CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
WHEN MISTER JIMMY THE FROG ANNOUNCED THAT HE WOULD BE THROWING A PARTY FOR HIS 38TH BIRTHDAY THE PEOPLE OF SEXTOWN NEW IT WOULD BE A PARTY OF SPECIAL MAGNIFICANCE.
"HRRRRRRRRRR!" SAID STROKE SALLY, WHO HAD JUST HAD A STROKE.
"YES, I KNOW", SAID CYBIL FAWLTY, MASTICATING FURIOUSLY ON SOME SHEEP PARTS.
"ARR, WHO AT MY SHEEP EARS?" SAID FARMER HUSSEIN.
"FUCKING JIMMY THE FROG ATE THEM, THINKS HE CAN DO ANYTHING," SAID JEWISH JOE.
"LET'S LYNCH HIM AT HIS PARTY," SAID PETER PETRELLI.
"OKAY," SAID EVERYONE ELSE.
"Hey, you, I don't like your girlfriend!" said Jimmy the frog, dancing about to his favourite Avril Lavigne song. He was so excited about his big party. He was a very rich man, but this was his chance to give something back, by throwing the biggest party in recorded human history and giving a Nintendo DS and Mario Kart to all his guests.
"Why do they call you Jimmy the Frog anyway?" asked his Mad Butler, Mad Billy Butler.
"FUNNY STORY," shouted Jimmy, dropping his trousers. "It's because I have a frog instead of genitals."
"Oh, right. Hey, I suppose if you had children, you'd call them your SPAWN, eh? Your FROG SPAWN?"
"No."
"Okay. I'll keep cleaing the house for the party."
"Mad Billy, I told you to use the robot."
"But I hate that thing!"
"Hey, ARC123 is a good robot!"
"DID YOU CALL ME, MASTER," said ARC123, gliding into the room.
"No," said Jimmy, coldly. "Get the fuck out."
"I LIVE TO SERVE, EXCEPT I DON'T REALLY LIVE, AS I AM JUST A ROBOT."
"Get. Out."
It left.
"Yeah, I can see why you hate it," admitted Jimmy.
"Hmm, looks like the party guests are already here," said Mad Billy.
"Oh boy!" said Jimmy.
"Hmm, they sure have a lot of pitchforks and guns...and banners reading 'DEATH TO JIMMY THE FROG, HE IS A FUCKING BASTARD CUNT OF A FUCKER, THE BASTARD' Very strange."
"I'll go let them in, you relax," said Jimmy. He opened the front door of his mansion. "Hello, friends! This will be a party of..."
"THERE HE IS, KILL HIM, BURN HIM, FUCK HIS TOES," shouted Farmer Hussein. "FOR MY SHEEP EARS!"
"YES," said Cybil, chewing a sheep ear behind his back. "HE DEFINITELY ATE THEM AND SHOULD DIE."
"HE'S JUST LIKE MY BROTHER NATHAN, A TURNCOAT," said Peter Petrelli.
"OY VEY!" said Jewish Joe.
"RRRRRRRRRRRGH!" said Stroke Sally.
"HAHAHAHA," said Laughing Larry.
"Hmm," said Jimmy, shutting the door just as an Jewish Joe shot him in the knee. "I think they want me dead for eating sheep ears."
"And did you eat those sheep ears?" asked Mad Billy, sharpening his killing knife. "Because if you did I'll gut you right here, you sick son of a bitch."
"I didn't, it was obviously Cybil Fawlty," said Jimmy.
"Or Kelly Rowland," said Mad Billy.
"I doubt it, she's a minge-etarian. She only eats minge. Shakira's minge."
"Oh."
"No, must have been Cybil. But how to prove it. It is, quite literally, a matter of life and death."
"I HAVE A SOLUTION, MASTER," said ARC123.
"Get back in your cupboard!" said Jimmy, agrily.
"I MUST SAVE YOUR LIFE. IT IS MY PRIMARY FUNCTION."
Then ARC123 flew outside and activated its killing protocol. Blades whirred. Hussein died first, before he even knew what was happening, his head chopped straight off. Jewish Joe was next, a more violent death, his guts were ripped out. Then Laugh Larry laughed no more as he was shot in the heart by ARC123's death ray. Stroke Sally tried to flee, but was hit in the back by a flying knife. Peter Petrelli's dick was cut off and shoved down his throat before ARC123 stabbed him in the heart. And as for Cybil? ARC123 prolonged her death for four hours, torturing her, making her eat the ears of her dead friends in a cruel ironic twist before, finally, slitting her throat from ear to ear...and slitting her ears too.
Jimmy and Billy watched the whole thing, disgusted at first, but then they came to accept what was happening...and to enjoy it. The fraility of human flesh was laid bare before them. They realised that they were but animals. Their erections were tall and proud by the end.
"CAN I FUCK THE CORPSES?" said Mad Billy, foaming at the mouth.
"Yes," said Jimmy. "I'll join you. First, ARC123, I just have one thing to say."
"YES, MASTER?"
"Good robot."
"HRRRRRRRRRR!" SAID STROKE SALLY, WHO HAD JUST HAD A STROKE.
"YES, I KNOW", SAID CYBIL FAWLTY, MASTICATING FURIOUSLY ON SOME SHEEP PARTS.
"ARR, WHO AT MY SHEEP EARS?" SAID FARMER HUSSEIN.
"FUCKING JIMMY THE FROG ATE THEM, THINKS HE CAN DO ANYTHING," SAID JEWISH JOE.
"LET'S LYNCH HIM AT HIS PARTY," SAID PETER PETRELLI.
"OKAY," SAID EVERYONE ELSE.
"Hey, you, I don't like your girlfriend!" said Jimmy the frog, dancing about to his favourite Avril Lavigne song. He was so excited about his big party. He was a very rich man, but this was his chance to give something back, by throwing the biggest party in recorded human history and giving a Nintendo DS and Mario Kart to all his guests.
"Why do they call you Jimmy the Frog anyway?" asked his Mad Butler, Mad Billy Butler.
"FUNNY STORY," shouted Jimmy, dropping his trousers. "It's because I have a frog instead of genitals."
"Oh, right. Hey, I suppose if you had children, you'd call them your SPAWN, eh? Your FROG SPAWN?"
"No."
"Okay. I'll keep cleaing the house for the party."
"Mad Billy, I told you to use the robot."
"But I hate that thing!"
"Hey, ARC123 is a good robot!"
"DID YOU CALL ME, MASTER," said ARC123, gliding into the room.
"No," said Jimmy, coldly. "Get the fuck out."
"I LIVE TO SERVE, EXCEPT I DON'T REALLY LIVE, AS I AM JUST A ROBOT."
"Get. Out."
It left.
"Yeah, I can see why you hate it," admitted Jimmy.
"Hmm, looks like the party guests are already here," said Mad Billy.
"Oh boy!" said Jimmy.
"Hmm, they sure have a lot of pitchforks and guns...and banners reading 'DEATH TO JIMMY THE FROG, HE IS A FUCKING BASTARD CUNT OF A FUCKER, THE BASTARD' Very strange."
"I'll go let them in, you relax," said Jimmy. He opened the front door of his mansion. "Hello, friends! This will be a party of..."
"THERE HE IS, KILL HIM, BURN HIM, FUCK HIS TOES," shouted Farmer Hussein. "FOR MY SHEEP EARS!"
"YES," said Cybil, chewing a sheep ear behind his back. "HE DEFINITELY ATE THEM AND SHOULD DIE."
"HE'S JUST LIKE MY BROTHER NATHAN, A TURNCOAT," said Peter Petrelli.
"OY VEY!" said Jewish Joe.
"RRRRRRRRRRRGH!" said Stroke Sally.
"HAHAHAHA," said Laughing Larry.
"Hmm," said Jimmy, shutting the door just as an Jewish Joe shot him in the knee. "I think they want me dead for eating sheep ears."
"And did you eat those sheep ears?" asked Mad Billy, sharpening his killing knife. "Because if you did I'll gut you right here, you sick son of a bitch."
"I didn't, it was obviously Cybil Fawlty," said Jimmy.
"Or Kelly Rowland," said Mad Billy.
"I doubt it, she's a minge-etarian. She only eats minge. Shakira's minge."
"Oh."
"No, must have been Cybil. But how to prove it. It is, quite literally, a matter of life and death."
"I HAVE A SOLUTION, MASTER," said ARC123.
"Get back in your cupboard!" said Jimmy, agrily.
"I MUST SAVE YOUR LIFE. IT IS MY PRIMARY FUNCTION."
Then ARC123 flew outside and activated its killing protocol. Blades whirred. Hussein died first, before he even knew what was happening, his head chopped straight off. Jewish Joe was next, a more violent death, his guts were ripped out. Then Laugh Larry laughed no more as he was shot in the heart by ARC123's death ray. Stroke Sally tried to flee, but was hit in the back by a flying knife. Peter Petrelli's dick was cut off and shoved down his throat before ARC123 stabbed him in the heart. And as for Cybil? ARC123 prolonged her death for four hours, torturing her, making her eat the ears of her dead friends in a cruel ironic twist before, finally, slitting her throat from ear to ear...and slitting her ears too.
Jimmy and Billy watched the whole thing, disgusted at first, but then they came to accept what was happening...and to enjoy it. The fraility of human flesh was laid bare before them. They realised that they were but animals. Their erections were tall and proud by the end.
"CAN I FUCK THE CORPSES?" said Mad Billy, foaming at the mouth.
"Yes," said Jimmy. "I'll join you. First, ARC123, I just have one thing to say."
"YES, MASTER?"
"Good robot."
