CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"I'm so glad you could all come!" said Johnny, to Lisa, his mother, Wheelchair Zoe and Fists McGee. "I know some of us haven't always gotten along, but you have all been important parts of my life and I wouldn't want to do this without you. Well, today's the day. Lisa and I are having a commitment thing! But first I thought I would do the 'if anyone here present has reason to object' thing. You know, so that Zoe and Fists can put their plan into action."
"Umm, what plan?" asked Fists.
"I don't know what he's talking about," said Zoe to Fists. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said, to Johnny.
"Oh come now! I know you've been out to get me for weeks now, you and Fists, working together, laughing and lying!"
"Johnny, please, think about what you're saying," said Lisa.
"It's true! Remember when Fists jumped out of your wardrobe?"
"Johnny, that was..."
"Yes, I imagined that...I remember. But the rest was real. I mean, Claire...Zoe...whatever she's calling herself..."
"I never called myself Claire, only you did!" she said.
"Yes, well, she was trying to get me to break up with you, Lisa! You know that!"
"Yes, I was," said Zoe. "But only because I genuinely thought you'd end up hurtin her. I backed off after Lisa slapped me."
"And I'm sorry about that," said Lisa.
"That's okay, I accepted your apology when you came to see me that day," said Zoe.
"You...came to see her, Lisa? You...and Zoe...together...behind my back..."
"Johnny, please sit down," said Lisa. "Please, just do it for me..."
"Did you take your medication this morning?" asked his mother, concerned.
"I DON'T NEED NOT STINKING MEDI-MOO-CATION! MOOOO!" said Johnny. "It clouds up my mind, makes things only seem one way, rather than the many ways they really are...makes things less colourful...stops me dreaming when I'm awake...no more medi-mooo-cowtion!"
"Johnny, please..." said Lisa, taking his arm.
"Oh, shove off, traitor!" said Johnny, pushing her down. "I...I...sorry...AHAHAHA!"
"Johnny, mate, you better stop before you say or do something you'll regret," said Fists.
"YOU. You made my life hell...then you teamed up with Zoe!"
"I never teamed up with Zoe!"
"You DID! YOU STINKING HOMO. You called her, when you were sure I couldn't hear you...you called her and made an evil plan!"
"If you coudln't hear me, then how do you know what?" asked Fists, reasonably.
"I'm...I mean...I was aware of it...IT HAPPENED! I didn't dream it! I didn't make it up in my mind because I was scared of you! IT HAPPENED!"
"It didn't," said Fists and he sounded very much like he was telling the truth.
"FUCK SHIT COCK," said Johnny. "YOU, old man, YOU know I'm telling the truth!" He pointed at the old man from the bench.
"Johnny, dear, there's no one there," said his mum.
"She's right, sonny," said the old man. "You imagined me you stupid fuck!"
Lisa started crying.
"No, NO!" said Johnny. "This can't be...it all happened...IT HAPPENED! I STALKED LISA FOR MONTHS TO GET EVERYTHING PERFECT, THEN YOU ALL PLOTTED AGAINST ME TO DESTROY OUR LOVE!"
"You...stalked me?" said Lisa, through her tears.
"I...I did it because I love you...PLAYSTATION BUYING WHORE! DID YOU BUY IT FOR FISTS SO HE COULD RAM IT UP HIS BOYFRIEND'S ASS? I SHOUDL SLAP YOU!"
"Back off, Nose," said Fists.
"FUCK YOU...FUCK ME! What...it's your fault...not mine...not mine...I love you Lisa...no...what have I done!" Johnny started to run.
"Johnny, come back!" said Lisa.
"WHAT HAVE I DONE!"
"Umm, what plan?" asked Fists.
"I don't know what he's talking about," said Zoe to Fists. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said, to Johnny.
"Oh come now! I know you've been out to get me for weeks now, you and Fists, working together, laughing and lying!"
"Johnny, please, think about what you're saying," said Lisa.
"It's true! Remember when Fists jumped out of your wardrobe?"
"Johnny, that was..."
"Yes, I imagined that...I remember. But the rest was real. I mean, Claire...Zoe...whatever she's calling herself..."
"I never called myself Claire, only you did!" she said.
"Yes, well, she was trying to get me to break up with you, Lisa! You know that!"
"Yes, I was," said Zoe. "But only because I genuinely thought you'd end up hurtin her. I backed off after Lisa slapped me."
"And I'm sorry about that," said Lisa.
"That's okay, I accepted your apology when you came to see me that day," said Zoe.
"You...came to see her, Lisa? You...and Zoe...together...behind my back..."
"Johnny, please sit down," said Lisa. "Please, just do it for me..."
"Did you take your medication this morning?" asked his mother, concerned.
"I DON'T NEED NOT STINKING MEDI-MOO-CATION! MOOOO!" said Johnny. "It clouds up my mind, makes things only seem one way, rather than the many ways they really are...makes things less colourful...stops me dreaming when I'm awake...no more medi-mooo-cowtion!"
"Johnny, please..." said Lisa, taking his arm.
"Oh, shove off, traitor!" said Johnny, pushing her down. "I...I...sorry...AHAHAHA!"
"Johnny, mate, you better stop before you say or do something you'll regret," said Fists.
"YOU. You made my life hell...then you teamed up with Zoe!"
"I never teamed up with Zoe!"
"You DID! YOU STINKING HOMO. You called her, when you were sure I couldn't hear you...you called her and made an evil plan!"
"If you coudln't hear me, then how do you know what?" asked Fists, reasonably.
"I'm...I mean...I was aware of it...IT HAPPENED! I didn't dream it! I didn't make it up in my mind because I was scared of you! IT HAPPENED!"
"It didn't," said Fists and he sounded very much like he was telling the truth.
"FUCK SHIT COCK," said Johnny. "YOU, old man, YOU know I'm telling the truth!" He pointed at the old man from the bench.
"Johnny, dear, there's no one there," said his mum.
"She's right, sonny," said the old man. "You imagined me you stupid fuck!"
Lisa started crying.
"No, NO!" said Johnny. "This can't be...it all happened...IT HAPPENED! I STALKED LISA FOR MONTHS TO GET EVERYTHING PERFECT, THEN YOU ALL PLOTTED AGAINST ME TO DESTROY OUR LOVE!"
"You...stalked me?" said Lisa, through her tears.
"I...I did it because I love you...PLAYSTATION BUYING WHORE! DID YOU BUY IT FOR FISTS SO HE COULD RAM IT UP HIS BOYFRIEND'S ASS? I SHOUDL SLAP YOU!"
"Back off, Nose," said Fists.
"FUCK YOU...FUCK ME! What...it's your fault...not mine...not mine...I love you Lisa...no...what have I done!" Johnny started to run.
"Johnny, come back!" said Lisa.
"WHAT HAVE I DONE!"
