CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"She's mad! Mad as a fish!" said Johnny, as he followed Lisa. "Stop talking to yourself!" he said. "Damn it!" he added. He couldn't have conversations with himself here, not without his keyboard. But his body felt weird. All buzzing. He was so excited and nervous. He felt like he was about to burst.
"She'll see you!" he said.
"I know!" he replied and hid behind a fat man.
"What the fuck?" asked the fat man.
"I'm hiding from a girl," said Johnny, reasonably.
"In shopping mall?" asked the fat man. They were in a shopping mall, by the way. It was busy, it was the afternoon. Lisa had just vanished out of sight.
"It's my girlfriend," explained Johnny. "I think she's crazy! She just bought a Playstation 3! I think she's going to eat it."
"...why would you think that?"
"Because I'm crazy too! Meep meep!"
"Get the fuck out from behind me."
"She's gone...gone to buy a knife and fork and tuck into her Sony meal..."
"Bye."
The fat man walked away.
"We don't need him!" said Johnny, in a weird accent to make it sound like a different person.
"He could have helped us!" said Johnny in his normal voice. "Eaten the Playstation before she got to it!"
"She hates computer games," said funny voiced Johnny. "The only explanation really is that she's going to eat it."
"Eat it...then eat me!"
"SHIT, HERE SHE COMES, HIDE!"
Johnny jumped behind a bin.
"Umm, that's not her," he said. "That's an old black woman."
"I wonder if she's sassy."
"She's old and black, of course she's sassy!"
"Maybe Lisa hid the Playstation inside her. Quick, strip search her!"
"Yes sir...NO! No! Eww!"
"Racist."
Then the real Lisa appeared. She didn't have the Playstation anymore. Johnny stayed behind the bin.
"NO PLAYSTATION!" shouted the stupid voice Johnny. Lisa stopped for a moment, but then kept walking.
"She's eaten it already!"
"Did you actually see her buy it?"
"She was in that shop, looking at one!"
"Yeah, but then a cop came so you pretended to be a mime until he walked away. By that time she was back in the crowd."
"Oh yeah...I guess I just assumed."
"When you assume, you make a me out of you and ass! You have to start thinking with your head and not with your heart!"
"What does that mean?"
"It means that fat man is telling a cop about you!"
He was.
"Shit. I hate it when they tell the cops about me."
"RUN LIKE FUN!"
"Maybe if I explained to the cop about my girlfriend eating a Playstation..."
"RUN YOU ELK!"
Johnny ran. He ran out of the shopping mall. He ran and ran...and found himself home.
"Hmm, that went better than expected," he said. He went inside.
"Johnny!" said his mother. "I didn't hear you go out."
"Sorry, just had to stalk someone," he said.
"Don't joke like that. There's someone here to see you. An old friend from group home."
"Oh no. Not..."
Fists McGee, the bully of group home, stepped out.
"Hello, Nosey," he said, clenching his fists and smiling.
"This guy used to punch me!" said Johnny.
"She'll see you!" he said.
"I know!" he replied and hid behind a fat man.
"What the fuck?" asked the fat man.
"I'm hiding from a girl," said Johnny, reasonably.
"In shopping mall?" asked the fat man. They were in a shopping mall, by the way. It was busy, it was the afternoon. Lisa had just vanished out of sight.
"It's my girlfriend," explained Johnny. "I think she's crazy! She just bought a Playstation 3! I think she's going to eat it."
"...why would you think that?"
"Because I'm crazy too! Meep meep!"
"Get the fuck out from behind me."
"She's gone...gone to buy a knife and fork and tuck into her Sony meal..."
"Bye."
The fat man walked away.
"We don't need him!" said Johnny, in a weird accent to make it sound like a different person.
"He could have helped us!" said Johnny in his normal voice. "Eaten the Playstation before she got to it!"
"She hates computer games," said funny voiced Johnny. "The only explanation really is that she's going to eat it."
"Eat it...then eat me!"
"SHIT, HERE SHE COMES, HIDE!"
Johnny jumped behind a bin.
"Umm, that's not her," he said. "That's an old black woman."
"I wonder if she's sassy."
"She's old and black, of course she's sassy!"
"Maybe Lisa hid the Playstation inside her. Quick, strip search her!"
"Yes sir...NO! No! Eww!"
"Racist."
Then the real Lisa appeared. She didn't have the Playstation anymore. Johnny stayed behind the bin.
"NO PLAYSTATION!" shouted the stupid voice Johnny. Lisa stopped for a moment, but then kept walking.
"She's eaten it already!"
"Did you actually see her buy it?"
"She was in that shop, looking at one!"
"Yeah, but then a cop came so you pretended to be a mime until he walked away. By that time she was back in the crowd."
"Oh yeah...I guess I just assumed."
"When you assume, you make a me out of you and ass! You have to start thinking with your head and not with your heart!"
"What does that mean?"
"It means that fat man is telling a cop about you!"
He was.
"Shit. I hate it when they tell the cops about me."
"RUN LIKE FUN!"
"Maybe if I explained to the cop about my girlfriend eating a Playstation..."
"RUN YOU ELK!"
Johnny ran. He ran out of the shopping mall. He ran and ran...and found himself home.
"Hmm, that went better than expected," he said. He went inside.
"Johnny!" said his mother. "I didn't hear you go out."
"Sorry, just had to stalk someone," he said.
"Don't joke like that. There's someone here to see you. An old friend from group home."
"Oh no. Not..."
Fists McGee, the bully of group home, stepped out.
"Hello, Nosey," he said, clenching his fists and smiling.
"This guy used to punch me!" said Johnny.
