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omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH

Eggs Mayonnaise

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
...just like his predecessors. Nothing new there.

Donna arrives. She puts down her bag and hangs her jacket. She opens the door to JOSH’S
OFFICE. She finds Josh lying on the floor in front of his desk in disgustingly dirty
clothes, snoring.

DONNA
Josh.

Josh snores.

DONNA
Josh!

Josh, sputtering, wakes up and sits up, blinking. He is very obviously hung over, and
has a pair of lacy red panties around his neck.

JOSH
Hi.

DONNA
What are you doing?

JOSH
What?

DONNA
Did you spend the night here?

JOSH
No. Just since a couple of hours ago.

DONNA
The party went to morning?

JOSH
Yup.

DONNA
Why didn’t you go home?

JOSH
What?

DONNA
Why didn’t you go home after the party?

JOSH
I couldn’t find my keys, or remember where I lived. [pulls the panties off over his head]

DONNA
Josh.

JOSH
I think there might have been strippers there. [gets up]

DONNA
[yells] Oh my God!

Josh shushes her.

DONNA
What happened to your clothes?

JOSH
I may have wrinkled my suit.

DONNA
Josh!

JOSH
Donna. You... You really want to speak very softly.

DONNA
How did you get like this?

JOSH
People were pouring champagne over each other.

DONNA
And then wrestling in dirt?

JOSH
I can’t remember, but it’s certainly not out of the question.

DONNA
You have a meeting.

JOSH
Yeah, I know. I’m not, you know. Uh... what was the meeting again?

DONNA
Joey Lucas about O’Dwyer.

JOSH
Yes. [puts on his suit jacket.]

DONNA
Josh.

JOSH
I’m fine.

DONNA
You can’t wear those clothes. [holds her nose]

JOSH
I’m fine.

DONNA
Trust me.

JOSH
They’re the only clothes I got.

DONNA
I’ll find some other clothes.

JOSH
Fine. [sits in his chair as Donna starts to leave]

DONNA
Are you going to listen to me from now on?

JOSH
[under breath] I’m not even listening to you now.

DONNA
[shouts] I said, are you going to listen...

JOSH
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Donna leaves and Josh slumps forward onto his desk.
 
Yes. Little bitch.

A man and a woman burst in, to find Josh in an undershirt and the hip-waders. JOEY LUCAS,
a deaf campaign manager is signing and her assistant, KENNY THURMAN is translating.

JOEY [KENNY]
Are you the unmitigated jackass who has the DNC choking off funding for the O’Dwyer
campaign in the California forty-sixth?

JOSH
[bleary] What is God’s name is happening right now?

JOEY [KENNY]
I’m Joey Lucas.

JOSH
[to Kenny] You’re Joey Lucas?

Kenny looks at Joey, then back at Josh.

JOEY [KENNY]
No, I’m Joey Lucas.

JOSH
Help me, ‘cause I... I don’t...

JOEY
[yells] You idiot. I’m. Joey. Lucas.

JOSH
Ah. [pause] Ah, okay. I’m Josh Lyman.

JOEY [KENNY]
I know who you are.

JOSH
You’re Joey Lucas.

JOEY [KENNY]
What were you expecting?

JOSH
A man.

JOEY [KENNY]
I’m a woman.

JOSH
You’re O’Dwyer’s campaign manager?

JOEY [KENNY]
Yes, and I have three sources, two at the DNC...

Josh stands up.

JOEY
What the hell are you wearing?

JOSH
Me?

JOEY
Yes.

JOSH
[looks down at himself] I was... I uh... I... I spilt some things on my clothes. Tell
you what, let’s... let’s just take a deep breath for a second while I try and remember,
you know, where I am right now.

Josh walks around the desk, obviously to within smelling distance of Joey, who covers her
nose.

JOEY [KENNY]
Are you drunk?

JOSH
I have a very delicate system.

JOEY [KENNY]
Okay, look, I’m totally serious about this. I’m trying to get a guy elected to Congress.
It’s gonna be a very tight race and I want to know why the White House is screwing around
with me.

DONNA
[comes to the door, holding Josh's suit] Excuse me.

JOSH
Thank God.

DONNA
What’s going on?

JOSH
[to Joey] This is my assistant, Donna Moss. Donna, Joey Lucas.

DONNA
[to Joey] Hi.

JOSH
I’m just going to go... I... I... I’m... I’m gonna go change my clothes. I’ll... I’ll be
right back.

Josh and Donna walk out to the HALLWAY.

JOSH
Took you long enough.

DONNA
I got stuck at Dupont Circle again.

JOSH
You have any idea how dumb I looked in there?

DONNA
So Joey Lucas is a woman.

JOSH
Yes.

DONNA
And she’s deaf.

JOSH
Yes.

DONNA:
Cool!
 
omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH
 
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LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH omega weapon IS A LITTLE BITCH
 
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