Joss Whedon To Write All of Cruise's Lines In New Trek Movie?

[Gagh]

And they will all be VALLEY SPEAK

"Whoa, that's like, totally bogus, Captain!"
"This Dilithium Crystal is so totally rad, but as a Vulcan, I cannot really think that because I so TOTALLY have no emotions!"
"This tricorder is just so bright and swirly man, check out the colours!"
"And yet I just don't seem to care!"
"Are you ready to finish this (SPITS OUT BLACK GUNK)....BITCH!"

 

[curiousa2z]

Memo from Management:

Apparently, Tom Cruise accidently ended up included in a shipment of 50 Ferengis and was inadvertently crushed at the bottom of the pile.

We regret this unfortunate error. He was meant to be strangled.