Movie script

[CaptainWacky]

(BRIAN and his wife JULIET are DINING OUT at their local MCDONALD'S.)

Juliet: I'm glad we went out tonight, Brian. As you know our marriage is going through some problems.

Brian: I know dear but let's not talk about it now let's just enjoy our lovely meal.

Juliet: Oh Brian you never want to talk about it, you always just want to enjoy our lovely meal or continue stroking stray cats.

Brian: I like cats.

Juliet: You can catch diseases from them!

Brian: Don't be silly, dear.

Juliet: OH I'M SILLY.

Brian: SSSSH!

(And OLD WOMAN at the NEXT TABLE turns around and WAGS her FINGER.)

Old Woman: People are trying to eat!

Juliet: Oh cram it you old witch.

Brian: Juliet, don't talk like that to my mother!

Juliet: This is your mother!?

Brian: No, THIS is!

(Brian's mother jumps out of his briefcase.)

Brian's Mother: LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!

(Juliet WAKES UP in BED, the whole thing has been a DREAM.)

Juliet: What an odd dream. Hang on, what's this...

(She finds a MCDONALD'S WRAPPER in her BED.)

Juliet: But it was just a dream...wasn't it!?

TO BE CONTINUED!

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Juliet is driving to work)

Man on Radio: In local news, a cat with no legs was shot by hunters today in an act of mercy.

Juliet: Act of BASTARDRY more like!

Man on Radio: In other news, Juliet is a bitch and Brian was right for cheating on her.

Juliet: WHAT!?

(The slams on the breaks. Horns honk in anger.)

Stereotypical Male Driver: Get off the road lady, you can't drive for shit, go home and make a sandwich for me!

Juliet: I think I'm going MAD.

Mysterious Voice: OH REALLY!?

(Juliet spins round to see a BLACK MAN sitting in the passenger seat.)

Juliet: Who are...who are you!?

Black Man: I am Ben Dover, the angel. And I'm here to show you what the world would be like if you had never been born!

Juliet: Umm, why?

Ben Dover: It's something to do! I get bored up in Heaven. Jesus and I used to be lovers but he got together with Saddam Hussien when he died.

Juliet: Saddam went to Heaven?

Ben Dover: He disguised himself as a nun!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Cassie]

Jesus and Saddam? OMG

 

[CaptainWacky]

Juliet: Look, I'd rather not see what the world would be like if I was never born, thanks.

Ben Dover: Oh. What DO you want to see then?

Juliet: I want to see what Brian is doing right now.

Ben: Are you SURE?

Juliet: YES.

Ben: Thy will is mine command.

Juliet: It is?

Ben: Yep!

Juliet: Get your cock out then.

Ben: Err, I thought you wanted to see what Brian was up to?

Juliet: I can idly stroke your cock while watching Brian, can't I?

Ben: Yes ma'am!

(Ben gets his erect male penis out. Meanwhile, Juliet sees what Brian is doing IN HER MIND.)

Brian: That was great sex.

(He rolls over. In the bed beside him is JULIET'S MOTHER.)

Mother: Yep!

Juliet: GRRRRR!

Ben: OH GOD YES!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

Juliet: Why are you so excited?

Ben: I was feeding off your hate. Sorry, I do that.

Juliet: Well stop it, I'm gong to go home and STAB THEM BOTH.

Ben: SEXY!

(She drives home DEAD QUICK LIKE but just as she gets out the car, an alien spaceship appears overhead.)

Juliet: What!?

Ben: Aliens! They weren't supposed to invade today!

Alien: PEOPLE OF EARTH. PLEASE REMAIN IN YOUR SEATS. ANY EARTHLINGS FOUND STANDING UP WILL BE KILLED. BY DEATHRAY.

Ben: Better stay seated, they've got a deathray!

Brian: Hey, what's going on?

Juliet's Mum: Aliens? Here!?

Alien: WE TOLD YOU TO SIT DOWN.

(The alien kills Brian and Juliet's mother.)

Ben: Haha, serves them right for the incest.

(The AIRFORCE arrive and have a BATTLE with the ALIENS.)

Juliet: Why do they want us sitting down anyway?

Ben: They're PAKLEDS!

TO BE CONTINUED!?

No, probably not.

 

[Ishcabittle]

I'm rooting for Ben.