Losing my Mine Field virginity

[Fuddlemiff]

This is Kevin. As unlikely as it seems, this 31 year old has never read a thread in the MF. In fact, he hasn't even visited TK before. He also thinks C3PO is straight.

Day 1

Things start badly when I type in the address of the forum. I don't really know what a Troll Kingdom is, but it doesn't sound like somewhere I'd like to visit. And the "Mine Fields" sound even worse. Then again, I thought that about a movie I saw recently, but it turned out okay. Well, that's another story entirely.. hmm, looks like the page has come up now.

Oh, this is complicated - the writing on the screen is half in capitals and half in the other type of letters. I'm not sure what to read first. There's a thread here by someone called The Mentalist. She sounds like she might be hot. Maybe she can even help me with my other virginity problem.

The message actually turns out to be lots of messages clustered together. Oh, they're about Big Brother. I haven't watched any of that. Maybe I should try a different thread. Oh dear.. the first thing I see is a strange man(I think he's on drugs) throttling a chihuahua. This is exactly the sort of thing I'd feared.. though I still haven't encountered the mine fields. My sneaking suspicion is that they're in one of these messages.

Somebody's very excited about Peter's cock. I don't know who that is but I'll venture on. It emerges that there are several other distrubing images, especially one of a mentally handicapped boy wearing a fez. I think it was a fez. I've had enough for one day. Maybe I'll have another go tomorrow when my mind has had time to process all this. I might even try out making a message of my own.

 

[CaptainWacky]

He's trying to access the Mine Field with a remote control the fool!

 

[Grammour Boy]

LOL

 

[Grammour Boy]

He has an interesting smile.

 

[Cassie]

He should fit right in!

 

[CaptainWacky]

YEAH, RIGHT IN THE BIN

 

[Cassie]

THE BIN LADEN!

 

[The Dork Lord]

People actually get scared of this place?

Pussies.

 

[Gagh]

FIDDLEMIFF FTW.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Rmemember NERVOUS NIGREL!?

 

[curiousa2z]

People actually get scared of this place?

Pussies.

stick around.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

Kevin's odyssey continues...

Day 2

After yesterday's fiasco I've decided to give it another go. Hmm. There are a lot of messages about television programmes I'm not very familiar with. Neighbours rings a bell, but I don't think I've seen an episode. Gag and Grammar Boy are making me laugh. They're like bickering lovers. I suppose they're old buddies, but they act like they hate eachother. I'm still not sure about all the capital letters. Should I read those messages first? They seem more important somehow.

"I LOVE YOU ALL." This one looks more positive. Oh. They're demanding a cocktail. I don't really know how to go about doing that? Maybe there's a buttON ON HERE*£

____________________________________

Doesn't look like that's going to work out. Ishcabattle will have to do without, poor love. Maybe it was the stress of posting on a classic message board that got to him(?).

Hmm, this captain Wacky person seems fun. Maybe he can help me more than The Mentalist did. Perhaps I was too forward, but she didn't return my messages. "Don't mess with me" was the message there, I think.

Oh! It turns out it's ishabattles birthday! This doesn't explain commander wacky's comment about a penistail though. I'm still not getting into this. Maybe I'll have better luck tomorow.. I'm off to watch Star Wars 5, which I'm told is the second one! What a world!

 

[CaptainWacky]

PENISTAIL FOR THE WANK