CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Man! I love ducks! They're so cute and fluffy!" said Johnny to the girl sitting at the duck pond.
"Umm...okay," she said.
"What's a nice eighteen year old legal girl like you doing at a duck pond like this?" asked Johnny.
"I'm seventeen," she said. "And I'll scream if you try to touch me."
"Hey, I'm not some dirty old man! Just because I've got a beard...I only grew it because I had a bet with MAD STEVE. He said I couldn't grow a beard and that pixies wouldn't live in it, I said I could and they would! So far I've won the first part of the bet, as you can see by closely examining my face, but there's no pixies yet! Oh well, doesn't really matter anyway...MAD STEVE isn't real! I made him up so I'd have an excuse to grow a beard! Imagine that!"
"Great," she said.
"You know, people usually react more strongly to my craziness than you are right now. Some run away. Some hit me. They usually DO SOMETHING at least, you uppity bitch."
"You're not crazy."
"No? Tell that to the pope, he diagnosed me. MEEP MEEP, ARABJEWS."
"You're just acting like a stereotypical crazy person because you're a saddo with no life."
"Well, there is that," Johnny nodded.
"My dad died," said the girl. "I'm here to scatter his ashes."
"He had ashes? What a cool guy! Oh, they're in that thing you're holding...I see what you mean. I wondered what that was. Thought it might be a robot disguised as an urn. Turns out it's an urn! You crazy girl, carrying around your father's ashes like they mean something. They don't mean shit, girl! But hey, I feel for you, I really do. Perhaps you need some grieving sex..."
"He used to bring me to this pond when I was a little girl."
"And molest you?"
She slapped Johnny, hard. Johnny felt like thanking her for finally reaction, but the slap felt different. HE felt different. He actually felt genuinely said for her. The girl started crying.
"Hey, don't cry...I know it hurts, but, you know, your dad is dead, but babies are being born all the time, lots of fresh pink babies...some brown...some yellow...some green...you know, the mutant ones...circle of life and all that. Chin up."
"Just leave me alone. Go do your crazy act with someone else. You'll get nothing out of me."
"Okay," said Johnny. He got up. He started to walk away. He felt like a good person. "MEEP MEEP!" he shouted, dropping his trousers and pants. "SUCK ON THIS, ASHES GIRL! YOUR DAD WAS A DUCK-FUCKING HOMO!"
She just sat there.
Johnny hid behind a tree and, eventually, the girl got up and scattered the ashes into the wind, standing at the edge of the pond. Johnny started to cry and he didn't know why. He hated it when that happened. He started punching himself to stop. He started biting the tree to stop. He started bashing his head against the tree.
"Do you want me to call someone?" asked the girl, sighing, she now watching Johnny.
"I don't need any help from a jew like you," said Johnny. "I...my teeth hurt."
"That'll happen when you bite a tree," said the girl.
"LEAVE ME ALONE, ELF BITCH," said Johnny. "I DON'T NEED YOU. GO STICK YOUR HEAD IN AN URN."
"Fine," she said. "Have a nice life." She walked off. He watched her ass as she went, as he always did.
"Damn it MAD STEVE, I could have hit that," said Johnny. Then he started humping the tree half-heartedly.
"Umm...okay," she said.
"What's a nice eighteen year old legal girl like you doing at a duck pond like this?" asked Johnny.
"I'm seventeen," she said. "And I'll scream if you try to touch me."
"Hey, I'm not some dirty old man! Just because I've got a beard...I only grew it because I had a bet with MAD STEVE. He said I couldn't grow a beard and that pixies wouldn't live in it, I said I could and they would! So far I've won the first part of the bet, as you can see by closely examining my face, but there's no pixies yet! Oh well, doesn't really matter anyway...MAD STEVE isn't real! I made him up so I'd have an excuse to grow a beard! Imagine that!"
"Great," she said.
"You know, people usually react more strongly to my craziness than you are right now. Some run away. Some hit me. They usually DO SOMETHING at least, you uppity bitch."
"You're not crazy."
"No? Tell that to the pope, he diagnosed me. MEEP MEEP, ARABJEWS."
"You're just acting like a stereotypical crazy person because you're a saddo with no life."
"Well, there is that," Johnny nodded.
"My dad died," said the girl. "I'm here to scatter his ashes."
"He had ashes? What a cool guy! Oh, they're in that thing you're holding...I see what you mean. I wondered what that was. Thought it might be a robot disguised as an urn. Turns out it's an urn! You crazy girl, carrying around your father's ashes like they mean something. They don't mean shit, girl! But hey, I feel for you, I really do. Perhaps you need some grieving sex..."
"He used to bring me to this pond when I was a little girl."
"And molest you?"
She slapped Johnny, hard. Johnny felt like thanking her for finally reaction, but the slap felt different. HE felt different. He actually felt genuinely said for her. The girl started crying.
"Hey, don't cry...I know it hurts, but, you know, your dad is dead, but babies are being born all the time, lots of fresh pink babies...some brown...some yellow...some green...you know, the mutant ones...circle of life and all that. Chin up."
"Just leave me alone. Go do your crazy act with someone else. You'll get nothing out of me."
"Okay," said Johnny. He got up. He started to walk away. He felt like a good person. "MEEP MEEP!" he shouted, dropping his trousers and pants. "SUCK ON THIS, ASHES GIRL! YOUR DAD WAS A DUCK-FUCKING HOMO!"
She just sat there.
Johnny hid behind a tree and, eventually, the girl got up and scattered the ashes into the wind, standing at the edge of the pond. Johnny started to cry and he didn't know why. He hated it when that happened. He started punching himself to stop. He started biting the tree to stop. He started bashing his head against the tree.
"Do you want me to call someone?" asked the girl, sighing, she now watching Johnny.
"I don't need any help from a jew like you," said Johnny. "I...my teeth hurt."
"That'll happen when you bite a tree," said the girl.
"LEAVE ME ALONE, ELF BITCH," said Johnny. "I DON'T NEED YOU. GO STICK YOUR HEAD IN AN URN."
"Fine," she said. "Have a nice life." She walked off. He watched her ass as she went, as he always did.
"Damn it MAD STEVE, I could have hit that," said Johnny. Then he started humping the tree half-heartedly.
