. No wonder you have issues with people, doesn't sound like you had a very stable upbringing. I would seriously reccommend you go see a doctor. At the very least they can give you something to alleviate anxiety. You might benefit from some seratonin treatment as well. They are technically anti-depressents but they are not addictive or mood altering. They will make you feel better about yourself and more confident.

Ask your doctor about Cypromil. I would also suggest you go see a therapist, a doctor will get you one, its not a big deal either, its just someone to get the shit laid on the table and get you moving forward with some actual perspective. I am obviously not a professional but its pretty clear that you would gain from going to the doctor, seriously.

You can't keep going on feeling physically ill in social encounters. Its not healthy for your mind or body.

Getting sexually molested must have caused some deep psychological damage, how could it not? I would say your otherwise cheery attitude is rather remarkable considering. Having so much violence imparted on you must have made you rather desensitized as well, I wouldn't be suprised if this manifested itself in what others would call odd behaviour. Basically having that sort of a childhood is likley to have caused all sorts of social insecurites and oddities. Trust is probably out the window as well, but I'm only speculating of course.

You said you had reconstructive sugery, are you scarred or did you get a good surgeon? Are you insecure about your looks because of it?

I would say go to the doctor just to get something to make life a little less like an anxiety trip. I suffered from MAJOR depression about three years back, it was intense, I got so bad once that I was stuck in the corner watching the news convinced that I was going to die from something crazy at any moment, like my body was just going to shut down. I had no choice but to crawl out of the house and sort it out. So I am no stranger, I was on anti-depressants for six months. Of course I triggered everything for being a drug abuser and ruining my mental faculties through things like cocain, extasy, alchohol, lsd, pure mdma and a host of other nasty things. I lost all sense of perspective and the chemical imbalance was so serious I was basically an invalid because of my own excentuated emotions.

I had to deal with it, I remember being on a train and just freaking out, convinced we were going ot crash or I was going got get run over as soon as I got off. I was out of it man. Now that all seems like a completley different life. I am nothing like that whatsoever. That was my darkest time. Medication, go and get some, therapy as well. You shouldn't be going through such a living nightmare every time you approach a cute girl or try and strike up casual conversation.

The whole friends thing gets me because people are people, everyone is different, its just about sharing time with another person. You just have to find the right person.

 

[Black Feathers]

Geez, man, you've written quite a bit here. :shock:

Ok man, I think I can see your situation a little clearer now. For you not to be affected by all that stuff would be impossible. No wonder you have issues with people, doesn't sound like you had a very stable upbringing. I would seriously reccommend you go see a doctor. At the very least they can give you something to alleviate anxiety. You might benefit from some seratonin treatment as well. They are technically anti-depressents but they are not addictive or mood altering. They will make you feel better about yourself and more confident.

Ask your doctor about Cypromil. I would also suggest you go see a therapist, a doctor will get you one, its not a big deal either, its just someone to get the shit laid on the table and get you moving forward with some actual perspective. I am obviously not a professional but its pretty clear that you would gain from going to the doctor, seriously.

You can't keep going on feeling physically ill in social encounters. Its not healthy for your mind or body.

Yeah, I know, that's the smart way to do things.

Getting sexually molested must have caused some deep psychological damage, how could it not?

I wasn't molested, sorry if I gave that impression. What happened was, I was pissing at a urinal, some black guy comes in wearing dirty clothes, saddles up to the urinal next to mine, says, "Hey kid, check this out", I turn, and the guy's got his dick out. He kinda laughs and half-heartedly reaches for me or something, I run out the door.

I would say your otherwise cheery attitude is rather remarkable considering. Having so much violence imparted on you must have made you rather desensitized as well, I wouldn't be suprised if this manifested itself in what others would call odd behaviour. Basically having that sort of a childhood is likley to have caused all sorts of social insecurites and oddities. Trust is probably out the window as well, but I'm only speculating of course.

You know, I think I might have given too dark of an impression here. I didn't really have a bad childhood. Yeah, there were freaky, scary people constantly coming and going, some occasionally staying at our apartment for weeks at a time, including one really frightening Vietnam Vet who would go on about how there's nothing that I could do if the government were to come and get me, but really, it's not like my parents didn't love me. Sure, they had some major tempers, but then my dad would read books to us, with me reading a page, then my brother the next, and then my dad, alternating like that until the end.

You said you had reconstructive sugery, are you scarred or did you get a good surgeon? Are you insecure about your looks because of it?

Oh, I don't have any visible scars on my face. What the surgeons did was go in behind my cheek bone from an area just above my temple. They had originally thought they'd have to use screws to secure the cheek in place, but turns out I was majorly lucky because they didn't put any plates or screws in to my face. The only scar I have can be easily covered up by long hair.

I would say go to the doctor just to get something to make life a little less like an anxiety trip. I suffered from MAJOR depression about three years back, it was intense, I got so bad once that I was stuck in the corner watching the news convinced that I was going to die from something crazy at any moment, like my body was just going to shut down.

Why were you depressed? Did anything trigger it?

I had no choice but to crawl out of the house and sort it out. So I am no stranger, I was on anti-depressants for six months. Of course I triggered everything for being a drug abuser and ruining my mental faculties through things like cocain, extasy, alchohol, lsd, pure mdma and a host of other nasty things.

So, you were trying to self-medicate?

I lost all sense of perspective and the chemical imbalance was so serious I was basically an invalid because of my own excentuated emotions.

Sorry about that.

I had to deal with it, I remember being on a train and just freaking out, convinced we were going ot crash or I was going got get run over as soon as I got off.

Even though you knew that these thoughts were completely irrational?

I was out of it man. Now that all seems like a completley different life. I am nothing like that whatsoever. That was my darkest time. Medication, go and get some, therapy as well.

What changed, to make it no longer such a dark period in your life?

You shouldn't be going through such a living nightmare every time you approach a cute girl or try and strike up casual conversation.

The whole friends thing gets me because people are people, everyone is different, its just about sharing time with another person. You just have to find the right person.

How do you mean?

 

[CaptainWacky]

I agree with Black Average.

 

[Mentalist]

So, you were trying to self-medicate?

Well I wouldn't call it that. Recreational drug use, excessively.

Sorry about that.

It doesn't matter now.

Even though you knew that these thoughts were completely irrational?

Bad period. And yes I was totally aware that it was irrational, thats why I forced myself to sort it out.

What changed, to make it no longer such a dark period in your life?

I stopped taking Class-A drugs which made me get worse for a short period, I went on to Anti-Depressents and I had to re-evaluate my life. Funny thing is my life was pretty sweet, I was well off, lived in a huge house, had what I wanted when I wanted it. Now I am not well off at all, I am stuck in a foreign country and I don't have any of the perks like broadband, prawn cocktail crisps, English Telly, my English mates, ect and I am happy as. I really am fine these days.. It was a 6 month period of bad moves that landed me there and now thats over. Yay.

 

[Mentalist]

I agree with Black Average.

Gonna shed more than five words on the subject?

 

[CaptainWacky]

No.

 

[Mentalist]

That was six!


I OWN!

 

[Black Feathers]

Well I wouldn't call it that. Recreational drug use, excessively.

Yeah, but did you take the drugs to feel good?

 

[Mentalist]

Isn't that what recreational drug use is? That and to counter bordom and the fact that I was not really up for cutting it out.

 

[Black Feathers]

So, were you feeling bad? And I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be snide or anything, but what do you mean by 'not up for cutting it out'?

 

[Black Feathers]

Did you take the drugs to correct your bad feelings?

 

[Gagh]

BLACK FEATHERS MELTDOWN MEMORY THREAD.