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My mum died this morning

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
It was sudden and unexpected. She was only 71. Just felt like I needed to post this since I don't have much in my life but her and this board. I probably won't be online for a while. Love you all, talk to you soon.
 
Hey brother, I know I haven't been around as per usual but please send me on Skype when you feel up to it and if you need anything don't hesitate. I'm so sorry, man. You wanna vent, anything, I'm here.
 
Wacky, I'm so sorry. There's not much one can say when you have to go through this ultimate loss, other than to send love.

Stay strong, and we'll talk to you soon.
 
Oh man, I am so sorry to hear this Wacky. This sort of thing is among the worst most difficult experiences life can throw at a person. We're all here for you should you feel the need to talk.

Take care of yourself, man.
 
Well, shit. Sorry to hear this. My first impulse was to make a tasteless joke, but I hope you won't hold that against me. My Mom died very slowly of pancreatic cancer, so in some ways I kind of envy you. Unless you didn't get a chance to say "goodbye." That would suck.
 
Thanks, everyone, it is appreciated. She died in her sleep and we're not sure of the cause yet, but I guess heart attack is most likely. We had no suspicion anything like this would happen, I always thought she'd live to be 90 as she was so active and never had any life threatening problems (she did have cancerous cells removed five years ago but this is totally unrelated and she never even seemed in danger when that happened.) I know younger people die randomly and people die in terrorist attacks and things but it's still so shocking to me that I can't imagine how I'm ever going to adjust to it. I guess in some ways it's better than dying from a long illness but again she still felt so young and I never took the opportunity to tell her the importants things while she was alive.

I'll probably be back on the board on and off over the week I don't know.
 
I know its little comfort, but peacefully in your sleep is a good way to go, and your mum remembered you to the end, mine remembers me less and less each visit, and one day I will go see her and she wont know me at all.

The first year is always the worst, but don't face it alone, check your local council for grief counselling, it really does make a difference.
 
(FYI -- this isn't a reply to whisky's post, I was typing it while he posted and they seem to hit similar chords)

My mother passed after a long illness over 25 years ago; 8 years later my dad passed suddenly in his sleep.

It doesn't matter which way they go; it's the biggest gut punch you'll get in life either way.

Ultimately, the most comforting thing someone said to me is, "It's not something you get over. It's something you learn to live with." That sounds a little gloom & doom on the surface, but it's a life truth that actually helped me understand the grieving process. You grieve when it happens, but it's not out of your system. I can remember suddenly crying out of nowhere a year later, but then I understood why, and when I was done, I went on with the day. (This was all pre-TrekBBS so I only had an Elvis Costello mailing list to pour my heart out to on the internet, lol).

Don't forget to take care of yourself through all this. Let yourself feel everything you need to feel. And once in while, just sit and take a few deep breaths for a minute or two. It really does help the mind & body.
 
I haven't slept since it happened and every time I lie down thinking I'll get some sleep I can feel my chest start pounding or pain in my arm or stomach. I haven't taken any medication for my anxiety for years (which is probably stupid since it causes me major problems) and I'm finding it hard to imagine how I'm going to get to sleep again. I guess this is something I'll just have to wait out. (There's also the stupid selfish kind of ocd fear now that I won't wake up again if I fall asleep because it's what happened to her.)
 
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